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993099142 · Jul 17, 2008, 09:33 AM

He initiated contact. We started holding hands and cuddling, and then he'd put his arm on my breasts and I would caress it... but he is not physically, emotionally or mentally attracted to me. I think he is just lonely. When I met him 3 years ago, he told me he had been rejected by 300 girls because he always stutters when he's attracted to a girl. I told him I liked him back then, he only made one attempt to ask me out 3 weeks after I said I was attracted to him, got offended by something I did, and never pursued anything further. What manuevars could I use to go from being a friend that he cuddles with to a girlfriend that he loves? He says he's not my boyfriend, but he tried to touch my breasts one time... Please tell me something I haven't thought of on my own.

plonak · Jul 17, 2008, 09:45 AM

OK so you said it yourself.. he isn't attracted to you physically, emotionally or mentally... so why are you pursuing him? Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't like anything about you? What a confidence killer!

Girl, you should have more respect for yourself.. you need to stop wasting your time with this guy and find someone who will appreciate you for you..

As for the breast touching.. hon, I think the guy is just using you for his sexual needs.. this is so not healthly for you...

Work on yourself, be happy with who you are and you'll find the right person for you when you least expect it..

HistorianChick · Jul 17, 2008, 10:45 AM

First of all, sweetie, no guy should feel comfortable touching your chest without your consent. Ever. He shouldn't have assumed that you'd be OK with it... that's not a friend, that's someone who wants friends with benefits and no commitment.

I've seen a couple of your posts about this guy and you're right, he doesn't seem to want to establish a committed relationship with you at this time. I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself what you'd tell your best girl friend if she were in the same situation. If a guy, who was her friend "and nothing else" by his own admission, tried to feel up your friend, how would you react? Would you tell her that she needs to start to respect herself more and not let this guy touch her?

That's what I'm telling you. As a lady, I never let a guy touch my chest unless we had established a committed relationship. That's personal space. He needs to respect your personal space, or make a commitment to you to be something more than a friend-with-benefits.

You deserve more. Much more. Don't want to make him chase you... be happy with yourself and who you are... and guys will be impressed. Don't worry about impressing them, impress yourself. :)

liz28 · Jul 17, 2008, 01:28 PM

Is this the same guy you want to introduce as your new boyfriend to your cousin?

993099142 · Jul 17, 2008, 04:34 PM

Yeah it's the same guy and she knows he's not my boyfriend. I think it's a good way of impressing him. I want him to meet her because she went to Harvard.

ylaira · Jul 17, 2008, 04:57 PM

I can't tell you any maneuvers to use to turn his feelings from friendship to BF/GF thing. You can be extra nice but never let yourself be taken advantage. Leave a self respect. Anyway, if he had sex with you its not an assurance he'll develop some feelings right after. Save yourself from heartache. ITS BETTER TO BE UNATTACHED THAN BE USED.

You're from Harvard so I assume you are a bright person to know this.

talaniman · Jul 17, 2008, 07:31 PM

Edited link.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2987146

Maybe talking to an older female you trust, would answer all your questions. He likes playing with your body, and that's as far as it goes, so the best thing to do is stop all that cuddling, holding hands, and letting him feel on you, and find a healthier person to give your interest too.

993099142 · Jul 18, 2008, 06:08 AM

Hey talaniman, the link that you gave me didn't work. He's a devout christian so I trusted that he would never try to hurt my feelings or anything like that.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2008, 06:58 AM

I have been having trouble with the links, but actually it was to all your posts.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2008, 07:03 AM

Originally Posted by 993099142

He's a devout christian so I trusted that he would never try to hurt my feelings or anything like that.

That's a dangerous assumption to make, as his actions don't match his words do they?

993099142 · Jul 18, 2008, 07:19 AM

I came to this conclusion over slowly... It would take too long to type. I know he has a very strong faith in God but he did look at porn when I met him 3 years ago. However, he had been rejected by 300 girls because he stuttered every time he saw a pretty girl, I thought that after he had recovered from having no self esteem, that those sexual urges would disappear since he no longer needed to look to sex for validation. I'm starting to wander if this is a lost cause as that's what everyone's been telling me. No one really answered my question... The only response I got was "have sex with him if you want a relationship"

talaniman · Jul 18, 2008, 07:28 AM

I can only suggest you go back, and reread your responses to all your "relationship" posts, as you have been given some great advice, and may I further submit to you, that its you who are making this leech out to be more than he is.

Assumptions are dangerous, in light of the facts, and his actions. For whatever reasons its your actions that need to be examined by you, and a few changes made. Dumping him at the TOP of the list.

liz28 · Jul 18, 2008, 07:36 AM

This guy already told you he's not atrracted to you physcially nor mentally and don't want to be your boyfriend. If he trying to touch you in areas he should not be he might be trying to have sex with you or touching for his own entertainment since no other girl wants him.

You seem to want this guy more than a friend because other post you ask about marriage between your two. You seem to be having some obbessive feelings toward this guy and you can't make guy chase you who don't want to chase you, no matter what you do. You need to work on yourself to stop this behavior and seek help if needed.

N0help4u · Jul 18, 2008, 07:37 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...im-238454.html

I agree with Talaniman reread everything.
He sounds like he went through 300 rejections so he is just accepting trying with you even though he isn't attracted to you.
I have heard desperate guys make comments like "At this point I would put up with Broom Hilda!" You don't want to be that type of choice do you?

Trust me allowing him to touch your breasts or more is NOT going to make him fall in love with you. When my marriage was falling apart because my ex's priorities were in partying and his friends I thought if I give him sex it would 'fix' things but trust me it does not fix anything, it doesn't make anything work out better or anything. So don't go there.

tolerance · Jul 18, 2008, 11:08 AM

I agree with liz about your being obessive over this guys. Like tal stated for you to reread your posts, I did it and read all what you stated about this guy.

You seem to be in denial because in one post he's your boyfriend, in another he's not. Your trying to see what future your have together based on astrology. I believe your in your early 20's and this behavior is not go mentally for you. I think you should seek help and live in reality. This guy if anything wants to feel on you and I can't even say he's stringing you along because he warn you before hand how he feels about you. I hope you wanting to lose weiht have nothing to do with him but you want to do it for yourself.