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teena bell · Jul 19, 2008, 06:47 PM

I posted a few days ago that my dad did not tell his new wife about me(to get the whole story on why he was not in my life I'll have to e-mail you or write a book,lol) but, now she knows and have e-mailed her over the weekend,she knows why and now know about me she seems accepting and all, she wants to talk to me , should I talk to her, I don't know what she will want to know I told her mostly the whole story, but, anyway she seems really nice and all , she is already starting to plan con a visit to my town to meet daughter and myself. What should I call her? What should I have my daughter call her and my dad? I don't know I'm scared , comfused hopeful , cautious , amd many more other feelings hare coming. I have spoke to my dad, now for about a month, she did not know that he had been speaking to me until now today is the first day she things I spoke to him (this os OK with me that she thinks that) but, I just need some advice or someone that has been through something simmular to this anything at this point will he helpful, thanks you guys again for great information , it is always good, to hear someone else say what you think just to let you know that someone else thanks thinks the same way sometimes.

Chery · Jul 19, 2008, 07:34 PM

Hi dear, and welcome to the forum.

I've asked Admin to move this thread to the Teens section so that you can get some responses from your peers who might have been or still are in the same situation as you are right now.

This is the sort of 'adult relationship' section and usually has questions of the 'heart' in it, so don't panic if you see that it has been moved.

As for your issue... I'd not panic. If she comes to see you, just let her do most of the talking, relax and then ask the questions you want answers to. Don't worry about what to call her, she'll introduce herself and let you know her name. She's not really a relative, so just call her by what she gives you.
Take all the rest by ear and see how you get along. No need to make it like a 'job interview',and you don't have to be friends unless you both get along.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

hjpan · Jul 19, 2008, 07:41 PM

Meet with the new wife and your father.

Be strong and make sure that you are able to handle the situation.

teena bell · Jul 19, 2008, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by Chery

Hi dear, and welcome to the forum.

I've asked Admin to move this thread to the Teens section so that you can get some responses from your peers who might have been or still are in the same situation as you are right now.

This is the sort of 'adult relationship' section and usually has questions of the 'heart' in it, so don't panic if you see that it has been moved.

As for your issue... I'd not panic. If she comes to see you, just let her do most of the talking, relax and then ask the questions you want answers to. Don't worry about what to call her, she'll introduce herself and let you know her name. She's not really a relative, so just call her by what she gives you.
Take all the rest by ear and see how you get along. No need to make it like a 'job interview',and you don't have to be friends unless you both get along.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Well, see I just don't think that teen can answer I am 26 years old and a lot has happened that led to this sisuation, it's a long story up until 3 days ago she did not even know that I even existed. She found my post that I posted looking for my father. We are all adults. And I have spoke to her threw e-mails and such. But, its just a long story and was going to write a letter before I meet her as they live 1025 miles away. So well, I'm comfused myself. And yes, she is family ,she married my dad, I'm his daughter so that officially makes her my step-mom.

teena bell · Jul 19, 2008, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by teena bell

well, see i just dont think that teen can answer i am 26 years old and a lot has happend that led to this sisuation, its a long story up until 3 days ago she did not even know that i even existed. she found my post that i posted looking for my father. we are all adults. and i have spoke to her threw e-mails and such. but, its just a long story and was going to write a letter b4 i meet her as they live 1025 miles away. so well, im comfused myself. and yes, she is family ,she married my dad, im his daughter so that offically makes her my step-mom.

I did not mean to sound rude so pleas don't take it that way OK I'm not a mean person and don't like to think that I have offended anyone becaue you always can't type they whole thing out and have to leave some majior parts out. So please do not think I ame being rude because I am not.

teena bell · Jul 19, 2008, 08:20 PM

Originally Posted by hjpan

Meet with the new wife and your father.

Be strong and make sure that you are able to handle the situation.

