[ranger9797]

(apologies in advance for the length)

I tried the whole keep in touch with your ex thing, but it just wasn't working out for me. I didn't really contact her too much, but she would contact me and I guess it was slowing me down from moving on. I was never sure what she really wanted, I'd hear from other people she still likes me, but never took it as anything.
So, not knowing what to do, I'm sorry if this was kind of harsh, I decided I'd start to ignore her messages.
What came about wasn't what I was anticipating. I figured she would contact me a few times... get the hint, and move on. But the week that followed where I started to ignore her, I received 4 emails, a phone call and a text message from her, wanting to know 'what I was up to' saying things like 'i miss talking to you', etc.
This made me scratch my head a bit and didn't know what to make of it, but I just continued what I was doing. About a week later she happens to just come and 'visit' my college, and not expecting her to be there.. I tried to just keep it friendly and whatnot, and she was saying things like 'you should come and visit me'.. stuff like that.
After about another week, she calls me again, this time I completely just gave up on my plan of ignoring her... it didn't seem to be working.. and we ended up talking for 3 1/2 hours, kind of like the typical convos we had when we were still going out... later that week she emailed me twice with the same 'come and visit me' thing.

This whole thing has got me confused, and I wanted to ask (especially the ladies on this forum) is this typical ex girlfriend behavior? (note she broke up with me) I don't like the feeling of being sent mixed signals (if that's what it is)... but maybe this is just normal.
I'm in no way hinging on her to come back or something... but this has just perplexed me.

And my second question, what's the best way to tell someone you just don't want to be friends with them... at least for the time being?

[kp2171]

Want a way to drive an ex crazy (guy or gal)? Ignore them.

Her intentions and feelings, at best, are mixed up. I'm sure even if it didn't work out that there are things that were good in the relationship and she might be seeing those a little clearer now.

As for the second question, I'd just be straight up with her. Be nice, don't get angry, but let her know she broke this off and you'd like to move on.

She'd expect you to honor her space if she didn't want to be with you.

[s_cianci]

She may have broken up with you but may not like the fact that you got over her and are moving on with your life. You can hang out with her and have fun with her occasionally if you want but don't count on anything too serious coming from all of this. She broke up with you for a reason and she certainly isn't going to admit that she now has regrets about it. Just do what you've been doing and continue to move on with your life. Like I said, if you want to see her, do so at your own conveinience but keep it light.

[Myth]

Ok blunt question... the whole hang out part of this sounds like a ploy to me. Did you guys have sex? Were you "hanging out" at the time? Just curious. It sounds like maybe she doesn't want a relationship, but a bootie call from time to time... I honestly don't know if that's a possibility with her or not. A lot of my guy friends have had the same thing happen with their ex's. I hate to admit it but I've done the same thing to mine when neither of us was attached. It a comfort thing I think... along with a sexual need. I could be waaaayyyy off here so don't take it like that's what she's doing... It's just one possibility though

[ranger9797]

Thanks for the feeback so far;


kp2171 - I'm definitely going to be straight up with her, as honest as possible, and not mean. Ill let you know how it goes when she contacts me again. I'd love to ask her 'why' to just about everything she's doing, but I'm sure she wouldn't give me any type of honest response.

s_cianci - as much as I know she would love to hang out and stay friends, and as much as we have in common to be friends, I just don't see it working, esp when either one of us finds a new relationship. And if it's the case that she has regrets, then your right, because she definitely would never admit something like that.

Myth - that thought crossed my mind initially, it could be true.. could not be, I'm really not sure... but it doesn't really fit her personality. Plus she only started asking me to come and visit after I began ignoring her... I think its just her way of saying she misses me? (in some deluded way of course)
But if it is the case, I sure as heck don't want that, it might work for some people but just sounds like a bad situation to me.

[fredg]

Hi, Ranger,
I am 64 yrs old, married for 29 yrs now to a wonderful woman (1st marriage ended in Divorce after 7 yrs).
I could never be "just friends" with the girl I was in love with, at age 20. Thought we would eventually be married... knew her from about 16 yrs old. We both went our separate ways to college, and after a year, she found someone else. I was really in love with her, and the thought of just being friends was not going to happen!
Some can be "friends", but I couldn't handle it. Finally told her, after she was married, that our "friendship" isn't going to work out. That ended it.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[phillysteakandcheese]

I get the impression that your heart is telling you to "chase" her, but your brain is telling you "hands off".

