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birdie1989 · Jul 21, 2008, 04:48 PM

I have a dilemma. My s/o has cheated and betrayed me in the past. At one time, we were separated for 1 year due to the fact he wanted to continue his relationship with the other woman.

After the separation, he decided he wanted to reconcile our relationship. However, he had established a relationship with a co-worker while he was breaking off the relationship with other woman. During an eleven month period, he pursued me. He stated he changed and things would be different, no more secrets or separate lives, which meant that he would incorporate me into his life with friends, including females.

While pursuing me, I found out about the relationship he developed with the co-worker and expressed my concerns because this has been a pattern. Since the other worman was also a co-worker. He claimed they were "just friends", so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided to give him a chance. I began to receive feelings that something more was going on. I found pictures that she sent to his cell phone, as well as messages of him asking her when they would be able to get together. After a month of reconciliation, I continued to have other suspicions, i.e. her calling on midnight (Valentine's Day).

Now, he does not understand how I do not want to be intimate with him while he maintains contact with her. My explanation has been that I have been in this position before with him. Why does he not seem to get that when you betray someone that cutting contact with her, and establishing other relationships with other women would keep me from engaging intimately with him.

Your thoughts.

plonak · Jul 21, 2008, 05:06 PM

My thought is that people DON'T change for anyone but themselves.. I think the motto. "once a cheater, always a cheater" is very very true, if the person hasn't compeltly fixed themselves for the better..

Do not waste your time with this guy, he's not worth it.. by cheating on you and lying to you he is blatently screaming to the world that he doesn't have an ounce of respect for you.. that's just the facts honey..

Loose this dud before you get wrapped up in this again.. and you will always end up hurt and alone in the end... please have more respect for yourself!!

birdie1989 · Jul 21, 2008, 05:27 PM

Originally Posted by plonak

My thought is that people DON'T change for anyone but themselves.. I think the motto. "once a cheater, always a cheater" is very very true, if the person hasn't compeltly fixed themselves for the better..

Do not waste your time with this guy, he's not worth it.. by cheating on you and lying to you he is blatently screaming to the world that he doesn't have an ounce of respect for you.. that's just the facts honey..

loose this dud before you get wrapped up in this again.. and you will always end up hurt and alone in the end... please have more respect for yourself!!!

This is exactly what I said, that he has no respect for me or the relationship and is giving her the power to disrespect me as well. Especially since she knew that he was trying to reconcile the relationship. As far as ending up alone, I am secure enough with myself to be with myself.

Thanks for your honesty.

Romefalls19 · Jul 21, 2008, 05:39 PM

I agree, he doesn't have respect for you and your relationship. You have obvious red flags from this guy, normally I wouldn't say a phone call is a red flag, but on Valentine's Day, that's odd to say the least. I would start to distance yourself from this guy, he appears as a chronic cheater

birdie1989 · Jul 21, 2008, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I agree, he doesn't have respect for you and your relationship. You have obvious red flags from this guy, normally I wouldn't say a phone call is a red flag, but on Valentine's Day, that's odd to say the least. I would start to distance yourself from this guy, he appears as a chronic cheater

I am aware of the red flags and honestly I feel I made a mistake when I thought that he would have changed. The thing is that he continues to make excuses because of the age difference (9 years). Also, we have been on/off for the last 12 years and out of this, I have two beautiful daughters. You would think a man would want more for his girls, but I am starting to think otherwise.

I am glad that I am getting responses from a man's point of view.

Thanks for the honesty.

talaniman · Jul 21, 2008, 09:44 PM

He does what he does, because you let him. He knows you'll eat his crap, and let him back.

He is a cheating azz, what does that make you??

Sorry to be so harsh, but 12 years of this is unthinkable. You should be collecting child support, and doing better with your love life. Sorry.

Romefalls19 · Jul 22, 2008, 05:37 AM

I agree with Tal, my current relationship, she has 2 girls from a previous relationship(it didn't last 12 years like yours) but she stayed through cheating, drugs and abuse but eventually you have to say enough. Put your own needs and what's best for your kids first. He isn't going to change, things don't seem to be getting any better. At a certain time you have to just realize this and cut your losses