[lulu122]

Hi
Right some background for you...
I was with my ex for almost a year and we never really talked about our feelings that much but got on well and I thought things were going well. At the start he said he had never been able to settle with a girl before, but then I thought after so long that was no longer the case. He has always put bets on sport etc but I didn't realise how bad it was getting towards the end, he can't buy his own place now as he has no money saved and he has to live at home (at 30). Where I live people can't afford to rent places / buy till quite old.

We had a chat a couple of weeks ago and he said that it wasn't working and we shouldn't be together anymore (he had become moody etc and changed behaviour). I was shocked but kind of pretended I was OK, he said he didn't want to give it time and that was it... the main reason he gave me was that he couldn't see himself living with someone but he didn't know the reason... like something was stopping him but he wanted it to work out. I

I sent him a drunk text and we ended up in bed together and he just left. I found out he deleted me from Facebook so he 'couldnt see what I was upto'. We then saw each other again this weekend but nothing happened as I said I didn't want a repeat of last time, which he was fine about but he was very touchy and we kissed too.

But now he has admitted that his gambling was a lot worse and he can't live a normal life anymore because of it, he has also said he still cares a lot about me. Its like he has told himself that he shouldn't be in a relationship but then he was so much happier in the beginning and now he's on his own his gambling has got worse. He hasn't got many friends to help him with it and I think I could really help him get over his problem, which he has admitted to me. I don't know what to do! Now we have started communicating again, I want him to know I'm here for him.. I don't know if the gambling was a cause of him finishing with me.. I really really like him and want him to know I care.

[plonak]

Ok I'm sorry for your situation. I've been in your spot, I just broke up with my ex last week.. he's a recovering alcoholic and a recovering gambelor..

I became co-dependant in our relaitonship and tried to fix everything, making things even worse.. It's hard work being in a relationship with an addict.. it's dang hard.. and it's something I'm never going to do again..

Gambeling is a VERY VERY hard addiction to break.. you can never truly detox from it and as my ex said the urges are so uncontrolable.. The only thing that stopped him for good was giving his life to Jesus Christ and asking him to take away the urges to gamble.. my ex truly wanted the addiction to be gone.. So, I really think that's the only real way to get rid of an addiction is to give it to God and truly want it gone, my ex even went to gambeling annoymous and worked the 12 steps, and nothing except God truly helped..

So keeping that in mind, I suggest you tell him what I've told you, tell him to get help, seek a higher being, work the 12 steps (really work with God).. and I suggest you leave it at that.. let him heal on his own.. mainly for your own well being.. it's never good sticking around with your ex, especially him being an addict, it will only bring you pain..

No more drunk texts, you need to move on and heal.. after you lead him to the right resourses go to no contact, and don't worry about him anymore, it's not your place to worry for him, you're not his girlfriend anymore.. you need to worry about you now

[Rockstar714]

You can't change someone unless they want to be changed. The only thing you can do to "help him" is to give him the gambling addiction hotline number and wish him the best. Regardless of if you think you can change him, he'll try to gamble unless he gets the help that the needs. You can be there for him for moral support, but I wouldn't rush back into a relationship with this guy until he gets his life in order for himself.