[Cranberry999]

I think I may have a problem. Here goes:

I am 21... this is supposed to be the "best year" of my life... well it's almost over.
Ever since graduation, I feel alone. All my friends, ALL of my friends drifted away from one another, and some seem to be enjoying their lives much more than I am. Some have been to Paris, some are graduating college, some are even already working at their new careers.

I skipped 2 years of college because I couldn't pay for it, so I am barely beginning on my education. I have a great job, great benefits, pay, I'm getting married this Octobber, but somehow I feel like I am missing something. I feel old. I have no kids. I have nothing holding me back... so why did this happen?

All my life I have been told that I am very mature for my age. I can honestly say that I only have a few friends, and they live far from me. I have no friends...

It's not that I am a bad person; in contrast, I am a great person: I am very giving, pretty, good listener, and very fun to be with... but for some reason, I stay away from social gatherings. I always feel uncomfortable around a bunch of people. I am afraid that I will look, act, or say something stupid. I am very intelligent, but when it comes to talking to those that I don't know... I stutter. What is wrong with me?

I used to be so good at being out there in High School. Right after, my life changed completely... what is wrong with me?

I avoid social gatherings... I ALWAYS come up with an excuse, so people stop inviting me anywhere. What is wrong with me? I am young! What is wrong with me?

I get told a lot how pretty I am... not to sound stuck up... but people constantly tell me that I am a beautiful young woman... but sometimes I don't see that. Sometimes I feel sexy but other times I feel down. What is wrong with me?

What happened to my social self? Why did it go away? Can I have it back? I was never this shy... I feel so weird and out of my norm.
What can I do to change back? I want friends in my life.

[Clough]

Hello, Cranberry999!

Have you ever consulted a health care professional of some kind for the way that you feel and think?

Thanks!

[Violin]

Oh... I would say that you need to speak to a counselor... sounds like you have a lot in your mind...

[Clough]

Cranberry999 could also discuss things with people on this site to determine the best approach to the problem or problems that needs to be solved. There are some really knowledgeable, caring people here. Helping people is a big part of why this site exists.

[sylvan_1998]

Cranberry you are not alone. I feel this way many times and have to force myself to not cut out of life. I do not have any answers for you at all. But I wanted to let you know you are not alone.

I have been dealing with this since about the same age and now I am 41. One thing is social circles are not a given anymore with not being in school. You have to go and seek them out. Community classes, community activism, church, work, etc. Harder to find a group of friends. Harder to stay involved.

My problem is I am awful at small talk. Mostly I don't care about the color of your curtains or what is on sale somewhere etc. I do care when people are on a real subject but am opinionated and sometimes turn people off. Dangers of being an outgoing lady in the southern US.

Good luck and would love to hear what you do and how it works for you. Like I said you are so not alone.

[0rphan]

Hi Cranberry... you say your soon to be married, are you saying that all your time is spent with your fiancee`, do you always go out alone or maybe you spend all of your time at home together.

If this is the case, I would say that your whole life revolves around your fiancee`,because of this you've lost the art of conversation with other people.
In your mind, it could be that when your married you think that's it, you then become someone's wife, later perhaps a mother, this is life, spending your time with your husband and children,believing this is a woman's roll, your husband will do all the necessary coversing for daily life.

I'm just wondering, is that what happens now... does your fiancee`rule the roost, so to speak, does he decide if you go out or not, maybe you stay home rather than upset the apple cart,because your really not bothered, there fore you've fallen onto this pattern of daily life... get up, go to work,spend time with your fiancee`,go to bed and so on.

I think you feel that you've missed out on girly nights out and in, and just general growing up, coming from school,to college/university/marriage you are very young and have many years in front of you,to enjoy and live a fulfilling life you need to spread your wings before settling down, in my opinion I think you should postpone your wedding,have your fun before you get married,the yearning to spread your wings will continue to grow leaving you unfulfilled and eventually cause problems in your relationship.

If I am completely wrong my apologies.

I wish you luck

[SweetDee]

1. 21 is not necessarily the best year... it's the beginning of the best years in your life.
Your twenties are the best years, (but it's what YOU make of it, deary).

2. You skipped two years of college, SO WHAT! You're still very young and you're on
You way to the beginning of taking care of your education, right?

3. YOUR GETTING MARRIED... WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO. Get happy, girl!

4. You have nothing holding you back but yourself. It's a choice to want to have it all.
Just CHOOSE IT.

5. New friends happen all the time. You needa get out there and get them. You can do it.

6. You know what's wrong w/ you? You are shy. Shy breeds insecurity. Self help books
Are the cheapest way of dealing with that issue. Or if you have a few bucks you can
Perhaps get some counselling. I'm not saying you "need" counselling, I'm just saying
That if you have expendible funds and you love yourself to death, DO IT...

7. You keep asking "what's wrong w/ me", if you really don't feel yourself and you're not
Doing as well as you would like, consider therapy/counselling of some kind. You owe it
To yourself to get "enlightened" so you can understand yourself and be the best person
You can be. Life is for the living... GO LIVE. Xo