[cheer_4_life]

Ok so I have a this friend... and she is my best friend. We have been friends for 15 years. We are pretty much sisters and love each lover like sisters would. But she is prettier than me and has always had the luck with guys that I have never had. We used to tell each other everything and we were real close. About a year ago one of her boyfriends broke up with her and so she cut her wrists and took meds and overdosed. She was in the hospital for a while. A couple months later she told me that it was all my fault for the overdose. I consider myself a good friend espically to her, she has made wrong decisions and can be rude and inconsiterate a lot. I have never put her down, discouraged her, or hurt her as a best friend. If anything over these 15 almost 16, years she has hurt me. We made promises not to have sex until we were married, we made those promises to each other. She recently got mad at me when I went to the beach with another friend instead of her. She has her ways to be controlling and hateful and very self centered. I have considered myself to have always been in her shadows. She went to the beach and found some guy and had sex with him. It didn't surprise me but I was extremely disappointed. She talks to him and I don't like him too much, but I have my reasons. She treats me like dirt when she is talking to him, or anyone else. She gets angry because I have other friends and she has had to switch schools because she lost all her friends because of the way she treated them. I just don't know what to do about the situation. People tell me to stop being friends with her but you can't just leave a friend you have had for 15 years. ANY ADVICE??

[starfirefly]

Try taking a break from her, if she is treating you like garbage, she's not much of a friend and you need to let her know its not OK for her to treat you that way, its hard but just walk away, and when she realizes she's losing her best friend she's may change

[erin7799]

I have a person in my life who I've been friends with for 22 years. In our case she used to get mad at me because I was the pretty one. I was the one the guys wanted to talk to. And I never ever made her feel like less of a person. I often did things like dress down or not wear makeup so she would feel better. Why did I waste so much of my time and energy trying to make someone feel better about themselves when she hated me so much? I stuck up for her all throughout school and even outside of school. I would confront people when they'd make fun of her. She was jealous and I wasn't allowed to have any other friends. I had to talk to only the guys that she wanted me to talk to. I did this foolishly because she was my friend and I wanted her to feel comfortable around me. She told me one time that she was so jealous over the fact that I was pretty. She resented me for it. How did that make me feel? She resented me over the way that I looked! I would NEVER tell her that I didn't like the way she looked. How hurtful whether someone is calling you pretty, ugly, too fat or too skinny. She started sleeping with married men, other peoples boyfriends... including MINE. I forgave her, or so I thought. Over the years all of the cheating, lying and backstabbing came to a head when we were supposed to go to a xmas party. Me being a new mom hadn't gotten the chance to go out in over a year! And my BEST FRIEND didn't show up. I was dressed and ready to go and she left me sit. And I haven't spoken to her since. And you know something? My life is so stress free! Try it... You might like it. You may realize like I did that the years you've known each other and all of the little secrets you know about each other is the real reason you keep her around. Because you're "used to" each other. And that your friendship really isn't a friendship when it's making you feel bad and bringing you down. Ecspecially when they aren't willing to change. Toxic Friends. So bad for you.

[JBeaucaire]

If you're going to stay near her, you need a mantra, a standard phrase or group of phrases you rely on to fend off her inappropriatenesses. In fact, you'll need them a LOT. Things like:

"I love you, but taking blame for your choices/actions...I don't do that anymore."
"I know you think that's true, but it's not. No problem, I'm not offended by your misconceptions anymore. I'm just going to stay and be your friend."
"You do what you want with your life, I respect your right to do so, but you get the responsibility, too."

Overall, as harsh as it will feel to her, you MUST learn to chuckle off her controlling comments and actions. You MUST. Even if she threatens or does hurt herself. It's completely in her hands (no pun intended).

You don't run her life, you don't control her, so you don't accept her crap aimed at you over the dumb things she does. You just don't. AND, you don't waste too much trying to defend yourself against it, just tell her "uh-uh, not gonna take that" and shrug it off.

Meanwhile, my actual recommendation is that you DO walk away from this friend of 15 years. She's changed into someone who isn't your friend, not really. Honor that change too, and leave her alone to live her choices.

[soccerchick28]

What you should do is confront her, telling her how she treats you like trash and how it makes you feel. Tell her how it would be a shame to throw away those fifteen years. But if she keeps doing what she is doing, that is what is going to happen.

[Rockstar714]

Even pretty girls have low self esteem and she's acting on those feelings trying to make herself feel better. By her sleeping around and blaming YOU for her problems she is trying to make herself feel better.

I've had 2 friends like this. One of them sounds exactly like your friend. She was always the one that guys wanted to talk to, and even if I was dating someone the guy would be like "oh, your friend is really cute, think I have a shot?" and she would always call me stupid and say mean things (she'd act like she was joking, but I knew that those were her thoughts about me). We had a falling out in high school because I had my license first and she had gotten hers about 6 months later, but she still wanted me to drive her everywhere. Finally I said no because I had a job and wasn't going to spend all my money on gas to drive her around. She even got a speeding ticket leaving my house (after dropping me off one of the few times she drove) and told me I had to pay for it because it was my fault. So I told her (and the rest of the girls) "Ya know, I don't mind being friends with you because we've been friends for awhile, but you can't treat me like this. I didn't do anything to you" but they didn't take that so it was a big fight and she turned most my friends against me, but the stress that was relieved was amazing and I made new friends. We became friends after high school and college again, but once she got into her old ways I put a stop to it. She was into drinking heavily and even left me at a football game because she was so drunk. I had to have my mom come get me an hour away.

Bottom line, this girl isn't a true friend if she's saying and doing all this stuff to you and making you feel this way. It may hurt to let her go, but in the long run you'll be so glad that you did.

[Princess-IMYM]

I was friends with this one girl for 4 years, and we thought we'd be friends forever, but she always got jealous whenever I talked to my friends and even threatened some of them! Everyone always told me I was pretty and lovely, and gave her grief for the way she looked, but I never did. I tried many times to talk to her but she took it as an insult and blamed our friendship failing on me, she lied about stupid things and made everything my fault, and instead of just gradually becoming distant, my liking her has turned to pure, unwavered hatred, I'd hate for you to feel the same way, try not speaking to her for a bit, if she cares, she will come to you, if not she will be angry for a while, but probably not for long if she doesn't value your friendship as much as she should.

[Iliveforsoccer]

Just talk to her and tell her how you feel.