[coogiez]

I've had lost track of the weeks and days,

After removing that schooling status from my life,
Getting up, going too school, doing nothing, coming home.

Now I work flexible days, only three times a week they say.
Always split up, and every week I go, further down this track.

I feel my mind numb, my thoughts were becoming less and less insightful.
No where near they were before I began.

I began too feel disgruntled, like nothing was comfortable, every breath I drew in felt horrible, every movement pushed my mind further into the dirt.

I stopped listening too music,
I stopped caring about my reasons.

I started too care about others reasons.
I started listening too other people.


And my brain started too rott,
I felt like I was losing who a was.

All this stupidity flooded out of these people and filled me with anger, spitefulness and extreme judgmentalism,
I had then forgotten one (of many) standards I lived by.

Too not judge naïve, arrogant, judgmental people.

And when I began lashing out,
Others heard,
The ones I now didn't know.

And I mean I had forgotten what they meant for me,
I don't have any "friends" as such,

But these people,
These people I knew, looked like disfigured monsters that had just risen from a shallow grave,

And in my rage I threw them out, my own mother became one too walk around.

I didn't trust anyone, I felt like I was truly alone, never reasoning, just hiding.

And with every passing hour, another string that tied me too my logic snapped,
Sure, I have a lot of strings, but they wouldn't have lasted for ever.

I became a beast, lashing out at naïve people like they were ignorant.

Anger rushed out of me, poisoning everything I knew.


How I got out of that mind is unknown,
Mabye I heard a snippet of a song I had once used for guidance,

Mabye I was just lucky too have thought something that triggered another thought.



But now I have found my reasoning,
And through all that,
My reasons feel more comfortable, useable and truthful then they ever have.


But that poison takes time too wear off,
My vigilance will not wear thin again.

Even if going through that made me aware of several things time had pushed into the shadows, now I know and understand more.

Ever so much more.












I have still lost track of the weeks.

[IntroducingEmy]

Is there a question somewhere in this? Are you depressed? Do you want a critique of your writing? I'm a little confused.

[Tralyn]

Very deep. I am trying to determine too.. if this was a growth period in your life. Was there something else going on during this time... 'lost track of weeks'... amphetamine? That could be a reach of course and if I'm off base I apologize.

Either way - nice deep pour out of your angst! Pour away - feels good to let some of that go! : )

[Clough]

coogiez likes to express himself by writing. That is part of the reason for this topic area on this site existing. People are free to express themselves artistically in writing here. Sometimes it might be poetry of various kinds, the lyrics to a song, etc.

I can identify with and understand where you are coming from in some of what you wrote above, coogiez. Sometimes, it can take a lifetime to understand the reasons some things have happened in the past to us and the way that we, as people, might have felt about certain things that made us angry or uncomfortable and why we acted a certain way. But, with the wisdom of maturity and experience over many years, we can look back and realize why we felt and acted the way that we did in order to continue on in a proactive way toward the future.

To me, it's called "getting on and moving forward with my life because the past is the past because I choose to move forward even though some of the things that happened in the past might continue to sting me for awhile, if I choose to let them, but because I know that I can move forward, in time those things that still have some residual stinging will fade in time."