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Rsolo · Apr 2, 2006, 03:06 PM

So last night my girlfriend told me she wants a 1 month separation. We've been dating for 10 months and though we do disagree and have different views of the world we were getting along great. Then about 2 weeks ago she was on my computer and read the message history of an msn friendship I had with a girl that I ended after telling my girlfriend I loved her 3 months into my relationship. My girlfriend felt hurt and upset and nothing has ever been the same since. She was getting angry at me for no reason then we couldn't even talk until two nights ago I told her I needed to talk about us. We ended up breaking up that night.

It went really well though, I saw it coming so I was mentally prepared to remain friends, I mean we got along really well so I didn't want to lose our friendship. I stayed the night and we agreed to have a friends with benefits relationship which she was very receptive too. I thought I was on top of the world, I could get to keep the physical aspect while having no strings attached. Unfortunately the next day she called me and had been crying heavily at work. We went out that night and she suggested a month separation.

I think that she may be trying to either get over me or to get me to appreciate her more. Please help!

CaptainForest · Apr 2, 2006, 03:22 PM

Telling her you love her after dating for only 3 months? You can really tell after only 3 months?

Why was she hurt and upset you ended a friendship with some msn friend? Did you ever ask her?

Rsolo · Apr 2, 2006, 03:32 PM

Well I'm 22 and after about 3 months she told me she loved me, I kind've freaked out a little and didn't say it back (I wasn't ready). Unfortunately she took that really hard and the following week after we took a vacation together I realized that I really love this person and told her that.

The interent friend was an intimate online relationship I had with a girl from another city. We met online playing poker and while we got pretty intense after being with my girlfriend on that vacation I felt all my needs were being met and so I ended the online relationship. That was the message history my girlfriend read and felt very betrayed by.

Now I have nothing to do with the separation it is all her idea and actions. When we slept together on Friday night she told me she still loves me, and told me this several times last night. I told her I still loved her and she could end this separation thing anytime she wants and she gave me a big hug.

Still I'm so confused. Does she still want to be with me? This hurts like hell being so uncertain and powerless over the situation. I still love her but I don't think I can handle a month long separation.

s_cianci · Apr 2, 2006, 06:44 PM

It sounds like you first and foremost need to get to the root of your problems. You say you ended your relationship with this online friend 3 months into your current relationship. You also say you've been together 10 months. That means that your friendship with this other girl has been over for 7 months and your girlfriend's getting angry about that? I think there's more to it than that and the online girlfriend thing is just a red herring. Was she really willing to accept the "friends with benefits" thing? I guess she's never heard the old saying "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" Unfortunately I have to say that "friends with benefits" doesn't say much about your level of commitment to her. Maybe she came to that realization and that's what upset her so much. At this point I'd do some soul searching, Decide whether you want to keep this relationship or end it. Then let her know what you've decided. If you do decide that you want to go on with it then encourage her to say what's been bothering her about your relationship and be prepared to address her concerns. I can't believe it's just an online friendship that ended 7 months ago.

fredg · Apr 3, 2006, 03:57 AM

Hi,
At 22 yrs old, I had lost my high school sweetheart; which after college, thought we would be married... she found someone else. I had known her for maybe 6 or 7 yrs.
Your relationship with this girl is not really that old; not really enough time to know what you want, and what she wants.
Let her have some time "off", don't call or communicate with her. You might get the relationship to work later, but for now, it doesn't look good.
When one says "I'm in love", time doesn't matter, if it's really "love". Some married partners have to separate for a year at a time, some in the Military, and after it's over, they are very happy to get back together.
So, what amount of time is a month?? 30 days.
Give it a "break", hang in there, see what happens.

blueiman · Apr 3, 2006, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by Rsolo

I think that she may be trying to either get over me or to get me to appreciate her more. Please help!

From my experience, she maybe breaking it off for a few reasons. One, she may want to see other people to make a decision if she want to be with you or not. I'm sure she would feel bad if you where together and she went out on a date. Second, she just simply wants to take more time to think about the relationship. Give her space and let her call you and give her what she asks for. Last, she found someone else and she is trying to let you down easy. Try not to worry about it. She broke it off with you. Let her go and do what she needs/wants to without your interference.
If you and her decide to continue a monogumose relationship then fine. Make sure you can handle the rejection if she wants to stop and move on.
All you can do is let her decide on what she wants. Again, leave her alone and let her know you don't like it but will be available. But, when she is ready to be with you and its not to late (because you met someone else) then get back together slowly. Good luck.

blueiman · Apr 3, 2006, 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by Rsolo

Still i'm so confused. Does she still want to be with me? This hurts like hell being so uncertain and powerless over the situation. I still love her but i don't think i can handle a month long seperation.

Confused? Women are a strange animal. Try not to understand them and think about some of the crap they do. Focus on being a fun guy. Show her you are confident that she will want you some time. She will like you more if you stand up like a man. You're not powerless you have other women you can meet. Go have fun and try not to think about her for a month. One month is not that long. My girlfriend and I took a break for 3 months. I let her go but stayed in touch. She came back to me because I showed her confidence that I wanted us to be together. So, you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain back. Good luck.

snow patroll · Jan 26, 2008, 08:33 AM

Let it wait man.. she's obviously hurt, and possiablly confused..
Tell her you respect any decision she makes, don't get all mushy and smother her
And within a week or so, she will realise whether your really the guy for her..

... Adios

insuthan · Oct 16, 2010, 06:32 PM

If you are upsetting her, she basically needs you near her - as a friend, as a lover/ dating dude. Be with her - try to understand what she is saying, then think about what you are doing, = Connect both of yours - you will find your answer :) good luck...

Its really hard - when one's heart is broken, you can make it stable and take a break.

basically she might have thought you are playing with her, sine you are talking to the other girl on msn or what ever before.. you guys just need a time to talk out nice.. take her out - take her alone some wheree. Ask her how she feels, what she thinks she wants, what is uppseting her ( last question) then you think what you are doing, try to stablize it ( IF YOU REALLY Want to TAKE A BREAK)

if you and her are talking OK, then 1 month break won't be in the middle.