[wanna b happy]

Hi um not sure how this works it my first time
Here's the deal
My names michael and I'm 18
My ex girlfriend just got pregnant but we are getting back together
The child is not mine but the father has a few screws loose and the mother has no feelings for him anymore but my question is we kind of want to eliminate him from the situation and make it to where he has nothing to do with the child and me raise the kid as my own what can I do legaly if we don't choose adoption?

[Trandy]

This is a difficult question to answer.
You are 18... how sure are you that you want to raise this baby that isn't yours?
I am not saying anything negative, I don't know you, and am not here to judge. I am simply asking how ready you are. There is a lot involved with raising a baby. Can you provide for this child?

Is the father aware that this child is his?

Does he know about the pregnancy?

You may contact an attorney on this issue if you are both willing to raise this child together. Right now, you are only seeking consultation. Many attorneys give that for free (usually on the first visit anyhow) I am not legally certified, and struggle to answer your questions, but I think... depending on the answers you give to my questions above, you'd be dumbfounded as to the legal advice you'd receive from the attorney... I've been in your shoes, and can tell you exactly what an attorney told me, but these questions were answered by me... first!

Answer my questions, and we'll proceed from there.

[wanna b happy]

This is a difficult question to answer.
You are 18....how sure are you that you want to raise this baby that isn't yours?
I am not saying anything negative, I don't know you, and am not here to judge. I am simply asking how ready you are. There is a lot involved with raising a baby. Can you provide for this child?

Is the father aware that this child is his?

Does he know about the pregnancy?

You may contact an attorney on this issue if you are both willing to raise this child together. Right now, you are only seeking consultation. Many attorneys give that for free (usually on the first visit anyhow) I am not legally certified, and struggle to answer your questions, but I think ....depending on the answers you give to my questions above, you'd be dumbfounded as to the legal advice you'd recieve from the attorney.....I've been in your shoes, and can tell you exactly what he told me, but these questions were answered by me...first!

Answer my questions, and we'll proceed from there.

Yes he knows its his and he knows she's pregnant and I am ready to give this kid the loce it deserves because I was raised with no father and I want to be there for this kid
And if I don't take this kid in as my own I would consider closed or semi open adoption
I mean I wish I knew more legal advise on this subject cause he was going to shoot his ex and then himself and I don't want my girl or the kid to be around someone like that

[N0help4u]

I know some guys that just sign the birth certificate instead of the real dad, but some states hospitals require paternity tests to sign the birth certificate and then too if you and her did not work out then it would be YOU they come after for child support for years to come.
If the dad is willing to sign over his rights after the baby is born and after you marry her you can adopt the baby and have him sign over his rights. That is about the best way to do that.

[Trandy]

yes he knows its his and he knows shes pregnant and i am ready to give this kid the loce it deserves because i was raised with no father and i wanna be there for this kid
and if i dont take this kid in as my own i would consider closed or semi open adoption
i mean i wish i knew more legal advise on this subject cause he was gonna shoot his ex and then himself and i dont want my girl or the kid to be around someone like that

What we did, and I question the morality involved to this day, but anyway, the father didn't know. Was a loser, and still is. Child is now 12, and I do love her as she is mine. In fact, when I see this dopehead around town, it makes me glad that I came along. He either still hasn't a clue, or just don't care.
Anyway, the attorney told us not to let him know. I could simply sign the birth certificate, but I had better be ready for the responsibility when I did. The child support would still be up to you in the case of separation.

For you, the sneaky, somewhat immoral road wouldn't be an option as he already knows. Perhaps you could talk him into signing away his rights... I just don't know about your situation... throws quite a wrench into the easy way about things with him actually knowing... Maybe a free consultation is in order.

I am sorry I couldn't be of more help, and my hat is off to you for being willing to take on this great responsibility.
Best wishes for you, and your family's future.
Trandy

[madara uch]

If it's the baby's real dad it should be shared custidy/ visiting hours being 18 and taking on a baby is a hard job

[sammie35]

Hi um not sure how this works it my first time
heres the deal
my names michael and im 18
my ex gf just got pregnant but we are getting back together
the child is not mine but the father has a few screws loose and the mother has no feelings for him anymore but my question is we kinda want to eliminate him from the situation and make it to where he has nothing to do with the child and me raise the kid as my own what can i do legaly if we dont choose adoption?

