[Brian3157]

Well, let me start with the story...

(warning - sappy love story below of the girl I could never get)

A summer when I was fourteen years old a girl my same age moved into my neighborhood, about three houses up from me. The first time I saw her I fell in love, I had never had been in love before, I had no reason to believe I was in love... but somehow I knew I was. She ended up going to my school that year, I was afraid to talk to her and went the entire year without saying hardly anything other than the occasional hello. My feelings built stronger the following years all the way through high school. No matter what I did I couldn't talk to her... These feelings grew stronger year after year through middle school, on to High school. I had no problems with talking to other girls at that time?! All the way through high school I Never to actually talked to her...

Jump forward a few years... I'm 20 and I decide to look her up. I find her e-mail address and talk via e-mail only a few times... This ends up to only rekindle the feelings I had for her.

Jump forward to present day... I'm 25 now and in a serious relationship, but I still can't stop thinking about my first love. It's affecting a great relationship, I'm having commitment problems due to this, I am a complete mess!

It makes no sense I don't even know if she actually liked me or not. I still cannot stop thinking about her and the possibility of "was this was my only chance to true love"

I have tried thousands of times to just move on... Nothing works.

Any suggestions i.e.. . therapy, alcohol, anything would help... Let me know

[sara_bell15]

What I think is you either forget about what could have been and focus on what you have now. Or you could contact this girl if you think its worth it and just tell her exactly how you feel. If this is effecting your relationship now then maybe it's not the right person for you. I think if you were to meet the right person for you, you would forget all about the girl from long ago. But I don't know the situation or the people exactly so I can't be sure what I would do. Hopefully this will help some.

[Fr_Chuck]

I still remember that first "love" she was a cheerleader and me the member of the chess club. Never the two to meet in high school. She was a comparison of all the women I knew for the next 30 years. Until that high school reunion, and God I was glad our paths were not one.

It is those memories that we have that make us who we are, but should not control us or make us compulsive

[unclejohnny]

Look at my question "Hooking back up with ex." I just started getting on the net dating sites because I'm single and totally forgot about my first love, yes sometimes you'll have flashbacks, or even fast forwards about what could have been. But sometimes lost loves are answered prayers, just answered in a way we don't understand.

[s_cianci]

It sounds like you're stuck in a fantasy. This girl and you were obviously two ships that passed in the night, as they say. I'm sure practically everyone, myself included, can tell stories of similar experiences that they've encountered in the past. While such experiences in and of themselves are normal, obsessing about them to the point where they jeopardize your current relationships is not. Obviously nothing was meant to be between you and this girl, regardless of how you may have felt at the time and how you think you feel even now. You met this girl when you were 14 and you're now 25. Both you and she have undergone radical changes during those years, as does everyone. You need to make yourself realize that this girl is and never was a part of your life. You've got to make up your mind to live your life now, the way it is, to its fullest. In all likelihood your life now isn't exactly the way you thought it would be when you were 14 and I'm sure that everyone who was 14 once would agree regarding their own lives, myself included. Make the best of what the years have given you, regarding significant others, career/ education, family, etc. Living for what might have been or for what you wish but isn't, isn't living at all. Don't fail to pursue what your life now has to offer you only to end up having regrets later,

[jeffatl]

You will never forget them. The more you try, the more you will think about them. That's just one of lifes litte kicks in the butt! You have to MOVE ON, not forget. LEARN from this relationship, its not a total loss.

[fredg]

Hi,
At 64 yrs old, I still remember my first love... will never forget her. But, she is not on my mind constantly, trying to think of "what would it have been like" sort of thing.
Since you have never talked with her, it does sound like "infatuation", a dream.
How do you forget her? You probably never will forget her completely. But, you can start focusing your thoughts on better things, just one day at a time.
Today is real; yesterday has gone and is over. Start thinking about today, doing things today, and enjoying yourself.
"Therapy" is a little strong, but if you can't do this yourself, how about seeing a Psychiatrist or possibly even a Psychologist? Best of luck.

