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Kay-D · Aug 7, 2008, 04:47 AM

Hey guys um I'm not too experienced with getting help through forums, but I have no other option so I hope someone can help me..

Um, since about 2005, a few years after I began high school, when I saw everyone around me getting exactly what they want in their life.. it started hitting me where it hurt sort of speak.. I used to be very optimistic and positive.. but after numerous events which let me down and made me feel like nuthin was working out for me I just lost my positive spark... anything I ever work hard for, anything I work towards.. anything I desire always gets handed to sumone else and I'm left let down.. over and over again..
Its happened for like 4 years, and its just driving me crazy... everything I look at now I have a dark and negative perspective towards..
I have completely lost the ability to be positive towards anything anymore.. I have no drive in life..
Everything goes from bad to worse and repeats..
I just duno what to do anymore.. I have no where to turn to.. no one to speak to..
And I don't know how to motivate myself anymore..
I'm also in my final year of school and I'm worried that this negativity will ruin my future.
I just hope someone here can help me.

I just want to be happy, confident and self motivated.
Help please
:(

elj123 · Aug 7, 2008, 05:37 AM

Hey Kay-D, I was going through a period just like that, basically, it's a little bit like depression. First of all, you do have someone to talk to, you could try to find a therapist or talk to your guidance counselor, or if you have a best friend, you could talk to them, and don't leave out your parents (and if you go to church, a minister). I know it hurts when things let you down, but you just have to brush it off your shoulder and move on to the next thing. You can't let these events weigh you down and have you unfocused on what you can really accomplish. As soon as you get let down, go lock yourself in your room, cry over it for a few minutes, find you some chocolate, and go do something! Try to forget about it, I know you probably won't completely forget, but you're right, all this negativity could affect your future.

Also if you want to be happy, walk around with a smile on your face even when you're sad. People will think that you are very confident and this will get you be even more self-motivated. Or join a club that you know you're good at. Good at piano? Go play at a nursing home. Good at sports? Join a team. Good at acting? Join a drama team. And if you don't know what you're good at, then join a whole bunch of clubs, or volunteer somewhere, so you can become self-motivated and confident in the things you do.

So, if you would like, we could also talk about what specific problems you're going through to get them off your chest by e-mailing me. So, anyway I hope I helped some.

tadita83 · Aug 7, 2008, 06:02 AM

Wow!! You sound just like me when I was in high school. I was in that place too, but I eventually got out of it. I'll share with you what happened to me. I hope it helps. I was always considered to be the peppy upbeat optimistic one in my family, and when all of this hit me I started faking that optimism because I knew my friends and family would notice and ask me what was wrong and frankly I just didn't want to discuss it with them. All of my friends had boyfriends and I was just too terrified to talk to a boy so I didn't. They all seemed to get exactly what they wanted, and I ended up with the short end of the stick. I used to get so depressed. (I don't know your religion, but I'll share this just because it is important to my story, please take no offense) I used to pray, "God, I do what i'm told, I'm the good little girl, yet everyone else seems to be living the good life while I'm stuck in this pit, what's the deal?" It wasn't something I got out of right away, but eventually I did get out of that pit. I just learned to be happy with myself. To be happy with the person I was and not necessarily the things I had or wanted that I didn't have. It didn't make me want those thinks any less, it just made me live in hope that those things would eventually come, instead of believing they never will because they seem not to ever come to me. I graduated high school and went to college where I truly found myself. Things are a lot different when you get out of high school. I found something that made me feel good about myself which changed my attitude to being more positive. I discovered that I liked to help people, to make a difference. So I would get involved in whatever I could that could put a smile on someone else's face. I led my youth group for a while, volunteered at nursing homes and children's hospitals, put on outreach events for the area, I even organized a free music festival for the kids in our area. I don't say any of this to pat myself on the back, please don't take it the wrong way. What's something you like to do that makes you smile? Do more of that. U just need to give it time, most importantly DON'T GIVE UP. Better days will come. "The sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning" Take it from someone whose been there and done that. It won't last forever. It may feel like you can't go on, but you can and if you do it'll get better and you'll look back on those bad times and say this was totally worth it. I went from being the shy lonely kid in school to being 25, having a great job and a wonderful boyfriend and I look back at those times now and realize that the trials were worth the good times. Don't give up! Don't give up! You're in my thoughts and my prayers. I hope in someway this story helps.

Kay-D · Aug 7, 2008, 03:09 PM

thank you, Tadita yes it did help, ill try and think about those things and stay motivated, your experience and mine are so much alike, lol and I thought I was the only one I knew with that problem.

thanks again =)

Kay-D · Aug 8, 2008, 06:34 AM

Thank you elj123, all the advice from everyone does help, I want to try and practice that things that you guys talk about.. and hope I can better myself..
It is quite hard but I guess with the advice given on here I can make it through.

LostInHisEyez · Aug 8, 2008, 01:32 PM

I was like this throughout my whole high school time, and I just graduated and I'm going to college. I always blamed myself for things that weren't even my fault! And I saw a therapist (against my will) and I stayed with her for three years. Once you find someone who you can completely trust, and confide into, because sometimes a friend or family is just hard. But once you find someone - it gets a little better =)

mimi03 · Aug 8, 2008, 03:32 PM

tadita83 did exactly what I am going to suggest to you... Volunteer.

I joined clubs during high school and participated in sports but nothing gave me more joy than helping others.

I volunteered at a Hospital in my city, I was a mentor for the Big Brother Big Sisters of America Program etc. Doing these things will help you to see beyond your issues and to appreciate the precious things in your life.

I remember meeting a patient who was my age (about 17 at the time) in the Intensive Care Unit awaiting a heart transplant, He was so pleasant to be around. Somehow he made living in a hospital awaiting a life altering surgery seem like a breeze... having those type of encounters helped to make me so much more aware of what's truly important and how to appreciate life and the positive people who are in my life.

I hope you can find something to give you this experience, don't count out volunteering!. I started thinking I was going to do a completely selfless deed but in every situation I gained so much personal growth from it :)