Michael, I'd say that was one lucky kid having u as a dad. But you are so young and I do think it is important for the baby to know it's own dad unless he turns out totally unreliable. Good luck to you all. Sam

[ScottGem]

First I moved this to the Family Law forum since its essentially a legal question.

You can sign the birth certificate. I wouldn't sign an acknowledge of paternity since that would be perjury. It might also be considered perjuryif you sign the because so you should check local laws.

However, no matter what you do if the bio father chooses to exercise his rights he will get them unless he can beproven unfit.

Your best bet is to marry the girl then adopt the kid.

[stinawords]

From a strictly legal point of view you would have to be ready to marry this girl. Once you have been married for a year then if the bio dad is willing to give up his rights you can adopt him/her. Scott is right, in all the states that I am familiar if you sign to acknowledge paternaty knowing that you aren't and the bio dad wants his rights you can get in some legal trouble. Now, I know the step parent thing isn't always glorious but if you can do it and do it well I know of many people that think of their step parents (generally dads) more as a real parent than their bio one.

[Fr_Chuck]

There is no legal way to stop the father from having rights to visit and see the child, ** one reason a person needs to be more picky as to who they sleep with so you do't end up with a goofy father of your child.

But there is no way to do anything except after you are married, you get an attorney to file for adoption and have the bio father sign over his rights to allow you to adopt.

Beyound that you wlil be the step father, with no real legal rights and alo no responsibility

[wanna b happy]

Thank you all very much for your support and answers but what if the because goes unsigned??

[stinawords]

If the bio father does not want to sign that is his choice. The mother (if she wants support) will go to court and the judge will order a DNA test. Then when the test comes back that it is his kid support will be ordered and a visitation schedule will be ordered and the judge will order the because to be changed to add the father to it.

[GV70]

I wouldn't sign an acknowledge of paternity since that would be perjury. It might also be considered perjury if you sign the b/c so you should check local laws.

Agree

However, no matter what you do if the bio father chooses to exercise his rights he will get them unless he can beproven unfit.

Legally-Not always.There is a trick in American law-"Default orders".If the mother files paternity suit against Michael he is able not to appear in Court. Default order will be enacted.If he does not contest that order for a period/ and even marry to his girlfriend/, the Court /in a lot of cases /uses the doctrine of Res Judicata.Michael will not be able to escape from his obligations toward the child and a third party will not be allowed to claim paternity... BTW it depends on where he lives.
It is not legal advice of course. It is my thought but this strategy is successful in most of the cases which I know about.

[nmo11]

I went through a very similar situation when I was 18. I started dating a girl and then found out she was pregnant by her ex-boyfriend. The ex wasn't a good guy (still isn't)and at the time I was madly in love with the girl so I decided to take on responsibility for the unborn child. I signed the birth certificate and continue to raise him as my own until this day. The ex knew he was the father and didn't care - still doesn't even though every once in a while he threatens that he will tell him if he sees him. The mother and I are no longer together and through the years we had a very rocky relationship but I was always there for him and my younger bio-son with the same woman. Most important advice I can give you is if you are going to go through with this you have to be committed to the child first and understand that you may not end up with the mother in the long run. Needless to say, my son is now 12 years old and lives with me full time (with my younger bio-son with the same woman). Their mother only receives supervised visits for 4 hours a week because she has issues with drugs, been in and out of rehab, moved out of state and abandoned both of my children about 4 years ago. I am so glad that I made the decision to be a dad to my first son because with the way both of his bio-parents are, he would most likely have been placed in foster care years ago. He doesn't know that I am not his bio-dad - that is a whole different issue in itself -that you will have to deal with - deciding to tell the child or not to tell the child and if so, when... In my situation, with my son almost being a teenager and having his mother not there for him, I don't know if he could handle knowing that his bio-father has never wanted anything to do with him... It is a tough situation so be prepared.