[goonie]

I know it's hard to get over a first love. My first love and I dated for 2 years in high school, broke up, and then got back together a little over a year ago. But if you saw one of my postings, he just broke up with me. Basically we had both changed a lot in all of those years. It seems as though you are in love with the idea of this dream girl, not with the girl herself. You mentioned that you never actually talked to her when you were in school together, and that only years later did you exchange a few emails. Do you really know her? I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but who knows, you could be holding onto this girl who might actually be psycho or a totally awful person that you would never want to be involved with. What is your current relationship like? Maybe the reason why you're holding onto this girl and letting it affect your current relationship, is because you're not totally happy with your current girlfriend. I don't know. Good luck :o)

[Chery]

Hello dear, obviously something is really missing from your past that you have to bring it to the present. You really need to work on this issue, either with a friend or a professional. Obsession like this is not healthy and will only damage or drive your prospective future relationships away, leaving you a very lonely man.

If you like, please don't hesitate to air it all out here. The damage that was done at the age of 14 can eat at you forever if you don't let it out. You were so totally rejected, and are looking for perfection in someone you cannot blame for this damage as she was not even there. Be fair to the other girls and yourself by taking a closer look at what you are missing and what you think is impossible to find anew.

We all go through rejections of various kinds in life and what we do with these feelings is very important - and not facing them will only add to the pile-up. Think about it and get back with us, we are here 24/7 and will try to help you with our personal experience and advice.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

[DJ 'H']

when I was 11yrs old I started Secondry school. This guy called Craig ended up in my class. From the moment I laid eyes on him I just wanted to be with him. But I could not bring myself to talk to him, kiss him (when I had the opportunity) or do anythng. I liked him right up until the day we left school when I was 16yrs old. I used to give him a birthday card etc just to let him know that I cared and that I did listen and remember things. I always felt he was out of my league, too brainy and too atheletic compared to me. I even thought about him now and again after I left school.

It wasn't until I saw him again for the first time when I was 20yrs. I was able to talk to him and be myself and that's when I realised what an areshole he was. He would only talk to me if no one else was wround to see and ignored me when others were there. I then remembered him doing this back in school and realised that he what a loser he was at school and even years later after leaving he was too. It was just because I liked him so much that I could not see it.

I am 22yrs old now and I don't think about Craig anymore and even if I did it would only be wondering what he was up to and how is is. I have a wonderful boyfriend now who I would not change for the world. And if I ever saw Craig again, it would not change the way I feel about my boyfriend or give me doubts about being committed to him.

If you are not happy with your current girlfirend, then this could be your brains way of telling you so, or it could be that you are not yet ready to commit this girl. (the brain is funny thing).

Either way you have a decision to make which will either make or break your current relationship - so either treasure memories, lay the past to rest and concentrate on your girlfriend and the present - or keep reflecting on the past, lose your girlfriend and end up with nothing. -

Put thing sin perspective - the answer is staring you right in the face. Your situation does not need to be made complex when it is very simple.

[Brian3157]

This post has really opened my eyes, and I thank you all for your recommendations. I'm considering going to see someone about this, and see if I can figure out why I view the past in the way I do... and try to find out just what I'm holding on to (or missing) from that stage in my life.

As for my current realationship, I think it's good, we've been together for a few years. Although, I don't feel "head-over-heals" in love, but I really do like her and enjoy spending time together.

[Chery]

Liking a person and also liking the things they do make a relationship healthy. As long as the 'likes' outnumber the 'don't likes' you are doing just fine. Usually the heads-over-heels bit wears out after a year or so and there is nothing wrong with that. The important thing is that you still feel warm and comfortable emotionally. Glad we were able to help, and the rest is up to you.

Keep us posted.

[Wildcat21]

I agree with the others... this is a crush. You REALLY know nothing about her now it seems. YES - it's a fantasy. She might be real trouble now... seeing someone... or other major problems.

Its sounds like you have never had any real type of relationship with her, it will go away in time.

Work o nyour current relationship.