Nowhere to have sex

layla87 · Jul 13, 2008, 08:39 AM

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 4 years, since we were 16, and have an active sex life. The only problem is we don't have anywhere to have sex! We both live with our respective parents, as we are both at college and cannot afford to move out at least for the next year or so. Both our parents are quite strict and even though they probably know we are having sex they would go mad if they walked in on us. We generally have sex in his kitchen, but we are both listening out for his parents in case they come in, which means that sex can be really fast and we end up having to do a lot of standing up positions which isn't that romantic or fulfilling. We do have sex outdoors, which can be thrilling at first but after a while it gets very unconfortable. We have both become very frustrated with this, and we do love each other very much and want to make this work. We have had sex on his bed while his parents were on holiday, but these chances are few and far between. What can we do?!

N0help4u · Jul 13, 2008, 08:46 AM

Not sure if this will help in your situation but if you have a car and income
Instead of spending money on little dates save up some money and go to a hotel/motel every now and then
Or go camping for a weekend. A small tent isn't all that expensive and you can most likely find some really nice camping places within an hour or so drive.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 13, 2008, 09:08 AM

You're both in college, and there's no place to have sex?

What about the dorm?

layla87 · Jul 13, 2008, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

you're both in college, and there's no place to have sex?

what about the dorm?

We both live at home, we don't live on campus.

Choux · Jul 13, 2008, 09:44 AM

Sounds like you want to have sex lying down and have plenty of time.

Probably have to get a job, waiting tables is good, and rent a hotel or motel room.

Also, you can pay an acquaintance to use his college dorm or off_campus housing room.

layla87 · Jul 13, 2008, 10:17 AM

Thanks, I don't know why I didn't think of that before. Well give that a shot. :)

Fr_Chuck · Jul 13, 2008, 11:17 AM

Sounds so romantic, sex in the kitchen listening for mom to walk in.
*** don't invite me over for lunch, I do hope they wash the table off.

What ever happened to the back seat of the car like the days when we were young/

KISS · Jul 13, 2008, 12:44 PM

No Drive-in movie theaters. Actually there is one about 50 miles from me.

N0help4u · Jul 13, 2008, 02:53 PM

My drive-in is about 3 miles west and another one about 5 miles east :D

Bootsie116 · Jul 13, 2008, 05:03 PM

If you had a car you could go on dates:D :D :D :D

blackblue · Jul 13, 2008, 05:28 PM

It's disgusting to have sex if someone else's kitchen! Egh.. glad I don't live there lol!

Do you have a lock on your door? If not get one.Invite him over when your parents are not home turn the music on and go at it!

smoothy · Jul 14, 2008, 06:24 AM

Keep your clothes on until you can afford your own place. If you aren't in a position to do that then how can you cope with a pregnancy if that happens.

Love has nothing to do with uncontrollable urges to have sex. That's lust and hormones which are totally unrelated.

pushycookie · Jul 15, 2008, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Keep your clothes on until you can afford your own place. If you aren't in a position to do that then how can you cope with a pregnacy if that happens.

Love has nothing to do with uncontrollable urges to have sex. Thats lust and hormones which are totally unrelated.

Ok let's be realistic. They're 20 years old. Everyone is always all "blahblah, sex is bad, blahblah" but here in the real world, sex is a natural, healthy thing. You say that love and lust are totally unrelated but that's a total load of bollux if I've heard one. Especially at 20. If you're "in love" with someone but have no sex drive, then there's probably something wrong.

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2008, 11:49 AM

But on the other hand if it is all lust and no love then there are problems down the road when the lust wears off and all they have left is somebody they do not want to be with because they mistook lust for love.
BUT that is only something THEY can answer. We are not in their shoes/OR their kitchen table :D

smoothy · Jul 15, 2008, 11:55 AM

Originally Posted by pushycookie

Ok let's be realistic. They're 20 years old. Everyone is always all "blahblah, sex is bad, blahblah" but here in the real world, sex is a natural, healthy thing. You say that love and lust are totally unrelated but that's a total load of bollux if I've heard one. Especially at 20. If you're "in love" with someone but have no sex drive, then there's probably something wrong.

Really... I'd love to knock the bottom out of every good looking woman I see... and I see a lot. Does that equal love? Not hardly, that's hormones.

I've been married for 17 years... I love my wife. But my life doesn't revolve in having sex every waking hour with her. Why, Love does not automatically = having sex. Yes I do have sex almost every day. But I have a job and I own my own house. I don't mooch off my parents.

Anyone that thinks it does isn't emotionally mature yet.

They are 20 and don't have full time jobs obviously because they both are still leeching off their parents. At 20 you should be working or in college. Otherwise keep your pants on.

Look at it this way. They have sex in the car (do they even have a car or do they use their parents car too), she gets pregnant... who is going to pay for this if they can't even rent their own place. And yes that happens every day.

Want a ticket into lifelong poverty... have a kid (or kids) before you even have a job.

pushycookie · Jul 15, 2008, 11:56 AM

You have a good point, however, even if it is just lust, they are still entitled to have sex. She herself stated that they love each other very much and want to make it work. And you're going under the assumption that sex = lust. However it does not. Sex can either be lust, or one's way of showing someone how much you care. It's the ultimate communication of love, and to be deprived of that can be frustrating in the least. The solution then, is not to "keep your clothes on," but to find a way around it so that you can express yourself.

