[peanut_oil]

I started seeing my boyfriend about 5 months ago. We met and fell in love almost instantly and within a couple of months I moved into his apartment, for the summer. Which is where I am now. He has said he loves me and even brought me to New Hampshire for my birthday (which is quite far away, I might add). He treats me very well and tries to make me happy in every way possible. But this is what bothers me:

New Hampshire is a place he lived for two years with his ex-girlfriend/fiancee. Her and him initially met as children living across the street from each other, so both their families knew each other well. Years later, she came to visit his mom to say hello on a trip to Montana and he decided to go along with her and her friends. He has said that it was a "story book romance" and that everything "just fell together." When they got back, within a month he moved to New Hampshire to live with her as she was going to school. After a year, he proposed and found out that she had been cheating on him with someone else. They had shared everything, including their bank account, apartment, furniture, etc. Afterwards, he went home and lived with his parents, completely devastated.

He has told me things like: "once bitten twice shy" when I bring up the fact of him moving somewhere to be with me. He has said he will never be that "dependent" on anyone ever again. Or that he doesn't think I could ever "devastate" him... I recently found a stack of photos of him and her, holding hands, looking dazed and love sick at each other, holding each other and even a photo of him preparing for the trip to NH and Montana... He looked really really happy and in love...

It has been five years since that time, and he has not lived with another girl since. He has only "thought" seriously about one other person and has not said "I love you" to many people. So I am one of just a few... one of about 5 (which he carries 4 rings of on a chain, and he refuses to get another one for fear of it just ending up there)... However, this particular romance was I think THE BIG ONE. She was the ONLY person he has ever uprooted his life for and the ONLY one he has ever proposed to... He said out of everyone it was his most serious relationship and in turn the hardest to get over...

I am wondering if he will ever love me that way. If he will ever look at me with such love sick eyes and such tender expressions on his face. Even in our photos, he doesn't look like that. He has said he will NEVER do that again and that he will NEVER be dependent on someone like he had been with her... Am I wrong here, but should I be worried... I have cried so many tears thinking about how romantic that trip out west must have been and how much he must have loved her to leave everything behind and move out east. He has said that he was a different person then and that he didn't know any better. He also said that he loves NH and saw moving out east as an opportunity. He also said he had an expendable job that he could easily leave. (now he is almost an assistant manager where he works, back then he worked at a gas station).

But out of all of these reasons he gives, I still have my doubts... I mean, is it ME? Am I not good enough or is he not in love enough? He left his life after being with her for a week in Montana! What about me? How do I know if I will ever be his "true love" and that I am also expendable? How do I know that she WAS the love of his life, and that he is forever wounded to love and will always be distrusting and reserved from me?
Will he ever love me THAT much?

A part of me feels like I am being foolish, selfish and not understanding of who he is and what he has been through. He tells me I am in love with who he WAS not who he IS. But what is who he WAS loves her more than who he IS loves ME? I am so torn up... Especially seeing those photos of the two of them, so in love, and having to deal with the realization that he may never love me like that... It is so devastating... What do I do?

[COOKIE MONSTER]

JESUS HUN
You've been together 5 months give it some time

Have you ever been hurt/heart broken by a person you love??
If you have,you should know how hard it is to trust another after it.

He may say he'll never do this and never do that,[[ITS EARLY DAYS]]
These are the days for fun,not full on serious relationship.
Come on hun back off a bit,take a chill pill and relax
Or you will drive him away.
So what he kept photo's,I have loads they don't mean anything to me,I keep them just to remind me of my life,even the bit's were I was heart broken,it happened so why deny it.I look back at my photo's and think if I hadn't of done that or met them I'd not be the person I am today.
Hun photo's are photo's get over HER and get on with your relationship with HIM

OR YOU'LL DRIVE HIM AWAY

WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM TO LOVE YOU THE SAME WAY HE LOVED HER?
When we fall in love with some one,
We fall in love with that person,
The things they do,
The way they do them,
The way they make you feel.
But every person is different am I right?
So we must love different people in different ways

I think you are over reacting

Your love is still young,give it time

[Romefalls19]

If it was 5 months and you started looking at me with love sick puppy eyes, I would be worried that you have an attachment disorder. You might have some personal issues that need to be worked out, loving someone's company is great, but being that in love after only 5 months is kind of rushing things. Tal says it best "too much too soon, crash and burn"

You simply cannot expect him to be completely in love with you after 5 months and especially with how long he was in his last relationship.

[happy_jester]

The best thing to do is TRUST him that it's YOU that he wants and nobody
Else. I know this is difficult,and because you are so insecure you could think up a
Thousand reasons this relationship would not work.

Could I say to you... just because you think all these thoughts,about him,this
doesn't mean that this is what will happen.

He was with his ex for 2 years,yet with you for only 5 months. Following the guidelines I've suggested,and giving it the right amount of time,
I'm sure it will be OK.

[talaniman]

Your very good at making up fantasy stories, but real life is not that way. Stop being jealous of the past, and deal with the present, which means have fun getting to know him, and don't let fear or insecurity, cloud your perspective of what's going on now. Your moving a little to fast with some lofty expectations. Be careful.

Does it make sense to be jealous of someone so far back in the past, which he hasn't had contact with??

Wait, and see what develops, and deal with the reality of your own situation, and stop reliving HIS past in your brain.

[Ivory0921]

He's with YOU now. We all have a past, it's part of life. The only reason he is acting this way is because he got really hurt by his ex. He's just protecting himself so don't feel bad about it or take it against him. Focus on what you have and getting to know each other better. It's only been 5 months so if you're ultimately worred about if he will ever love you as much as he did her, then I'm sure that time will come - if you feel that is hasn't already. Take it one day at a time, and don't obsess over his past life.

[Chery]

He obviously is having a good time with getting to know you and giving you a chance to enrich his life with your qualities. Share good quality time with him and let him see how loving you can be, don't stress him out or you'll push him away.
It takes a lot of time, trust and communication to build a good relationship, and you deserve to work on the good part and leave his past where it is - in the past. You have a past too, and I'm sure that you would not feel good if someone judged you on the mistakes you made then... so give each other a chance and have a good time. Life is too short to dwell on things we cannot and should not change nor did we have control over it. After all, the people we met in life help make us what we are now, so value that and enjoy.

Keep in touch. And Take It Slow... nothing good ever happens overnight.

[ylaira]

What he had in the past should be a history. Quit comparing what he had so don't look on their pictures or asking around. Just focus on how YOU ACT and how he treats you.

Don't you think it's too early that you moved in with him? 5 months yet should be fun.