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flower81 · Aug 3, 2008, 11:50 PM

Hello guys
2 wknds ago I got into a massive fight with my partner.
I was going off one expressing what is making me upset and half way through the argument he says "well what u going to do about it". (he tends to say that a lot when we fight) which instigated me and I throw back the engagement ring in his face.

He got upset and said he will throw it in the ocean as he asked me to never do that when he had given it to me.

A few hrs later we made up, and we spoke, I apologised about the ring.

However till this day 2 weeks later he still didn't give me back the ring! :(
Why?

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 4, 2008, 01:49 AM

He's afraid of getting pelted in the face with it! Or better yet, he thinks that you think your engagement is dispensable... and that's your fault. Throwing the ring back in his face when you fight, is saying, "I give up; on this fight, on you, on us, on this engagement, take your ring back."

He's probably iffy about giving the ring back because if he thinks you think the engagement is dispensable, what about the actual marriage?

You two need to learn to communicate better. When he says, "What are you going to do about it?" Simply walk away and ignore him for a few hours. Once you've both calmed down, sit next to him, kiss him on the cheek, and explain yourself calmly.

flower81 · Aug 4, 2008, 02:49 AM

When is he going to be ready to give it back?

When I asked he said it doest mean because you ask for it I'm going to give it back immediately :(

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 4, 2008, 02:52 AM

He will give it back when he thinks that you are going to take care of it, I assume.

An engagement ring is a sign of love and commitment, and you threw that in his face. He will give it back when he is ready.

flower81 · Aug 4, 2008, 03:43 AM

Im sure
I feel bad for doing so but him saying "well what u gonna do about it then" was a big instigator but ill walk off next time.

I want my ring back :(

Tuscany · Aug 4, 2008, 04:32 AM

Ask him about it. Then you know what he is thinking, you know where you stand, and you both can communicate your feelings. Guessing why he has not given you the ring back does nothing but make you crazy... go to the source and ask.

Romefalls19 · Aug 4, 2008, 04:59 AM

So just because he asks "well what you going about it" you throw an engagement ring, something that symbols love, commitment and respect, back at him? This is after you had agreed to never throw it back at him. No wonder why he hasn't given it back to you, if it's that easy for you to throw it back in his face I would be holding onto it for awhile too. Next time try to learn control over your emotions

flower81 · Aug 4, 2008, 05:36 AM

Always easier said than done! Romefalls19

Tuscany I have asked him -
He just doesn't say much.

I guess I have hurt him
:(

flower81 · Aug 5, 2008, 01:45 AM

Should I message him to say sorry again?

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 5, 2008, 01:48 AM

Message? Text message? Do not do things like this through text message.

Also, if you keep pestering him about it, I'm sure he's going to take his sweet time giving the ring back, if he even does.

flower81 · Aug 5, 2008, 01:55 AM

Yes that's true! Ill leave it
He knows I'm sorry

In fact last week I asked him twice when is he going to give it back and he said it doesn't mean because you ask me ill give it back, the more you ask, the longer ill take

:(

happy_jester · Aug 5, 2008, 07:48 AM

What's all this about the ring??

Concentrate on building up,again,the relationship with your fiance' [in a genuine & sincere
Way]and,who knows,he may well,then,give you back the ring

N0help4u · Aug 5, 2008, 08:04 AM

Sounds like he feels you are back at square one so why should he jump back to engagement status until he feels you are that serious again.

flower81 · Aug 26, 2008, 01:54 AM

Still no ring!! :(

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 26, 2008, 01:56 AM

Are you still pestering him for the ring?

Guidostern · Aug 26, 2008, 02:08 AM

I had the same thing happen to me... my girl gave me back the ring I bought her... I still have it locked away in a safe. I told her that I sold it at first and she tried to act like she wasn't bothered, but she was and still is.

You have to give him time... there is a lot of trust to be rebuilt in this situation. Like everyone says, if you keep pestering him for the ring, then you are just pushing him further away. You have to show him that you are for real, not just say that you're sorry... sorry doesn't cut it in this situation, no matter how sincere it may be.

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 26, 2008, 02:13 AM

I agree, and perhaps he thinks that you care for the ring. A ring is only a tiny bit of the actually engagement, this is the time that you should be learning more about each other, growing closer, planning your life together, planning your wedding, not worrying about why he still isn't giving your ring back. Pretend that you are wearing it, and focus on the other things that you should be. If he sees that you are dwelling on this, he may believe that you only care about the ring and not the actual engagement.

happy_jester · Aug 26, 2008, 03:12 AM

He may believe that you only care about the ring and not the actual engagement.

Exactly,you're needing to focus on the relationship,itself,(and what you want to do/not
Do about it) rather than the ring.

Tuscany · Aug 26, 2008, 05:44 AM

You need to forget about the ring and concentrate on our relationship. If you can build the relationship back, then the ring will come. Being focused on the ring shows your boyfriend that you care more about that then him.

liz28 · Aug 26, 2008, 06:05 AM

Even if you had the ring that would not make the problems go away and it still does not guarantee anything. Your foundation needs to be strong and that's want you need to work on. So the next time if you get a heated argument you won't throw it. If you ever get in a heated argument again walk away and cool down, that's is what I do, otherwise I'd say and do things I'll regret later.