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jaydin23 · Jul 21, 2008, 02:51 PM

Me and my boyfrined have been together for about 2 years. The last 4 months have been hell. He lost his job and thinks the world has came to an end. So when he gets mad he tends to want to put me down. Is he going to be like this from now on or do you think he's going through a faze?

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2008, 02:54 PM

Most likely he will go through the faze until he finds a job and feels better about life.

plonak · Jul 21, 2008, 04:33 PM

It's really hard for men to lose a job, because they feel helpless, they have no control, they also feel like failures.. so it's a touchy subject..

I suggest you back off a little.. you didn't mention this but are you helping/nagging him about getting a job? If so don't help him anymore, let him do this on his own.. my ex-boyfriend lost his job a while back and noticed that the more I bothered him about it, the less he'd want to do anything about it.. and I would have to prod him all the way along.. so it's like I always tell people, "the tighter you hold onto someone, the faster you lose them" the same goes for your situation..

JBeaucaire · Jul 21, 2008, 05:24 PM

One of the reasons you date a person for a long time is in hopes of experiencing exactly what he's going through right now... the down times. Early dating is all sweet and happy, almost fake it's so "positive". But eventually reality settles in and people act normal again.

That's good. What's great is when some "down times" come along too and you can REALLY see who each other are. This is so useful. Guys are pretty consistent critters.

So, now you know how he's going to treat you when things are going badly. Yes, this is a "phase" he's going through and when he gets a job he'll probably be good again.

But so what? The "down times" are coming again. Mr Hyde will return again. Just decide NOW that you can live with this particular Mr Hyde each time he comes to call. If so, there you go.

Romefalls19 · Jul 21, 2008, 06:23 PM

Just a phase he may feel inferior because he cannot provide for you

talaniman · Jul 21, 2008, 07:55 PM

so when he gets mad he tends to want to put me down

I think you are seeing the other side of your man, so pay attention. If this is how he handles bad things, that can happen at anytime, I wouldn't call it a phase though. Reacting poorly may be a better term, and I understand loss of a job. Leave when he is angry, and job or not, abuse is still wrong. Give him a minute to regroup. Take no abuse!