[Annabelle521]

My soon to be husband is a bit of a big kid. He was raised by 3 women (thus he has a lot of girlfriends) and had a lot of really bad things happen to him growing up that has greatly affected him today- issues we work on in counseling. I am a small town country girl, raised by an extremely loving family. I'm 26, he's 33.

Here is the situation, he was married about 6 years ago and has since reconnected with a close friend of that marriage. This friend is good friends with his ex and also a very "out there girl". One of those girls that doesn't have many girlfriends, and pretends that she just can't figure out why. I understand the situation to be because she also had a very troubled up bringing like my fiancé, and constantly seeks attention from men- this makes other girls uncomfortable. She just divorced her husband whom she constantly belittled and is seeking friendship/comfort constantly from my fiancé. He had never been that close with her before, but they seem to have suddenly reconnected. The hard part is that my fiancé works from home and has unusual hours- she has the same. They are always hanging out during the day and sometimes going out for drinks at night, he texts her and erases so I can't see. I am always invited to go out, but since I work regular hours, I don't want to stay up late. I thought he was over his partying phase, but its like he enjoys that she brings that out in him. I think she is a terrible influence, and exudes negative energy. I have tried to be friends with her numerous times, but just can't stand her talking about her sexuality, constantly hitting on men and talking to them about their sexual experiences to get attention.

After my fiancé decided to go out with her a few times when I was tired, I finally told him this was uncomfortable and inappropriate. He blew up at me saying I don't trust him and now he can't hang out with his best friend because I am insecure. He acts like she is the only person in the world that understands him. He swears that she is like a sister and has never come on to him and I am being ridiculous. He tried to make me say everything I don't like at her, and then he defended each point and was outraged at me.

I'm not sure if I should just let this ride, until she finds someone else to attach to, but he swears that they used to be so close before they lost contact with him and his wife divorcing. I'm having so much trouble telling my fiancé that this just isn't fair to me and if the table were turned he would be furious... he assures me he wouldn't and he keeps pulling the "you do not trust me" card and ending it at that. Obviously it hurts my feelings, I just don't know what to do.

[N0help4u]

Tell him that if she is friends with her then she should be friends with you as well and you should be able to fit right in with them any time any place. You should not be excluded in deciding to be included in their conversations and all.

[plonak]

Wow this is a serious problem between you too. If I hadn't heard the details about the kind of person she was, I would say they are just friend don't worry, but considering she is very sexual and that it's intriguing your fiancé, I see trouble here. It seems like they have a connection...

Hopefully nothing sexual hasn't happened yet, but you have to realize that it could potentially turn into that. The fact that he's deleting the text messages is really bad.. my ex did that, and no good came from it.. if he didn't have anything to hide about the text, why would he delete it.. obviously he's saying things that are inappropriate.. RED FLAG..

I totally don't know your situation but I'm seeing that your relationship is having problems. If he was completely happy in the relationship I don't think he would be needing this attention from this new woman. You need to sit him down and get to the bottom of the real problems and confront him about him deleting his text messages.. You CANNOT marry him until you guys work this out.. because the problem will only magnify.. guaranteed..

Also, I wanted to bring one more thing up.. she is the type of girl that likes sexual attention right? She craves it.. I'm assuming that he is giving that sexual attention to her because she is sticking around and being his friend.. I believe that if she wasn't getting that attention she would ditch him.. If she's that kind of a girl, why else would she be friends with him? She's obviously getting something from this..

Please talk with him and if he refuses to talk, then I suggest you break up with him