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sweety82 · Aug 22, 2008, 07:43 AM

Hello everyone:

My boyfriend and I live together for the past 6 years. We love each other greatly and have been through hell and back, but we still manage to get through it all. My boyfriend works a afternoon shift 3-12 while I work 9-5 so basically we don't see each other mon-fri we only have time to spend with each other on weekends.However we do talk on the phone 2 twice a day. I've always felt that it would affect our relationship but went alone with it, but for the past year or so I have been very distant. I have no fam here in the states and don't have a lot of friends, no children which makes me feel very lonely at times. Im basically alone mon- fri me, myself and I but the weird part of it is that I'm getting use to it and I think its hurting my relationship. The little time that we have to spend together always ends up in arguments. We argue for the stupidest things. Its gotten to the point where I'm ready to call it quits. Our sex life consist on weekend basis ONLY! I have asked him to try to find a way to change his job shift but he always tells there are no openings. I have changed my shift on my previouse jobs to acomodiate us but I hated the shift. And now in my current job, I just started and there is no other shift. So I asked him to find another job but his answer is " I LIKE MY JOB" but I'm sure he could do bigger and better. I have tried to leave several times and always stay b.c I don't want to throw away 6 years. He has asked me to stay, to work something out but honeslty it's just a cycle it starts all over again. I don't know if changing his job will make us become close again or will just make it wrost.. I sometimes wonder if I'm being selfish. One thing is for sure I want to make it work but it takes 2... anyone has some wise advise??

CHRISSYS-ANGEL · Aug 22, 2008, 08:10 AM

I work a lot too, and its hard on our relationship too, because we go crazy when we are away from each other, so our situation is a bit different than yours but I would take a day on the weekends and have a "date night". It will bring back feelings of when you were first together and what you saw in each other to start with, plus give you a chance to really talk. You probably feel distant because you aren't able to share thoughts or feelings with him anymore and you feel like you hardly know him anymore, and this will give you both the chance to do that. I wish you the best of
Luck!

talaniman · Aug 25, 2008, 06:29 AM

Instead of trying to change him, change yourself. Don't be lonely when he is at work, take that time and do something for yourself, that you enjoy, and make yourself happy, with a life besides him.

Balance is the key to being happy with yourself, and satisfied with yourself, and you won't be so lonely. When the weekend rolls around, you'll look forward to it.

A life besides him, would improve yourself worth, and give you a better attitude, and perspective to deal with the working hours. Good clean fun, friends, and self improvement, will help you greatly. No excuses, as you have too much time on your hands anyway, so get busy.

Ivory0921 · Aug 25, 2008, 10:19 AM

Don't depend too much of your happiness on him. Find other things to do so that you will be happy & contented even if he isn't around. Try to focus more on the positive aspects of your life rather than nitpicking at the things that are lacking. Go out, make friends, shop, go to the gym. This way, when you see him on the weekends you'll be so pysched you two are together again that you won't even think about bringing up any arguments. And if you really do love him - don't resort to breaking up or leaving him just because some things aren't going your way. It's a relationship, not a game, right? Good luck!