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zawatska · Jul 21, 2008, 07:36 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years, and you would think he would be used to our intercourse together.. ha right... It seems that before I even get excited about what we're doing, it's over. Get my drift? In lack of correct terms, he cannot hold his load! I don't know if he's too lazy and tries to hurry, or if I pleasure him that good. Please help on ideas how to make him last longer! It's driving me crazyyy! :rolleyes: We have tried Durex lubricant which is supposed to make him tingle and not orgasm, but it does not work... not even close. We've tried switching positions, nope, no luck. Please Help!

hannah_nicole · Jul 21, 2008, 08:21 PM

You and your boyfriend could try either him pleasuring you orally or manually before sex to get you in the mood, increased foreplay, him masturbating an hour or so before sex can increase stamina. Or he could press hard on the perineum (piece of skin between testes and butt) when he feels he is about to come as apparently this stops him coming however I've never tried it. Hope this helps! If not maybe speak to a doctor, as premature ejaculation is a common problem in men.

kp2171 · Jul 21, 2008, 10:04 PM

You've tried positions that allow you more control, such as woman on top?

After he hits orgasm, can he "go another round" after a short refractory period?

Are you able to reach orgasm through self stim or oral? Have you been able to reach orgasm during sex with him or any other partner? How long did it take? How quick is he? As mentioned, is he willing to perform oral on your first, or are you willing to self stimulate while he is inside you?

zawatska · Jul 22, 2008, 04:16 AM

Yes, we've tried every position. Lol. And he cannot, no way in heck go another round. Once he hits his climax, its time to sleep... or eat. Lol. And no, I am not able to orgasm from his sex, or foreplay. Not at all. He is willing to do anything, as so am I. Even if we foreplay the whole day before having sex, it doesn't slow down his orgasm. He always has one! Thanks everyone.

kp2171 · Jul 22, 2008, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by zawatska

And he cannot, no way in heck go another round. Once he hits his climax, its time to sleep...or eat.

there's an old saying that's bounced around the military for years: pilots have three "emotions"... hungry, horny, and sleepy. =)

OK. So you haven't been able to get there with him... but I'm not sure you answered all my questions about your ability to hit orgasm.

can you reach orgasm through self stimulation, by yourself?

can you reach orgasm through oral performed on you? Some might call that foreplay, some won't. Not sure what you define as foreplay.

have you tried self stimulation while he is inside you, meaning a wet finger at your cl!toris?

have you ever had an orgasm with any other partner and by what method?

what constitutes foreplay for you? What is the typical "routine"?

and how "fast" is he? He finishes before you, but what does that mean? A minute? Several? More?

zawatska · Jul 22, 2008, 07:01 AM

I have a bad habit of not answering every question lol sorry... so here it is! He isn't a pilot, but that sure sounds like him! I think he's just lazzzzzzy. And I can orgasm, if I do it myself. ;) I've tried self stimulation while having intercourse, but that doesn't work because he finishes so fast. He lasts about a minute and a half! And if I give him oral before intercourse, you can count the time he lasts down to about 40 seconds TOPS. I lost my virginity to him, so there has not been any other partners. Typical foreplay routine is oral (both of us) toys sometimes, fingers etc. but foreplay does not last very long because we get so excited and want intercourse! I'm at a loss...

I should just give him a cookie and not have sex! (your profile ;)

ang8318 · Jul 22, 2008, 07:25 AM

Just a suggestion... have you ever tried to have him tell you when he's about to climax, then stop all stimulation for him? If not give it a shot, it worked very well when my husband and I were dating, and now he has no problem at all.

kp2171 · Jul 22, 2008, 08:47 AM

Glad to know you can reach orgasm, even if its been through self stim. Some women cannot get there no matter what they try. So... you can get there.

Several things need to happen. He needs to work on holding back, you need to work on being mentally lost in the moment... not just wanting sex... losing yourself in it... which is hard to do when you are constantly anticipating his quick finish.

You mentioned that oral is performed on you commonly during foreplay. Ever to completion? Can he get you off orally before intercourse?

I have really mixed feelings about what should be considerend foreplay. For me it isn't about kissing and necking. Its about building sexual tension through deliberate, restrained touch. I love my partner to bite at my ears, but not during foreplay. Don't want her to play that card too soon.

I can get my partner off probably 9.9 out of ten times with oral. I can get her off with intercourse maybe 3-6 times out of ten. I know her body very well, what she likes and needs, and even then she's just much more responsive to oral. A previous partner I had I could get off through intercourse all the time. Period. King of the bedroom it seemed. no... she was just "wired" differently. Very responsive to strong stim that many women couldn't take.

Now... why did I give a range for my partner concerning intercourse and getting to orgasm? Because it depends on the moment.

I've said before if I want to give my partner an orgasm I want her to have had a long, hot shower. I want her naked in a comfortably warm bedroom that is clean, kept, and no distractions around. I want to build up sexual tension through sensual touch. No mouth to mouth kissing. Skin on skin. My hands over her body head to toe slowly and deliberately. I want my lips to tease her along the way, but mostly its about sensitizing the skin, giving time for her body to adjust. Her face will flush, her breasts will warm, her breathing will change... all from taking time to build tension through simple touch. To me... that process, getting the other persons body and mind sensitized through very little "sexual" play is what real foreplay should often be.

