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martina59 · Aug 20, 2008, 04:02 PM

I'm needing advise as to how to handle my sister. She's always had something against my son (30 yrs), it's very apparent to several family members, including our son. Recently, she's invited the family on a get-together this Christmas, but has lied about including our son. She claims she e-mailed him, but he's not received it, nor has she talked to him to see if he's coming on the trip. I'm not sure what to do about this. She has a hair-trigger temper, and immediately gets defensive over issues like this, but I don't want to let this go... or should I (again).:(

Thanks to any and all who can offer any suggestions:

N0help4u · Aug 20, 2008, 04:09 PM

Since she claimed she did invite him through an email call her bluff and tell her that he accepts the invitation. I wouldn't really advise that except for the fact she has stated that she did invite him through an email. So it isn't like he was never invited in some form.
Call her bluff and tell her he accepts the invitation even though the email never came through and see where she takes it from there.

martina59 · Aug 21, 2008, 05:03 AM

Bad idea on all counts, but thanks anyway

N0help4u · Aug 21, 2008, 10:54 AM

The only other thing I can think of then is to turn down her invitation and possibly even tell her that since your son is not invited you are not interested in going either because your son is who you feel you should be with more than anybody on Christmas.

startover22 · Aug 23, 2008, 07:23 PM

I agree with Nohelp here, there really aren't many options but to choose who you want to be with. Him or her? It is her "party" and honestly she gets to invite who she wants. You could bring it up or let it alone, it's up to you but as you said do you really want an argument?
On another account, maybe her and him have had some encounter that makes her completely uncomfortable and neither want anyone else to know. It could be anything.

martina59 · Aug 24, 2008, 06:27 AM

If it was her party, she should've said she was inviting a few people, but she didn't... she said she was inviting the family, in which he's a part of. If she were just inviting a few people. I wouldn't say anything about not including him, but when she's included the entire family, and he's the only one who has not been invited... that's different! Also, if she's got something against him, it'd sure be nice to find out what, otherwise stop bringing up any bad qualities she sees in him to me (I'm his mom, and whatever went down between the two of them should stay between the two of them or get it resolved). But don't continue to hurt me by the way you treat him! But honestly, I don't think our son even knows why she's treated him that way for all these years. It's gone on since he was very young.

N0help4u · Aug 24, 2008, 08:24 AM

I agree with you absolutely. She is being petty to hold something against him from years ago, likely he was just a kid then and it was yrs ago... so she is being extremely petty.

startover22 · Aug 24, 2008, 10:12 AM

I understand about inviting everyone. I will bring up a sore subject... what if it were not something petty and he did or she did something... and she thinks its best to let it lie, but can't seem to say anything nice about him? Maybe this should be kept between the two of them, they ARE both adults. Something's we may not want to know, that's all I am saying;)

0rphan · Aug 24, 2008, 02:04 PM

Hi Martina,

If it were me I would simply ask point blank... what's the problem with my son?. but that's just me. If I have a problem with someone or they have with me, I'll just go to them and ask about it face to face... Have you asked face to face?.

Quite honestly Martina, this party sounds like it's not worth the hassle,why don't you just go to your son's after all he is your family and you'll probably have a better time.

martina59 · Aug 26, 2008, 04:58 PM

Because we've prayed over this, and can't get a flight out of our city during the time we could go, we're letting it go as "not being able to attend", although part of me will certainly miss not seeing the rest of my family (haven't gotten all together in over 17 yrs). We would still spend Christmas with our son and thought about attending the week after, when everyone would still be there. I guess I'd like to get to the bottom of the "ill feelings she has with our son", and realize it's about the two of them, but I also get affected by it from things like this that come up, along with some of the "off handed comments" she's made to me over the years. I guess I really needed some advise from others. Thanks to all who responded

SweetDee · Aug 30, 2008, 08:04 AM

I would have my son join... no matter what. If you want to see your family, whom you have not seen in so long GO SEE THEM, just add your son to the mix, whether she likes it or not. He's part of the family and has as much right to be there as anyone else. Don't bother discussing anything w/ her. If she's just going to blow up in your face, avoid her petty drama. Take you son, he's part of the family AND THAT IS THAT. (It seems like your son doesn't have a wife or kids... ).. he's just one person added to her list. (If you have to pay extra to have him there, then just do it). Just because she wants to make drama doesn't mean you have to participate in any of it. If she tries to fight w/ you just say, "I don't wanna fight w/ you" and walk away. Focus on why you are there... to SEE FAMILY... Enjoy them all, goodness KNOWS when you'll all be together again..