[dothon]

Since my divorce seven years ago after 38 years marriage my eldest daughter doesn't communicate with me she's called on me in my house four times in the last four years I did ask her the other xmas that I would prefer to see her once a week instead of presents which we have done quite regurarly since also I took her to canada we do go out for meals but there seems to be an atmosphere between us
She only lives five minuites away she's joined the church now so she has plenty of friends
I haven't seen her for a month now as she keeps making excuses

My son phones me everyday also calls on me but never takes me out
My youngest daughter takes me out for a drive whens she's able I used to have the grandchildren when they were small now there older they don't call on me

I do belong to several clubs also have friends it's the weekends I hate

Im finding people are using me as well

I would like your opinion also advice please as I can't sleep when I start thinking

>Moved from Forum Help<

[zoe01]

Have you tried talking to her? maybe you should tell her how you feel, there maybe no problem at all as far as she's concerned, but you never know, so talk to her,zoe

[dothon]

Zoe

Thank you for the reply

I keep meaning to but something stops me do you think an email would be better

Joyce

[zoe01]

I think if you write it all down in an email,but don't send it, then you will know what you have to say, talking to her face to face is the best option, zoe

[MayfairLady]

Did you get remarried or have you a new partner? Do they see their father regularly? Why do you think they may be distancing themselves from you? Are there difficulties from the past unresolved?

[dothon]

Thank you zoe

Its nice to have someone else's opinion

[dothon]

MayfairLady

No I never remarried I have male friends but don't go out with them anymore as they are so boring

Yes they see their father about three times a year when he comes down from up north we live in the south and he takes me out for a meal when his partners not around


I don't think my eldest daughter wants to hurt me by telling me the truth as I've never known why he left me in the first place he phoned me one night and went and said he's going to his other life which I'm sure was going on for years as he's still in the same house were he used to have b.b when he went away on business which he denied in court

[MayfairLady]

Thanks for your reply dothon. I have been thinking about you and your situation and hope you find a positive way to deal with it. It is hard to get the full picture online, that is why I asked the questions.

From what you have told me you would like more time with your children, but they seem to be busy or getting on with their lives without including you much in things. As they do not see their father that much either, I would not take this as an insult or look at it totally negatively. Try focusing on the positive. Your son rings every day, and through the divorce you still have lines of communication open with all your children which is a bonus. Maybe your daughter does know some things and she feels guilty about knowing what you don't, but that is not your fault, that is something she has to deal with and you cannot really help her with that.

You say you feel used at times, so stop doing for other people and worrying about how they are and start doing for yourself. This is not selfish, this is taking care of you. Do things you love as much as you can, invite your children, but if they don't want to come, find a good friend to go with instead and enjoy yourself. Once you start loving yourself and caring about how you are you will find that you grow strong and will only allow people in your life who do not use you, nor will you put yourself in a position to be used. This is a slow process so take it easy on yourself and start with simple things and watch your strength grow. A couple of months trying this you will start to see how you have changed and wonder how you let yourself get down on yourself. Sometimes children come round and start to behave unselfishly themselves, sometimes they don't, whatever you have to accept that that's the way it is and get busy with your own life. They may see they are loossing out, they may not, it is important for you not to loose out and be happy that you have tried everything you can to be part of, if they don't accept, then the ball is in their court and you have nothing to feel bad about.

I know it is difficult when family is involved. That is why we are able to choose friends to help and support us. Stick with people who add to your life, we have all made mistakes in the past but today we can choose not to make the same mistakes and move forward knowing we are choosing a better way, a new way, as difficult as it is to start doing this we do it, cause the old way didn't work.