[hannah_nicole]

Just wondering how anyone here in a relationship feels about their partners going to the strippers? I personally feel it is a form of cheating. Its not like porn, there is an actual real person in front of you getting naked and your paying them for this. I believe you should only view your significant other naked in the flesh. My partner sees no problem should he want to go, and thinks its controlling and unreasonable that I'm not OK with it. Does anyone think its unreasonable for me to not want him to go?

[WVHiflyer]

As long as all he's doing is looking I see no problem. He's going to look no matter where he is. The important part is then coming home to you and using up the 'energy' he got with you. The only other consideration is the amount of money spent...



-

[ylaira]

I have a problem with that too and he has to consider that if he respects me as his partner.

[JBeaucaire]

Once again, I remind people that dating is about discovering compatibility. You're looking to find out if you see things in life the same way or not.

His going to strip clubs is absolutely fine. Your not liking it... absolutely fine. What ISN'T FINE is you two setting at odds and trying to control/change each other.

Good relationships are based on two people being themselves, fully and joyfully and successfully, and making room in each other's lives, too.

If you're dating someone long enough to find your list of "wish this would change" is growing and your referring to it more and more, PAY ATTENTION. They're not doing anything wrong just being themselves.

Rethink this whole "change your behaviors to please my world view". It's really the worst of all possible dating methods.

[Chery]

Once again, I remind people that dating is about discovering compatibility. You're looking to find out if you see things in life the same way or not.

His going to strip clubs is absolutely fine. Your not liking it...absolutely fine. What ISN'T FINE is you two setting at odds and trying to control/change each other.

Good relationships are based on two people being themselves, fully and joyfully and successfully, and making room in each other's lives, too.

If you're dating someone long enough to find your list of "wish this would change" is growing and your referring to it more and more, PAY ATTENTION. They're not doing anything wrong just being themselves.

Rethink this whole "change your behaviors to please my world view". It's really the worst of all possible dating methods.

Need I say more? Communication, finding out about each other and accepting one another just the way you are or not is what's important.
Get off the path of life he enjoys if you don't like it and find your own.

I enjoyed Flavio and the boys when they were in the clubs here, and when I got home, I appreciated what I had because my man did not complain (with a capital B) about me going out and having a good time with my friends on girl's night. I looked at the menu and had my quality meals at home.

[N0help4u]

Personally I do not appreciate a boyfriend going to strip clubs but you do have to give them some space and they are not doing anything but looking at something they can't have.
To me it is sort of cheating because they are taking away from time they could be with you.
Basically as long as they treat it as an occasional day out and not something they frequent on a regular basis then you do need to let him have his space some.

[N0help4u]

Sort of as in his actions causing her to feel the way a girl does when a guy cheats but he isn't.

[Lovelee]

I personally don't see anything wrong in bf's going to strip clubs. I don't want to be too restrictive when it comes to what he does. He can very well be veiwing strippers on the internet or view it on TV, its still a naked woman and it simply means nothing to me. Now if he were involved with any of them that would be a problem. Now I'm pretty sure my boyfriend would be pissed if I went to see men strip but I wouldn't do it if I knew it upset him. I would expect the same in return.

[Ash123]

I think it's a good litmus test for a relationship.

I don't think there is anything wrong, and the woman can go if she wishes. (unless he wants to go as a lifestyle choice - and not just 1-2x a year for an event etc.**)
But, if she is not comfortable with him going they need to talk it out and he may have to stop going if it is too traumatic for you.
life is about communication and trust. And this is good practice. Does he let you do things you want?

talk it out.

[JBeaucaire]

I do want to add that although the best situation would be for you to be self-confident enough to not be bothered by this at all, the next best thing would be for you to be able to express your discomfort with it without portraying him in a bad way.

"I don't want to be a controlling g/f, but I do want to be honest with you that the whole stripper-club thing is a real problem for me. Go, have fun, I'll be OK, just know that for some reason I feel hurt by it, and I know you're not doing anything wrong."

The interesting thing about this approach is you may eventually get the result you want. If you hug on him and send him out with a polite reminder this particular outing feels hurtful to you, but you DON'T blame or pressure him, he may just be inspired to eventually give it up on his own.

Relationships are either growing or waning. No such thing as "comfortable". Comfortable is just "waning but no one is paying attention." So, if your bond to your guy is continuing to grow, the desire to sacrifice FOR one another is growing as well. At some point, you will want to give up your fears and controlling ways for him, and he'll want to adjust some of his habits to give you a greater sense of security.

It will just happen. Or... it won't. Both results are important to notice. Growing or waning. Growing or waning.

