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indie103 · Jul 18, 2008, 08:30 AM

I have never posted anything on here before. But I am stressed out to my limit about something and I need a little advice and some listening ears. Here's the story. I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months and am (was) convinced that she was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Everything is perfect between us and love her more then anything. At the beginning of the relationship we had the STD discussion and I informed her that I had been recently tested and came back clean and she told me the same. I had no reason not to believe her. Well recently she has been experiencing horrible headaches and is going to the doctor next week to have an exam and check up. They gave her a medical history form to fill out before she went for her appt. well I saw the chart on the bed and picked it up and read it, and found out she has genital herpes and hpv. And was told this in 2006. What do I do? I am both angry about being lied to, and hurt that she didn't trust me enough to discuss this with me. Is this a relationship ending situation? Should I tell her what I found? Or keep it to myself? Confront her and end it? Or should I confront her and forgive her? Can I rationalize that it was too embarrassing for her to tell me this?

Please please please, give me your thoughts and opinions on this. I have no one in my life I feel comfortable enough to talk about this with.. thank you all so much.

starfirefly · Jul 18, 2008, 08:34 AM

You should tell her, if she was lying about that than what else could she be lying about, you need to find out why she lied and make her know what she did was not right and was a rotten, or even dangerous thing to do.
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Sugarmomma · Jul 18, 2008, 08:45 AM

Hello, I feel your girlfrien spirit and she really loves you and did not want to hurt you by telling you the truth. I know she should had been up front with you and she lied but seriouly I don't feel as through she has lied to you about anything else. I really feel in my hurt you need to sit down and talk to her don't give up on this relationship hold on please get back to mme so mi can tell myou more in detail I'm here for you okay. I know you are embrassed but everything will be okay.

liz28 · Jul 18, 2008, 09:10 AM

She might been embrassed and of course she did not tell you on the first date but I think once your became serious she should have told you. Having hpv or herpes is something no one wants but its good to be open with your partner.

I think you should express what you learned about her to her to let her know how you feel and familarize yourself with these conditions.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 18, 2008, 09:34 AM

SO many different facets:

Relationship - if she knew that she was infected, and didn't tell you, and still slept with you (with or without protection... either way, she didn't tell you), an excuse such as "I was embarrassed" isn't going to cover it. In my honest opinion, I suggest bail out. This isn't some "I didn't tell you that I hooked up with your brother before we started dating"... it's "I may have infected you with a disease that will change your life forever"

Law - if she knew that she was infected, didn't tell you, and engaged in sexual intercourse with you, depending on the state laws, she may be committing a crime. Also, there may be certain issues that comes up from you checking her medical history. It may be a patient privacy violation.

Medical - Have you been checked since? If you haven't, I suggest you do.

Romefalls19 · Jul 18, 2008, 09:45 AM

Yep, once you get Genital herpes, its yours prize for life. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't tell me something that could change MY life forever!

Sneezy, you are right, it is against the law to have a STD and not inform the other person about it as it is considered "Intent to injure or do bodily harm"

And yes, get tested

talaniman · Jul 19, 2008, 11:14 AM

You have learned the hard way a very valuable lesson. Leave her alone, get checked, and never repeat that mistake again.

hjpan · Jul 19, 2008, 11:35 AM

It's a crime if she lied to you that she's clean but the reality is she's infected.

I know you are angry and depressed,but the best way is to get rid of her. Chances are that she has a lot hiding from you than being front with the truth.

Bellagrace19 · Jul 19, 2008, 11:46 AM

I think that you should confront her about the situation. After all, it's not like its none of your business, because now you could be infected as well. So, that puts you off in it deep. If in fact she does come at you with some sort of excuse such as, I didn't want to hurt you. How do you know that she want use this to her advantage in the future. Like say, something happened between her and another guy, or something to that effect.. and she wouldn't tell you for fear of "Hurting you."
I agree, at first I can understand her not telling you. But then when the relationship evolved, and you get serious... she should have said look we need to talk.
I personally would have wanted to know up front... the herpes situation is something that would affect you from the git go.
My opinion on the should I be with her, should I not... I can't tell you that. No one can, its what you feel in your heart. We may tell you yea.. get rid of her, or no stick it out.. But you are the only one that knows... Sit down talk with her, you can make a decision together on how to handle the situation..
Good Luck, it's a complicated situation, and I hope all but the best for you.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 19, 2008, 12:24 PM

While I agree that it IS his business, for him to admit that he looked at her medical history chart is a patient privacy violation, and she can press charges on him for doing so.

hjpan · Jul 19, 2008, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

while I agree that it IS his business, for him to admit that he looked at her medical history chart is a patient privacy violation, and she can press charges on him for doing so.

But the real danger is the OP being infected...

Privacy or not, there's no harm... but the herpes... that's definitely harmful

ISneezeFunny · Jul 19, 2008, 02:13 PM

I couldn't agree more... but if his girl decides to press charges on him, the courts won't see it that way.

hjpan · Jul 19, 2008, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I couldn't agree more...but if his girl decides to press charges on him, the courts won't see it that way.

Unless the judge is a dumbfuq and stupid, I hope the court can realize that infected with genital herpes is more deadly than looking at a medical chart..

Sure, the OP's girlfriend can sue him for privacy rights but the OP can sue his girlfriend for FAILURE TO NOTIFY THAT SHE'S INFECTED which has a more serious consequence =]

Either way, I'm supporting the OP if he takes it to court.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 19, 2008, 04:43 PM

Here's the thing. Yes, he can sue her for that, but she can countersue for violating privacy rights. The judge may look kindly upon the idea that he may have gotten infected, but if he didn't get infected, then the law is the law... being "looked on kindly" may not help the privacy concerns.

I suggest he gets checked. If he is infected, then decide from there. If he's not infected, and he takes it to court, good chance they BOTH get serious consequences.

hjpan · Jul 19, 2008, 06:46 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

here's the thing. Yes, he can sue her for that, but she can countersue for violating privacy rights. The judge may look kindly upon the idea that he may have gotten infected, but if he didn't get infected, then the law is the law...being "looked on kindly" may not help the privacy concerns.

I suggest he gets checked. If he is infected, then decide from there. If he's not infected, and he takes it to court, good chance they BOTH get serious consequences.

Yep~