All that said, with a busy life and a child in the house, there are many times when much of that "perfect" scenario cannot happen, and therefore the success at getting her to orgasm through sex is really varied.

So... first thing is to try to optimize your environment and your experience. You need to be comfortable and relaxed, not just interested and wanting.

Next, he needs to make this more about you. If that means oral to completion on you, so be it. I personally think this can be a great way to build some "wins" when the woman has had problems getting to orgasm through intercourse. The more you believe you can reach orgasm, the better your chances. Your mind is your most powerful errogenous zone. You need to tap into your ability to lose yourself in the moment... but you aren't getting much time to do that now.

Has he used a condom to decrease sensitivity? Has he tried self stimulating earlier in the day to perhaps make him less pent up? As mentioned by ang above, he should practice holding back as he nears orgasm through stopping and then resuming again.

One member here recently claimed her partner had a similar problem and what fixed it was hed stop as he begain to near orgasm... hed get up from the bed, go to the bathroom to urinate, then come back to bed. Apparently after being aroused again he could last much, much longer.

So... perhaps oral on you to completion followed by a series of "start and stops" on his side to work on longevity? Or he needs to self stimulate but do the same... work on nearing orgasm, but then stop it both mentally and physically.

Ian kerner wrote a book I mention all the time (I should be getting royalties) called She Comes First. He's a doctoral sex therapist who talks about how oral on the woman is his "preferred" method for two reasons. First, he admits to being a quick finisher and he reverted to oral early on to make up for his lack of longevity. Second, he believes that more women can reach orgasm through oral versus intercourse. His follow-up book is He Comes Next. Perhaps pick it up, read it, and share it. Its an easy read and my partner and I both found things that were interesting and helpful.

Choux · Jul 22, 2008, 10:44 AM

How many minutes do you want the stroking to last, z?

Two minutes?
Five minutes?
Ten minutes?
Half an hour?
One hour?

Do you want him to stroke longer because you can orgasm after a certain number of minutes?

Synnen · Jul 22, 2008, 10:57 AM

Some women, Choux, enjoy intercourse for itself, not for the orgasm that can be obtained from it.

Longer than a minute and a half isn't unreasonable to ask.

zawatska · Jul 22, 2008, 12:20 PM

Thanks kp, I'll have to keep that in mind... although I'm happy you gave me this advice, I don't think it's going to work! It seems the longer we "foreplay", the shorter intercourse lasts because he's all built up. I'm going to try your way tonight... hope it works!

hjpan · Jul 22, 2008, 12:28 PM

A minute and he finishes...??

Wow D;

that is FAST... he needs to CONTROL HIMSELF

zawatska · Jul 22, 2008, 12:30 PM

I KNOW! It is quite depressing, but flattering at the same time. ;)

hjpan · Jul 22, 2008, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by zawatska

I KNOW!! It is quite depressing, but flattering at the same time. ;)

Go slower..

No bj for him... but he gives oral to you?

The friction of bj increases the intensity...

zawatska · Jul 22, 2008, 01:32 PM

Of course I give him oral too. But I think I'm a slight bit better at it than him! So I shouldn't give him oral before sex? That will make him climax faster?

hjpan · Jul 22, 2008, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by zawatska

Of course I give him oral too. But I think I'm a slight bit better at it than him! So I shouldn't give him oral before sex? That will make him climax faster?

Yep

zawatska · Jul 22, 2008, 07:17 PM

I guess I'm just too good to him then. :)
I'll start teasing him.

smoothy · Jul 23, 2008, 05:33 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Some women, Choux, enjoy intercourse for itself, not for the orgasm that can be obtained from it.

Longer than a minute and a half isn't unreasonable to ask.

Hell, if he can't do 10 minutes the guy needs to learn a bit of self control. Lacking that try getting him to wear two condoms... he won't feel squat so maybe he won't be minute man. And get him to slow down... it isn't a race to see how fast you can go.

My wife would be rightfully ticked if I did less than 20 or 30 minutes.

zawatska · Jul 23, 2008, 06:37 AM

Condoms ey? I didn't know he wouldn't be able to feel anything... I should get the ones that make him tingle. Lol thanks

smoothy · Jul 23, 2008, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by zawatska

Condoms ey? I didnt know he wouldnt be able to feel anything... I should get the ones that make him tingle. lol thanks

Two regular condoms will significantly reduce the stimulation so should get him past a minute... but seriously... the guy needs help. If he doesn't want to get it I feel sorry for the woman he's with (which is you).

The key is mental self distraction as well as pacing ones self (you can't go at it like a jackhammer).

I can and have gone for well over an hour that way, and once went 4 hours but agree that is excessive (but heck I was 19). Conversely if I was in a big rush I could do it in 5 minutes if I tried. In your late 40's even an hour and a half is exhausting physically.

And I taught myself this almost 30 years ago, well before the WWW and self help books. I believe anyone else that really wants to is capable of this as well.