[tadita83]

Ok, I'm directing this question to the fellas because I'm hoping it will help me to understand how you guys think. If any ladies have some insight though that's cool too.

I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We have a good relationship, but we're still in the phase where we are still learning about each other and play it kind of safe. So. Our primary means of communication when we are not together is text messages because it is easier than trying to catch either one of us with a phone call. So we talk using text messages and the two of us make loose plans for the weekend. Not really plans, just we're going to do something. So this day rolls around and I'm sittin' and waiting for him to let me know what we are doing. I even ask "are we doing something" and when I directly ask I get NO reply. Until I ask a second time and then either we decide to get together and hang out or he's busy doing something and we can't, but when we see each other again we're cool. No hard feelings just the same attraction we had before. So what's the deal. Why can't a guy just answer the question? What is the guy brain thinking when the girl brain is thinking: No answer I must have said something wrong!! Please, help I really want to understand. :eek:

[High Max]

Ok, I'm directing this question to the fellas because I'm hoping it will help me to understand how you guys think. If any ladies have some insight though thats cool too.

I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We have a good relationship, but we're still in the phase where we are still learning about each other and play it kinda safe. So. Our primary means of communication when we are not together is text messages because it is easier than trying to catch either one of us with a phone call. So we talk using text messages and the two of us make loose plans for the weekend. Not really plans, just we're gonna do something. so this day rolls around and i'm sittin' and waiting for him to let me know what we are doing. I even ask "are we doing something" and when i directly ask i get NO reply. Until I ask a second time and then either we decide to get together and hang out or he's busy doing something and we can't, but when we see each other again we're cool. No hard feelings just the same attraction we had before. So what's the deal. Why can't a guy just answer the question? What is the guy brain thinking when the girl brain is thinking: No answer I must have said something wrong!!! Please, help I really want to understand. :eek:

To me, it sounds like his interest level may be a bit low. I have a few girls that I have made loose plans with in the past, and I was just too lazy to reply to them. I find if I know that I have them locked in early on, the thrill of the challenge is lost and I get lazy. That may not be the case here, but it could be. Then when they are indifferent and are more challenging or don't talk to me, then I will start talking to them more.

I'd try and be more of a challenge and tease, see where it goes.

[happy_jester]

I'd try and be more of a challenge and tease, see where it goes.

Seems to me,by going "hot & cold" like that,he's the type of person that finds it hard
To make decisions & keep them.

As this is a new relationship,being more of a challenge and tease will only put pressure
On the relationship.

The best way,would to talk to him honestly (& directly) NOT by text,but face to face

[Always_helping]

Hate to say it but: Some guys like to play games (little and big). Some guys like to "toy" with the ladies to see what they can get away with. I am not suggesting that this is what is occurring in your situation, but you *may* want consider what I have said.

Also, like another responder mentioned, attempt to speak to him FACE TO FACE. This allows you to watch is non-verbal communication. If you cannot speak to him face to face, then TALK ON THE PHONE about making plans, etc.

Texting is useful, but is not always the best tool to communicate.

A few follow-up questions: How old is he? Does he have a college education? If so, how much? Has he ever been married? How old are you?

Peace.

[ISneezeFunny]

Hm. A lot of the answers have been that he's just not interested in you... but in my opinion, I think there were just a few faults here.

You two are both playing it safe; the neither of you want to seem too involved... just yet. With that said, you two made "loose plans," which... are, in fact, loose plans. It's up in the air. Also, you sat around and waited for him to tell you what you two were doing. Why? I know that the "guy is supposed to call first"... but... it's 2008. Girls can make plans and follow through just as well... and can often be helpful.

Lastly, you texted him. Sure it's great for, "hey, what's up?" but if you two had something actually important to talk about (in this case... your plans), you should have called him, no?

I'm not too quick to say that this guy has little interest in you... as I make loose plans a few times with girls, which rarely actually go through because like I said... they're loose plans... so I don't really count on it. I usually go about my day until either I think of something to do, or I run out of things to do, or she contacts me first. Doesn't mean I'm not interested, just means that I was busy doing other things.

Communication. Communication. Communication.

[WhatN3XT]

As a guy, I would suspect that you may have fell for a player. I don't have much info to go on, but anyone that don't answer calls & text would either have found something better to do or just not interested in doing something with you. If I were you, I would stop texting him and wait for him to contact you by phone or in person. Awhile ago, when I was dating multiple people I would always prioritize who I would go out with by my own interest. I may have broke a couple of hearts along the way, but I was honest with the ladies that I lost interest in and remained friends. Ask yourself this, Do I want to date someone that doesn't communicate with me? Good Luck.

[ISneezeFunny]

What WhatN3XT said is possible... he may be ditching you, but... in my personal experience, I've done the same thing this guy's doing... and it's not that I was ignoring the texts or the calls... but it's because I was really busy doing something, or I just plain missed it.

[AmExp]

I hate when a person takes forever to respond via text.

