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PumpkinPie89 · Aug 3, 2008, 01:23 PM

Hi, I'm 35, have a masters degree and am in general, viewed as a sweetheart... I do tend to not have long term friendships though. Things will be going great and then the friendships either fade out or we get in a disagreement. I'm trying harder than ever to be a good friend, but they still don't seem to stick.

I'm now in a relationship. My boyfriend is great, but I often question whether he's the right guy for me. He's solid, supportive and crazy in love with me. I guess I want him to be FUNNY!! And that isn't who he is. He is tense a lot and has trouble just relaxing and being light hearted. So, I've made things worse by pointing out how I've been disappointed by this. Now he says I'm way to critical it's affected our sex life. We barely have sex anymore and this has been going on for a few months. Now I'm getting verbally abusive. I'm horrified. It's like the littlest thing can set me off. Last night, I had too much wine and I guess I said awful things that I can't even remember and broke up with him.

I hate myself for how I'm treating him. He asked me why I'm with him and I honestly couldn't say. I know he's alone in the world and desperately wants a family. And to be sure, he treats me like gold. He has also shown me how wonderful and caring he can be by the way he treats my dog. I love having him in my life because he makes me feel safe and secure.

So, I guess I'm wondering if I can work through this or if it isn't there at all. And also, curious if anyone else has issues with angry outbursts who learned how to manage them.

My boyfriend just wants me to stop being mean. I want me to stop being mean, but I CRAVE affection and warmth and I get frustrated when I feel he's not responsive. He appears stern and doesn't smile much. I smile all the time. When we speak on the phone his voice is monotone and he isn't the greatest at conversation. I know he loves me and is interested in what I'm saying, he just is lacking in these skills.

Please help!

tickle · Aug 3, 2008, 02:25 PM

I guess you have to work through those issues, pumpkin my dear. It seems to me the good outweighs the bad in how you describe your relationship. Could you have a bipolar condition. Why not get checked out at the doc and see if there is anything lurking there that possibly a med could fix.

Choux · Aug 3, 2008, 04:42 PM

It sounds to me like you are good at the initial superficial and on-good-behavior part of a relationship with a man, but when it comes to deepening that relationship and being real and close, you are afraid of rejection(consciously or unconsciously)and stir-up trouble(and nitpick) to spoil everything.

You are going to need some talk therapy to get to the bottom of this self-destructive behavior. :)

Best wishes in the future,

btrflykss1109 · Aug 9, 2008, 01:19 PM

I spent most of my life like that, I've never been able to hold down any kind of longterm relationship. I learned later in life that I suffer from Bi-Polar and that that was the reason for a lot of my thinking and behavior. I've been on medications for 2 years now and I' couldn't be happier. I'm with a guy that loves me and is good to me and this time I can see it. I see him and our relationship for how it is and now how I think it should be. Try talking to a professional to make sure you don't have an underlying problem. There are a lot of disorders out there that will cause you to have a distorted outlook on things. Good luck and I hope for the sake of your happyness you get the answers You need.

N0help4u · Aug 9, 2008, 07:20 PM

YOU need to accept and love him for who he is and appreciate that he loves you.
You can't have every great quality in a guy, everybody has their personality and you have to learn to adjust and compromise. You are never going to find the perfect guy and you can not mold somebody into being the perfect guy. You need to get over your perfect ideal of what you expect in a guy and love him for the flaws as well as the things you love about him. If you expect a guy to live up to your ideal list of a love of your life you are going to end up sad, lonely and hurt that love passed you by. I bet he could point out a lot of your flaws as well but he accepts them with the package deal so you should too.

You need to make up with him and make up for hurting his feelings and learn how to pick your battles and accept and even learn to love the little things you can not or should not change.

PumpkinPie89 · Aug 13, 2008, 02:22 AM

Originally Posted by btrflykss1109

I spent most of my life like that, I've never been able to hold down any kind of longterm relationship. I learned later in life that I suffer from Bi-Polar and that that was the reason for alot of my thinking and behavior. I've been on medications for 2 years now and I' couldn't be happier. I'm with a guy that loves me and is good to me and this time I can see it. I see him and our relationship for how it is and now how I think it should be. Try talking to a professional to make sure you don't have an underlying problem. There are alot of disorders out there that will cause you to have a distorted outlook on things. Good luck and I hope for the sake of your happyness you get the answers You need.

Thanks!