[Kia]

Ive been dating this guy since February. Its been moving very fast and we decided to move in together. Lately things have been difficult though. We get in arguments about phone calls, where each other has been, etc. I have also been going through a little rough time financially, and that has been a burden on my mind for me. So sometimes I do have an attitude; but I usually apologize. Anyway, my issue is during our arguments he has told me to go see another guy if I want to. If the phone rings late or something, he's question me about it. If it's a guy I'll tell him the truth, and tell him why he called, and also tell him that I told the guy I have a boyfriend. Then my boyfriend will tell me that I should go see him, and he doesn't care. This has happened 3 times.

I am hurt when he says this because I don't feel that a guy who claims to love his girlfriend would tell her to go see someone else like that. He tries to say that the guys shouldn't be calling that late, or calling at all. But I can't control when someone calls me, and I'm with him almost all of the time, so he knows I'm not cheating.

He says he's going to have new friends as well. I am upset and don't feel this is fair to me; or that relationships should be like that in general. I honestly can't tell if he cares about me or not. I'm not sure what to do because I don't want to be a stupid woman in this situation. Advice needed!:)

[hollylovesbrandon]

My question is... why do you have guys calling you at night? How did they get the number to your home... your home where you live with your boyfriend? He sounds just a wee bit jealous and I honestly don't blame him.

[Kia]

Its my cellphone, not my house phone. We've been going out for 5 months, and I was very single before I met him, and I told him this. There are guys who still have my number and call late. But he knows I'm not cheating. But I feel like it's a slap in the face to tell me to go see them just because they call late. Am I wrong?

[Romefalls19]

You need to tell those guys to stop calling, there isn't a reason to talk to guys you used to hook up with late at night

[Chery]

Sorry dear, but I too have more questions than answers at this point.

If the guys that call you know that you are attached, why don't they call you at a decent hour, or not call you at all out of respect? Did you tell them that you had a life and a boyfriend at the moment (oh yeah you did, but they don't take that serious) or are you looking for something else while still maintaining his 'support'?

So, if you broke it off with him, you'd probably have to live somewhere else, find new financial help and new friends, wouldn't you?

Are you really sure you don't want to loose him to another because you care, or because you need him?

Ask yourself these questions and then get back with us. I don't judge, but do like to hear the real deal, and that's not what I'm hearing from you. Usually apologizing while having an attitude and frustrating him so much is not going to help you reconcile things with him.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[Emland]

If a guy calls you late at night why can't you simply say. "I'm in a committed relationship now, please don't call me anymore." Or do you want to keep them as a back up?

Your relationship is crumbing because neither of you have made any effort to build a foundation before making the huge leap of moving in together.

[talaniman]

Its been moving very fast and we decided to move in together

From meeting a stranger to living together in less than 6 months?? No wonder this is starting to crash and burn.

[Chery]

its my cellphone, not my house phone. Weve been going out for 5 mos, and I was very single before I met him, and I told him this. There are guys who still have my number and call late. But he knows I'm not cheating. But I feel like its a slap in the face to tell me to go see them just because they call late. Am I wrong?

Your question was ''are you missing a clue'' at the beginning.

Yes. In a 5 month relationship, there should be sharing of common interest, warmth, compliments, and getting to know each other better. So, now you've learned that he objects to being interrupted in his sleep or whatever else by your cell phone still being on when you are with him and that by doing so, you are feeding his insecurity. Any guy would be upset by this, and justifiably.

This early in the 'dating game' a man would like his ego fed, not his jealousy scale. So, naturally he is going to be upset.

As for the 'slap in the face' - you are both doing this to each other. It does not sound as if either of you are working at this relationship. So, what is it that you really want?

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear from us, but would you want him to ignore this or jump for joy that you are so popular?

You need to communicate more and decide exactly what you want.

[Kia]

Well, I stopped having guys calling; and found out that he was talking to his ex still He claimed it was because I had guys calling late at night; but I had stopped for about 2 -3 weeks. He started to become more and more arrogant such as talking about how good looking he was constantly. He complimented me maybe twice through our whole relationship. And THEN last night some man told me I was pretty while we were at the Chinese carryout and I asked him why is it that other people can say I look nice but he hardly says it at all. Then he told me how I wasn't pretty; he never thought I was pretty and he has dealt with pretty women in the past & it didn't work. He said he got with me because he thought I was "nice". I told him I was insulted and he said it was a joke & he wasn't going to joke with me anymore. All of this with attitude attached to it.


So... basically I moved out last night and we had a big blowout. Oh well, I guess that's that...

Thanks for all of the advice though. I will definitely take my time to get to know someone better in the future. I just hope I find a great guy for me; if there are any left... lol:(...

[Chery]

Sorry it turned out this way, but at least you know where you stand and that you deserve more respect in the future.

No matter how many relationships we go through, we always learn more about ourselves and what we want in the future - that's the good part.

We also know that it takes time to get over the rejection and hurt and that it takes time, but it still happens to millions of us humans every day and we survive it. So will you.

Keep busy, go out with friends, go to some new places and try out some new things... that always helps with the healing.

Good luck dear, and keep in touch. We will help you through the process.

You too will find someone to share life with.