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    drdradle's Avatar
    drdradle Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jul 9, 2008, 08:32 AM
    I feel like I need her back
    I just feel as though I need her back in my life. My girlfriend just boke up with me about 2 weeks ago and I feel horrable. I'v known her since elementary school, but I never really started talking to her till middle school. By high school we started to date and it was going great until recently, you see, my parents wernt too fond of her parents and they started to feud a lot, eventually they just stopped talking altogether. They wernt always like that though, they use to be pretty good friends, well my now ex broke up with me because of the feud. She said she feels like because of it she won't be able to be with me because she doesn't want to be hated her whole life, which I can understand, but I feel like I'm losing the love of my life because of it. I'v been trying to fix the fight with my parents telling them to just call and try to work something out. I just need some help, I feel depressed, I still love her more than anything. Something like this shouldn't happen because of a stupid feud. I want her back and I can't help but think of her all the time now, please help me.
    happy_jester's Avatar
    happy_jester Posts: 170, Reputation: 29
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    #2

    Jul 9, 2008, 09:09 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by drdradle
    You see, my parents wernt too fond of her parents and they started to feud a lot, eventually they just stopped talking altogether. They wernt always like that though, they use to be pretty good friends
    Firstly,allow me to say,that,I'm really sorry to hear that your ex had to break up with
    You :(

    It really is sad that,because of a rift with both sets of parents,that you then have
    To stop seeing "the love of your life" :( Do you know what caused the rift?

    She said she feels like because of it she won't be able to be with me because she doesn't want to be hated her whole life,
    Your ex really sounds like a VERY good friend to have. She respects the wishes
    Of BOTH sets of parents. :)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,318, Reputation: 10854
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    #3

    Jul 9, 2008, 09:17 AM
    I think she cares, but not enough to buck all the conflicts, and that's sad, but you must let it go. Life does go, on and so must you. She is still your friend and who knows down the road, but for now, it can't happen.
    drdradle's Avatar
    drdradle Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Oct 17, 2008, 11:08 PM
    Dose she still think of me
    Hey, I was just wandering, me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 4 months ago and I have talked to her a few times since we broke up but it hasn't been too much, we went out for about a year and a half and to be honest I still think of her all the time. I was just wandering if anyone would have any idea if she still thinks about me at all, I would like to get back together with her too but I am not sure how to do it exactly. I am just worried that it could be too late to do anything to rekindle our relationship. Any help at all would be much appreciated.
    Objet trouves's Avatar
    Objet trouves Posts: 10, Reputation: 3
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    #5

    Oct 17, 2008, 11:25 PM

    It is hard when your partner sees things differently to you and ends the relationship. It sounds like for her things are over, and for you they aren't. My advice is to:
    - Focus on her reasons for breaking up with you: did she explain why she broke up with you? If not, it may be wise to ask for the lines of communication to open up just for the purposes of giving you the answers that you need.
    - Think honestly about the reasons: Are these things that you want to/ would compromise on/ be happy changing and keeping different for the long term?
    - If, in light of her reasons, and your willingness to change you do want to try things again, tell your ex girlfriend- perhaps sending a letter or email would be better than over the phone- why you think that it could work if you tried again
    - If you don't want to change to suit her needs, you need to accept that the relationship couldn't work out, despite your strong feelings
    -If she is not willing to take you back, even if you are willing to change, then you need to accept and respect her decision and admit to yourself that if she can't compromise with you in that way, than she cannot possibly be the one for you.
    - If she wants to get back together with you, then go for it

    Bear in mind that often we are left missing the other person after the end of a relationship. It can be hard to stop considering or thinking about the other person, especially when we are so used to accommodating them in our everyday life. Just because getting back together seems like it will take away the pain, doesn't mean that the problems associated with a previously failed relationship will be any easier to deal with.
    mishelly3's Avatar
    mishelly3 Posts: 300, Reputation: 16
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    #6

    Oct 17, 2008, 11:27 PM

    She probably is not thinking of you, move on if she wanted you back she would have come running back along time ago. Don't live your life waiting for her , that isn't healthy I am sure you are a great person and I think its time to start looking at other girls who jave probably waiting for you to move on so they can talk to you.. You're an awesome and smart boy now be smart and move on and live your life...