[Stringer]

I tend to believe what the above posters have suggested that it may be a low interest factor. If he were more interested I believe that he would be devoting a lot more time to you.

I don't know his current situation though such as; is he extremely busy at this time i.e. has he just started a new job, is something going on in his life presently that is stressing him and taking up his time, etc. If not, then I go back to my prior statement above.

I think that building a lasting relationship (with the right person) usually takes a lot of effort and time. And texting should be used at a minimum. I agree that the direct approach, face to face works best.

If you are to find out where this possible relationship is going you need to have more direct contact. There are a lot of unspoken signs; eye contact, sitting close, hand holding, ease of conversation, expressed interest that can be viewed sometimes and not heard.

And this is not just a "man" thing either, many women react the same way as he is. And the reason I think is mostly the lack of high interest.

Some questions please: has he introduced you to any of his friends, does he do anything special when you are together like open your door, pull out your chair, offer you a drink, etc? I know not everyone does these things today but I am suggesting that if he doesn't show a keen interest even when you are physically together then I would begin to seriously question his motives.

When I dated before my marriage and after my divorce, some girls were what guys call "fillers" (not my term my dear) and were kept around to have fun with, dates for company, and other possible reasons. Please don't allow yourself to be one of these types. If you find things aren't improving or moving along as you would hope they would. Then I suggest you call a spade a spade and talk with him face to face, it will soon be a month. You should have some small idea about this by now. And from what you stated above, you should start getting some answers soon.

One final question... who is the one that mostly initiates contact, you or him?

Stringer

[ISneezeFunny]

But... what if the guy's busy?! I understand that it's really aggravating... but some of us really ARE busy... or we don't hear the message sound. I've had exes get mad at me for this... but... really, in my pocket, I have my bberry for e-mails, another bberry for phone/texts, and a palm pilot for e-mails and scheduling.

... I'm CONSTANTLY beeping, like I'm a walking bomb. And as business comes first, sometimes, I just don't answer texts for a few...

I figure, if it's important, they'll call... right?

[AmExp]

Ok Sneezy, understand what you are saying but efficiency is the WHOLE point of texts. Sometimes you say what you can in a text BECAUSE calling takes too much time. As we know, there is an entirely different language FOR texting simply created for time management. Why is it so hard to say... Can't talk. I'll hit u up l8tr or whatever? I feel like if someone is waiting for a response, the least anyone could do is give it to them.

[ISneezeFunny]

Yeahhhh but I thought texting was also the halfway version of an e-mail and calling... so that I can respond to it whenever I want... but not so much that I have to go home and write up an e-mail?

I feel that this is a big problem between some people... my exes used to text me and then after 10 min or so, get another one saying, "um hello?"

... I was at the gym.. . didn't have my phone?

Perhaps it's just me... may explain a lot :(

[Stringer]

Hi Sneezer,

"I don't know his current situation though such as; is he extremely busy at this time i.e. has he just started a new job, is something going on in his life presently that is stressing him and taking up his time, etc." -Stringer

"Some questions please: has he introduced you to any of his friends, does he do anything special when you are together like open your door, pull out your chair, offer you a drink, etc? I know not everyone does these things today but I am suggesting that if he doesn't show a keen interest even when you are physically together then I would begin to seriously question his motives." -Stringer

Covered...

[Stringer]

Thank you sir... :)

[AmExp]

Ok OK, both of you have valid points. Touche'... FOR NOW! But some people like to have a conversation via text... and what about those who just take forever to respond? That's rude.

[ISneezeFunny]

Finger cramps?

Bathroom breaks? (I guess... you could text in the bathroom... but... I try not to. Not a big fan of taking my phone to the toilet)

Driving?

Perhaps... they can't think of a good response?

Perhaps they got a call?

I'm just making up excuses of course... I was never one to really like text-conversationing. Just seemed too impersonal for me, at least. Call me old-fashioned, but I like phoning.

[AmExp]

I think the best thing for anyone to do is when they are not getting the response is just to pull back and let the partner initiate the text conversations... but I am a person that likes those little cute texts from a dating partner or boyfriend like what are you doing? How is your day going? They make me feel good...

[talaniman]

I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We have a good relationship,

It sure doesn't sound that good, and how could it be?? For one, drop the texting, and speak directly, and that would end a lot of confusion when your trying to hook up for a date. Your strangers getting to know each other, and frankly 3 weeks is to early to tell if this will work or not as the lines of communications are just getting started.

There could be a million reasons he doesn't answer his texts promptly, but should a delay be taken personally? Or more read into it than is necessary? For sure this freaks a lot of people out, so drop that mode of communications, until you have a better grasp of his routine.

Relax and go slow, and don't assume anything until you know him better, and you should be having fun doing it. You don't give much in the way of details like age, education, and employment, but I can tell you its to early to be tripping. If a week goes by, and he hasn't called, dump him as he isn't interested.

[AmExp]

And what happens if the guy doesn't respond at all...

[talaniman]

Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't make time for you, and there is no excuse.