[dearprincess]

I have recently got married for just about a month and a half. My husband's mother and father live us. My mother in law is very hot tempered. She can get easily upset about small things like using a wrong rag to clean the table or cooking something in a vessel not meant for it. If I do commit such mistakes she is angry the whole day and her face looks like a volcano which will erupt shortly. Everyday I wake up I live in fear of her not knowing which step I take will make her angry. I have informed some of the things she does to my husband but he is helpless about it. Ours is an arranged marriage so everything is new for me here. She does not understand this and expects me to know the rules of the house without her having to tell me. Even if I try to speak to her she will always take it the negative way or ask another question which leaves me stumped. So I avoid talking much with her. As it is she does not talk much. To go out of the house for my personal work I need to take her permission. I had lived my life with complete freedom given by my parents who never even questioned me where I went and came. I cannot even ask my husband for us to live separately as his father needs medical care. Please help as I feel I am caught in a trap with no room to escape.

[tickle]

This woman has no right to treat you this way, as a prisoner. You have to find your nerve and put your foot down and let her know in no uncertain terms that you want to live your life without fearing her displeasure. Talk to your own parents about this and have them intervene if you can't do it yourself and your husband is too spineless to talk to his mom.

[Romefalls19]

Put your foot down and tell your husband what is going on, if he refuses to help then take the talk straight to the mother in law and be forceful about it. You need to stand up for yourself

[dearprincess]

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. I would like to inform you that I live in India and a lot of importance is given to marriage. Although I and my husband belong to a modern family my mother in law has old fashioned ways. She hardly mixes with people and her ways are set. So maybe due to that she does not know how to behave with me. I know this is no excuse for her to do that. She too has 3 daughters and I feel she obviously does want a happy life for them. I have infd my parents and they are aware of the situation but I told them not to do anything for now as it might interfere with my relationship with my husband. He does love me a lot but unfortunately he is not doing anything to make my life easier. He is aware how his mom is but also blames me that I do not know how to cook and do other household work so these problems have arose. But I was not brought up that way. I was an independent working girl.

[talaniman]

Your house, your rules, your way. Is there a way to respectfully tell her to back off?? It starts with making your own rules of conduct. Learn to say NO, mean it, and not be intimidated. That goes for your husband also.