I am a strong woman , I had no choice in life not to learn how to be at a early age. Thank you for a honest truthful answer, I can not give points or rate you or anything but, points for you!!

hjpan · Jul 19, 2008, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by teena bell

i am a strong woman , i had no choice in life not to learn how to be at a early age. thank you for a honest truthful answer, i can not give points or rate you or anything but, points for you!!!!

Not at all :)

Curlyben · Jul 19, 2008, 10:43 PM

>Moved from Relationships<

Chery · Jul 20, 2008, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by teena bell

well, see i just dont think that teen can answer i am 26 years old and a lot has happend that led to this sisuation, its a long story up until 3 days ago she did not even know that i even existed. she found my post that i posted looking for my father. we are all adults. and i have spoke to her threw e-mails and such. but, its just a long story and was going to write a letter b4 i meet her as they live 1025 miles away. so well, im comfused myself. and yes, she is family ,she married my dad, im his daughter so that offically makes her my step-mom.

Sorry dear, but since you did not state your age, and were not that specific, I assumed that you were a teen. But, since you are older, whether you have a stepmother or not, should make no difference to you because she has no say in how you were raised or how you should lead your life from now on. She is just the woman who married your dad... and you don't have to call her 'mom'.

How you both get along after meeting each other depends on the circumstances and your emotions. If the history weighs on your mind, just don't forget that she is not to blame for you not having a father figure in your impressionable years in life - that's was your father's choice and not her's.

You can rate people, just click on the orange button in the individual's post that says 'rate this answer', then either agree or disagree with them, that simple...

Again, good luck, and just relax a little. Your life's goals and plans will not change because of this other person - and maybe she might even brighten it up a little if you give her a chance.

I'm 57 and have been looking for my father who my mother threw out of her life when I was 2 years old, and not lucky enough to have found him.. so, your chances of peace of mind are better than mine were. My step-dad was super, but he didn't live long enough.

teena bell · Jul 20, 2008, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by Chery

Sorry dear, but since you did not state your age, and were not that specific, I assumed that you were a teen. But, since you are older, whether you have a stepmother or not, should make no difference to you because she has no say in how you were raised or how you should lead your life from now on. She is just the woman who married your dad... and you don't have to call her 'mom'.

How you both get along after meeting each other depends on the circumstances and your emotions. If the history weighs on your mind, just don't forget that she is not to blame for you not having a father figure in your impressionable years in life - that's was your father's choice and not her's.

You can rate people, just click on the orange button in the individual's post that says 'rate this answer', then either agree or disagree with them, that simple...

Again, good luck, and just relax a little. Your life's goals and plans will not change because of this other person - and maybe she might even brighten it up a little if you give her a chance.

I'm 57 and have been looking for my father who my mother threw out of her life when I was 2 years old, and not lucky enough to have found him.. so, your chances of peace of mind are better than mine were. My step-dad was super, but he didn't live long enough.

Sense I posted this she has spoke to me through e-mails and seems like a nice woman. And I'm sorry that I did not post my age I was just very upset at the time, I did not meanto sound rude to you, and things, that's not how I am, I just get all strung out with things like this, I did not have too much of a mom either she cared more about men and beer then she did about me, my life is a story , I have never blmaed my dad 4 not being there for me if you knew my story I think you'd agree. But, anyway, I can't rate yet I don't have enough points or something, I just found this site the day all this happened , neet huh? The only people that he had that were the closet thing to "family" I beged them for just a photo of him and they would not send it to me, I'm not even shure if they were giving him my letters I was writing or not. But, anyway you gave good advice, I just want a good relationship with her because she makes my dad happy,and he loves her and I love my dad. And want things to go good between us but, I'm easy to get along with , I'm just scared above all iguess

Chery · Jul 20, 2008, 03:33 PM

That's OK dear. It's normal to be scared a little. This is a new person in your life and you don't know quite where to place her yet. Just let things happen.

My mother was not the best in the world either and I did not feel any love from her all my life, so I can understand your need to find something special about the woman who makes your dad happy. We all deserve friendship and warmth in our lives and I hope you have a chance to develop that with her.