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chasing101 · Jul 30, 2008, 10:03 AM

I have a very dear friend in need of some advice. He is an ex-con, having had multiple DUIs in a short period which garnered this time a Felony; did 6 months in a minimum security facility in a program in lieu of prison. He lives with his child's mother and would like to get out of that relationship and gain custody of his daughter. He already knows she will fight him on this and not because of his ex-con status. He is very hesitant to bring up her past and current issues that basically make her an unfit mother. I told him he may need to get past that and do it anyway. My question: is it at all possible for him to gain custody? How might the court handle this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

progunr · Jul 30, 2008, 10:08 AM

While it is rare for the child to be taken from the mother, it is not impossible.

He would have to change his attitude about bringing up the facts that make her an unfit mother though because that is the ONLY way he can prevail.

If he has FACTS, that would prove her unfit, then it is his DUTY to protect the child and do whatever it takes to get the child out of danger.

chasing101 · Jul 30, 2008, 10:59 AM

Thank you, progunr. I do appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. I did talk to him, again, just a few moments ago, about the need to document everything that is going on.. to save all his receipts because the mom is on State Aid although she never has any money. He supports her, her other daughter by a prior relationship, himself and the baby. We also found out that he needs to establish paternity either via a mutual agreement filed with the court or via a DNA test. A step most people don't know about.. just because you're on the birth certificate doesn't give you any rights when you are unmarried! He has a lot to think about and welcomes all information. Thanks again.

ScottGem · Jul 30, 2008, 11:08 AM

First, if he SIGNED not birth certificate (not just listed on it), then he is considered the legal father until and unless challenged. However, if he goes to court over any issue pertaining to the child, the court will most likely order a paternity test.

Second, with mutliple DUIs, he is no great example of a father either. So, the mother would really have to be terrible and he would have show significant rehabilitation for him to gain custody. Impossible, no, a real long shot, yes.

He NEEDS to consult an attorney who can advise how to handle the case.

twinkiedooter · Jul 30, 2008, 11:21 AM

How is she getting "State Aid" if he is supporting her? If he is living with her in the same household I believe she would be ineligible for state aid. Or am I wrong about this issue?

chasing101 · Jul 30, 2008, 12:29 PM

Scott - you're right.. he may not be the best example of a upstanding citizen and father, HOWEVER, he has made a 180 degree turnaround since his daughter was born. I believe she has saved his life and he is on a new path. He's in AA, he's taken several other programs and courses, receiving certificates for same. And everyone deserves a second chance, right? As for the mother.. she has an ongoing drug issue, she is verbally abusive [screaming, cussing, name calling, etc.] to her elder daughter [11] and while she has not done so with this new child, it's only because he is there to be the buffer and the caregiver. Whenever the mom goes ballistic, he takes the baby either out of the room or outside until she cools off. He is 110% committed to caring for this child!

And he is in the process of contacting a lawyer. He wants to do everything in the correct order and make no mistakes.

Twinkie - that's an excellent question. I believe she has lied about her living situation in order to gain the aid. It's also my understanding she has a child endangering charge against her for leaving her 11 year old home alone recently [long story, of course]. Not sure how that will turn out.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 30, 2008, 12:38 PM

It is not his but her lifestyle that may make the biggest differece unless the mother is a real threat to the child, she will get at least joint custody.

chasing101 · Jul 30, 2008, 04:27 PM

Fr. Chuck.. I think it's agreed/understood she will get joint custody, the issue will become him getting to be custodial parent. He has a fear she will outwardly appear to be a good mom, however, behind closed doors when he is no longer living there.. what will happen. He doesn't want to separate Mother and child totally, more he wants out of the current situation, live his new life and make a stable home for his daughter. The mother is a very vindictive woman and has a real sense of "competition" within her relationship with him. That scares him.