I think your brain is right. She's toying with you for some reason, so just tell her you really need to keep your distance because of the history you two have.

[Geckobellie]

Don't you all think that if someone breaks it off with you and then wants to be friends there is some hidden agenda? I agree with some of the posts how can you be in love with someone and make love to someone and be reduced to a friend? I could never sit and be a friend to someone who has made love to me and rejected me and then watch them carry on with someone else. To me, it is disrespectful. They broke it off--okay, now you want to be my friend-It's like getting a demotion at work. My Ex broke it off with me and then said she wanted to make amends, I said "NO" and then she called me yet again.
I then agreed to meet her to hear the amends and she cancelled. I then sent her an e-mail telling her in short to leave me alone she had hurt my heart. She, agreed and then texts me at a Holiday. They EX expects us to understand them when they dump us. How about they understand us when we say "leave me alone". SELFISH-these people have hidden no good agendas to hold us back from real love and they are not friends to keep dragging up memories that are dead I guess to them-cause they dumped us and yet
Don't much care how they hurt us who did love them sincerely.. I don't get it??
My Ex even called me abusive. Which, I am most certainly NOT. Well, if you think I am abusive then stop contacting me-I would'nt want to talk to someone I think abused me?
She is on Facebook now and got a cat like I HAVE. Moved into her own apartment LIKE I HAVE.. Seems like a competition, more than a friendship? Any thoughts on my crazy EX...

[odilians10]

Sorry to say, but most exes like geckobellie said are selfish, I've been guilty of that, she really don't want to get back in the relationship but loves the idea that you still have them wrapped around your finger and call them when ever you feel like and they would answer. The best thing for you to do is just cut it off becos she will keep doing what she does as long as you allow her from personal experience... so think wisely

[neverme]

The girl is probably confused and scared. It is typical behaviour, I think. She could be feeling any number of things, e.g.

Some guilt for breaking up with you and thinks she'll save you some hurt by being friends with you

She's second guessing her decision to break up with you

Maybe she's just selfish

Maybe she thought she'd get a different reaction...

Who knows and... who cares?

Do what's good for you, it's not helping you to be friends with her at the moment. People have to remember that in order to be friends with an ex they have to stop being an ex in your head and start being a friend. This can only be done if your given time to get over the relationship seperately!

So just tell her that at the moment you can't be friends with her. That you need to sort your head out and hopefully (IF this is how you feel, if not DO NOT say this as it will only breed more problems in the future) at some time in the future we can be friends.

Helpful?

[SAB123]

Ranger, This sound just like my ex, When she broke up with me the first time I was devisstaed. I did leave her alone, I did not contact her at all. After a while she did start to contact me (she wanted to be friends). I was upfront with her and said leave me alone. She asked why and I told her I need time to get over you. So I would be up front with her. And be carfull it sounds like she want to keep you on the back burner and string you along if she can't find anyone. I look back know and realized I should have never answered her phone calls or waved back when she drove past my house after she broke up with me the 5 other time. It's been 2 years now since she broke up again I and relize she was stringing me along and playing mind games with me. So I would move on with out her and maybe one day when you are healed you can be friends. By then you won't care and won't want to be friends with her.

[ImTotallyLost]

This is what of happened to me, in a way. While we were talking at most once a week, I was OK with that. Than she increased the frequency to a point it disturbed me. I just called her to say it wasn't working. It's been one week already and I feel it's much better this way.

[Romefalls19]

I dated a girl for 2 and a half years, she ended it saying I was too jealous and possessive and later found out it was because of another guy. After I found that out, I was angry at myself because of how I let her play me for a fool. So after that happened, I went NC, I still remember the day, January 11th 2008. We worked together, I went 5 months without saying a word to her at work. She would ask my friends how I was and if I was doing OK. Sure I could have called her up and asked her what she was so curious about, but I didn't. I stayed on track, and didn't skip a beat. Finally she broke the silence in June, she found out I was dating someone and had been for 3-4 months and she wanted to "tell me stuff" and that's when she wondered if I thought about giving it another try and if it would work. I told her "you should have been here months ago with open arms and honest face" We talk occasionally but its usually short and rarely of any importance and NEVER started by me. Last text was her asking if the engagement ring I gave to my fiancé was meant for her.

STAY AWAY FROM THE FRIENDS UNTIL YOU HEAL

[SAB123]

STAY AWAY FROM THE FRIENDS UNTIL YOU HEAL

Agree, This will only keep you confused and give you false hope. Move on and find yourself without her.