[Inupiat30]

My boyfriend and I have different libidos and I am not sure how to make them more compatible. When we first got together I was using a vibrator to help myself about once a week. He had tried oral on me and blamed my vibrator for desensitzing me. So I stopped using it and only use my fingers. But he still has not been able to get me off with oral.

If I initiate sex with him then he tries to get hard and makes failed attempts at getting going. If he intiates sex then there is no foreplay and wonders why I'm not ready. I have tried several times to get him to engage in foreplay and then have sex but he would rather not. I basically end up telling him what to do and then he gets frustrated and says never mind. I'm at a loss here.

[Choux]

I think this is a situation of two young people not very sexually sophisticated here.

It seems from your post that you expect your boyfriend to give you an orgasm, and he is not interested in that kind of approach to sexual intercourse. Consequently, he is frustrated with the situation.

Hopefully, sexual relations are a joining of two people who are on the same level of contact with their passions and ability to express their passion in order to get fulfillment. The best sexual relationships are those who both are passionate and orgasmic going into a sexual relationship.

What I am saying is that I think you need to get in touch with your sexuality and passion, and that could take awhile. American females have a problem having had their sexual expression quashed by religion, parents, society... and misrepresented by the media. Lots to overcome. :)

Sex for women is not simple... it is complicated. Females are far more complex sexual creatures than men are. Undoing harm done to females about their sexuality from the areas I mentioned above takes some time and effort.

So, I think you are right, you two are not compatible at this time. Don't go out and get a new boyfriend, work on yourself without a vibrator. :)

My very best wishes to you on your sensual journey! :)

[kp2171]

sounds like he's not well experiened and is impatient and quick to blame.

if he is unwilling to engage in foreplay, he is in for a long, boring life in bed with poor results...

buy and read She Comes First: A Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner.

its not a sex bible. Its an easy read I recommend because its not gross (as some sex books can be), its short, its simple, its aimed at oral performed on the woman but really its more about taking time for proper sensitization... and some books just don't get that.

chances are he's quickly jumping right at your cl!toris, when that's the last thing he should do.

if he cannot, or will not, take the time to slowly sensitize your skin and your body (and I don't mean foreplay = kiss, neck, and feel you up), if he won't wait long enough for your body's hormones to do their work, he's an idiot.

the time I take tracing my partners body and sensitizing her is absolutely not "work"... yes... I only learned how to be a better lover by listening to the strong women who weren't afraid to demand for from their partners and more from themselves...

chances are you have some work to do... you need to find the things you need to be able to lose yourself in the moment. As I've said before, for my partner, shed love a hot bath, a clean, neat bedroom that's comfortable being naked in, privacy, a rested body and a rested mind, and a slow buildup of sexual tension through intimate touch and teasing.

so if he's just going right at your cl!toris, he is doing what he thinks he needs to do... he's just clueless about all that needs to happen before that. By the time I get there, I want my partner to be pulling me to her with both hands.

its not always like that... but that's my hope.

read the book. Mark what's interesting to you. Pass it onto him. If he's too proud to learn a thing or two, then you know exactly what you are dealing with.