[berrysweetncgurl]

Well my old saying is "it doesnt matter where they get their appetite from, as long as they come home to eat"

But if it bothers you, he shouldn't do it. If you are only worried about "what" he is doing at the strip club... go with him... scope the place out and maybe get yourself a lap dance.
I know that sounds kind of harsh but you may see that the girls are there to "work" the crowd and make money, not just out to sleep with your man.

[progunr]

My wife MADE me take her to a strip club with me before we were married.

I tried my best to convince her that I really didn't want to go, but she was very insistent.

So off we went.

Sat at the stage, got a couple of beers, I'm watching the dancers, she "goes to the restroom".

She comes back, sits down, next thing I know, I have the dancer with the biggest hooters in the club, wanting to give me a private dance!!

I went along with it, got body parts rubbed all over me, even got a little hands on action myself, while my fiancé at the time, watched.

Shortly after the private dance was over, we left.

She has yet to stop complaining about the $60 SHE spent on that dance, and it pisses her off even more when I tell her that I didn't really enjoy it.

I would have preferred it had been her dancing erotically for me, and she could have saved her $60.

If he respects you and your wishes, he won't go to the strip club.

If he does go, it speaks volumes about where you rank on his priority list.

[talaniman]

I don't care if my wife goes to a strip club with her friends, and has a blast. What's the big deal?

[liz28]

I like Tal, I don't care if my boyfriend goes to a strip club. I don't see any harm. My boyfriend not into it but I've drag to him to one to see if he would have a change of heart but did not. That don't stop me from going once in a while. I don't do it often but at most twice a year with friends.

Have your boyfriend ever cheated on you before?

[hannah_nicole]

Thanks so much everyone, your posts have been very helpful. And just to add yes he lets me do most everything I want, it is definitely more me with the problem of allowing freedom, I know its stupid, but it makes me anxious if he is out without me. There is no real reasoning for this-he has never cheated I just want to be with him I suppose. This is my first relationship & we have been together a year. Do you think it has to do with the fact we are still learning to trust one another? Or me to trust him?

[hannah_nicole]

Also previously to being with my partner I have been to a strip club, I know nothing quite so serious happens there except a few old men with wet spots on their shirts after returning from a private dance. He has no interest in bringing me there though, it's a night out with the boys. He tends to get ridiculously drunk though & has no better judgements. May he just forget about his girlfriend at home.. I wouldn't mind so much if I knew he wasn't going to get a private dance.

[talaniman]

I wouldn't mind so much if I knew he wasn't going to get a private dance.

I have been to many strip clubs, and never had a private dance, okay I'm cheap, but with the price of drinks, no way!

[Alty]

I don't care if my wife goes to a strip club with her friends, and has a blast. Whats the big deal??

I do agree Tal, but there is a big difference between male strippers and female strippers, at least where I am.

I used to go to the male strippers with my friends once in a while. The male strippers are never completely undressed, they always strip down to a thong. They are not legally allowed to interact (touch) the audience, there are no lap dances or anything like that. Why did we go, the music was good and the guys definitely knew how to dance, but it was us getting together to have a fun girls night, it wasn't really about watching a bunch of guys in G-strings.

I went to a strip club with hubby once (before we were married) and I was shocked. Some of the things those girls do on stage, I couldn't believe it wasn't illegal. The lap dances and mingling with the costumers, that wasn't okay with me.

So I guess I'm a bit biased. I don't see anything wrong with a girl going to the male strippers, because I know what will happen there, nothing. But a guy going to the female strippers, its seems he can get pretty much whatever he wants while he's there.

It might be different now, it's been a while since either hubby or myself went to the strippers, but if it hasn't changed, then that's my point of view. :)

[Ash123]

I agree it is not exactly casual fun and a newly married guy might think twice.

But... In the name of full confession: I was in vegas last week at an expensive club and the strippers lap dances were rather... uummm... thorough.

I, was, however, not drunk and not home all that late.

The next morning I called my girlfriend and had a laugh... but she knew this was not going to be happening any time soon again.

For what it's worth it had no bearing on my attraction or adoration of my significant other.


It sounds like you have some trust issues that go beyond the strip club. I mean you do not 100% believe that a pretty girl will not turn his head or distract him... hope you get there. It isn't about right and wrong, but feeling right and trusting long. Good luck. Hope he plays fair if you let him go... and does not come home drunk and smelling of perfume and expect you to give him a big hug.

[bunnybear]

If he is goingto strip clubs just for the sake of going,then YES!
Why does he need to go to strip clubs when he's got a lady at home?he can view her naked.
There is the events when there's bound to be strippers and can not be avoided e.g.. stagg nites
Maybe you could dance for him,its fun to get dressed up girly and watch them get turned on by you.