EDIT: She state that they're living with they're parents, but that they're in college- don't assume they're "leeching off their parents." Why are you assuming that she's going to get pregnant? For all you know, she could be packed full of contraceptives. They're healthy young 20 year olds who have been together for four years. Telling them to keep it in their pants until they're done with college, have a job and are moved out is really kind of absurd. And yes, on many occasions people engage in sexual intercourse strictly out of lust, but why does this have to be one of those cases? Your argument is based on assumptions and therefore faulty.

smoothy · Jul 15, 2008, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by pushycookie

You have a good point, however, even if it is just lust, they are still entitled to have sex. She herself stated that they love each other very much and want to make it work. And you're going under the assumption that sex = lust. However it does not. Sex can either be lust, or one's way of showing someone how much you care. It's the ultimate communication of love, and to be deprived of that can be frustrating in the least. The solution then, is not to "keep your clothes on," but to find a way around it so that you can express yourself.

EDIT: She state that they're living with they're parents, but that they're in college- don't assume they're "leeching off their parents." Why are you assuming that she's going to get pregnant? For all you know, she could be packed full of contraceptives. They're healthy young 20 year olds who have been together for four years. Telling them to keep it in their pants until they're done with college, have a job and are moved out is really kind of absurd.

That's another problem... they are not entitled to anything. They aren't supporting themselves yet. If they were it would be different. There is this entitlement mentality of young people that ticks me off sometimes. You are entitled to have a CHANCE to pursuit of life and liberty... you are not entitled to do so on someone else's dime.

If they are in ciollege they still aren't supporting themselves. Few kids bear the full cost of college on their own. Most are living it up at the expense of their parents life savings.

I stand by my comment until they have jobs and have their own place and are self supporting they are not entitled to anything of the sort.

Anyone that has sex does so with the knowledge she CAN get pregnant. Unless one of them is sterile it can happen, The Pill is 99% effective. What does that mean? Have unprotected sex during her fertile period time and 1 out of 100 women are going to get pregnant statistically... condoms are less effective. That's not insignificant odds. Only idiots and children ignore the risks before they act.

Want to end a college stint real quick... get pregnant. Life happens. So do children. College and kids take up far more hours in a day than exist.

pushycookie · Jul 15, 2008, 12:13 PM

Oh I get it now, having money makes one entitled to have sex. Foolish me. I forgot the prerequisites to sexual activity.

Let's reverse the roles. There are situations in which the parents can no longer afford to support themselves, so one of their children takes them in. Oh well gosh, they're not supporting themselves so I guess that means they can't have sex. But I suppose you would say that's a different situation.

Why should one's ability (or lack thereof) to engage in sexual intercourse be related in any way to his financial status or with whom he lives?

And of course there's always a possibility of pregnancy, but if one takes the proper course of action to avoid it, that chance is low. She didn't say, "o hai my boifrend and me want to hav lyke unprotected stupid sex theres no where 2 do it lolololol helpz?" You're acting as though all young people are mumbling imbeciles. There's also a chance that one will get hit by a car while crossing the street. Well then! Until you can afford the hospital bills that would ensue, the obvious solution is just not to leave the house.

smoothy · Jul 15, 2008, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by pushycookie

Oh I get it now, having money makes one entitled to have sex. Foolish me. I forgot the prerequisites to sexual activity.

Let's reverse the roles. There are situations in which the parents can no longer afford to support themselves, so one of their children takes them in. Oh well gosh, they're not supporting themselves so I guess that means they can't have sex. But I suppose you would say that's a different situation.

Why should one's ability (or lack thereof) to engage in sexual intercourse be related in any way to his financial status or with whom he lives?

And of course there's always a possibility of pregnancy, but if one takes the proper course of action to avoid it, that chance is low. She didn't say, "o hai my boifrend and me want to hav lyke unprotected stupid sex theres no where 2 do it lolololol helpz?" You're acting as though all young people are mumbling imbeciles. There's also a chance that one will get hit by a car while crossing the street. Well then! Until you can afford the hospital bills that would ensue, the obvious solution is just not to leave the house.

Having money has nothing to do with it... being responsible does. And they are not yet supporting themselves thus are not responsible enough to be doing this.

When they pay their own way, and thus pay for their mistakes then by all means.

I see a welfare mentality here... like they are entitled to have as many kids as they want and its everyone else that has to support them or we are being unfair to them if we suggest they get off their butt and work to support them.

I have to work for every single thing I have... until they do the same they have no entitlements.

They are entitled to have a Porsche if they work to pay for it...

They are entitled to a Beverly Hills Mansion if they work to pay for it...

I don't see a right to have sex when and where they want anywhere in the Bill of Rights... Perhaps if they point out where it is because I missed it.

Until they grasp the responsibility that comes with having sex and its repercussions then they aren't ready for it.

pushycookie · Jul 15, 2008, 12:35 PM

You're all about the assumptions, aren't you? She's not saying she wants to have kids. She's not saying she wants to get pregnant and then dump the consequences on their parents. She's asking for a solution to her problem of a lack of a place to have sex.

Lord knows hardly anyone can afford college anymore, so I think that by staying at home and attending college rather than running up the cost by insisting on living on-campus, she is being responsible. They're in college and that costs a pretty penny. Only the filthy rich can afford to pay for college and not have it put a lovely dent in the bank account.

Why do you assume that she's not willing to accept the responsibility? I'm sure she's well aware of the risks that come with having sex.

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