    Have a great life
    loz1988's Avatar
    loz1988 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Oct 18, 2008, 06:29 AM

    Well well well, you were obviously a part of her life or why else was you together so long, I'm sure she does hear songs, or things that remind her of you, maybe not the extreme that your feelings are when you hear thoughs songs. But I'm sure she does think of you from time to time. A break up is never easy and I am also in your situation at the moment, it hurts like hell I know. But would you like to live your life feeling this broken forever? I know I don't. And my ex is still fresh messin with me. And I'm telling you that. If you need a chat I'm here yeah. Take care.

    Lauren x
    drdradle's Avatar
    drdradle Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Oct 18, 2008, 07:52 AM

    Well it wasn't really that she dumped me, just to clear that up and for the only 2 that say that she doesn't, no offence but it wasn't that much help considering I found out this morning that she has been thinking of me just about as much as I have been thinking of her. I just need a way to try and get back together with her now.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #9

    Oct 18, 2008, 08:02 AM

    You know often we "think" of the other person because we are afraid to move on, the safe thing even if it was really not good, seems better.

    Why did you break up, what has been done to solve that problem, remember all of the hard feelings, all of the issues that was there will still be there plus a lot of new issues getting back together.

    If you want to try, go for it, just know that it seldoms work.
    bigbird213's Avatar
    bigbird213 Posts: 681, Reputation: 110
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    #10

    Oct 18, 2008, 09:47 AM

    I'm willing to bet you will each have thoughts of each other for years to come into the future... Someone who was a large part of your life for a significant amount of time is not easy to forget.

    The meaning or strength of these feelings is a different story, so don't take the fact that you probably still cross her mind to mean that you are going to get back together.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,318, Reputation: 10854
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    #11

    Oct 18, 2008, 11:08 AM

    Maybe you both care, and miss each other, but not enough to work together, or honestly communicate.

    I think contact with each other still stirs up old feelings, and gets you thinking about what you had a miss, but keeps you from seeing where your going, or growing to the point of enjoying your life.

    Until YOU can get to where you accept the reality your in and work on yourself, you will be responsible for keeping yourself miserable, and looking back.

    Give yourself more time.
    drdradle's Avatar
    drdradle Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #12

    Oct 19, 2008, 04:56 PM

    I know what most are saying and thinking and I really do appreciate what everyone has to say, but the only reason we really broke up in the first place was mainly a stupid thing between our two families, my parents and her parents use to get along until something happened to where they were feuding, but now everything is all good and she has felt the same way that I have been feeling about her, we didn't break up because we had any relationship problems it was mainly because our parents had problems.
    DazT's Avatar
    DazT Posts: 69, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Oct 20, 2008, 08:01 AM
    Mate, me and my ex had broken up for 5 or 6 months.. talked to each other a few times in between but not for long and bumped into each other a couple of times in that 5 or 6 months.. each time we spoke or saw each other, she never showed much interest and neither did I..

    But inside I was thinking about how much I wanted her and how much I cared about her and I guess it was the same for her because she eventually made contact and told me she still loved me and that she wanted to meet up. It has ended up not working and I'm in a confusing and frustrating situation but hey, at least I know now what happened without thinking of what could have happened.

    If you risk nothing, you gain nothing. If you want her back, go for it.. But do it in the right way. Prepare to be hurt again though, and never get your hopes up.
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
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    #14

    Oct 20, 2008, 12:39 PM

    Most likely, yes she thinks about you. Maybe not every day but you too were in a relationship, of course you run through her mind. But I think you have to let go of the thought of re-kindle. If she wanted to get back with you, she would probably say something. If you really feel like you want to go back with her, don't make the STUPID mistake a lot of men make of wanting to get her back, you get her back, and then a week or a month down the line you realize it's not working out. More often then not that's what happens- you guys might rekindle for a bit but then it will fall off again and be even harder. I think in this case, she has probably moved on if she hasn't given you any signs of how she is feeling or wanting to talk etc. Think with you mind on this case and not your emotions. There are a lot of people in the world
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
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    #15

    Oct 20, 2008, 12:41 PM
    p.s. I haven't talked with my ex in 4 months, and of course at times it drives me nuts he hasn't made any attempt to call, say hi, etc just casually as a friend... but in retrospect, sometimes I think the NC is the best, because the contacting even if it's a little can get emotionally messy and makes it harder to move on.
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #16

    Oct 20, 2008, 01:03 PM

    NC is the only way to go. On the "getting back together" part, in my mind the ONLY way this could permanently work is if you both took a long while to work on yourselves. Too often people rush back together only to find out nothing has changed. You almost have to just totally focus on yourself. Help you. Make yourself better. While doing this you could end up back together down the road, or, the more likely scenerio, you find someone who makes you even happier in the process. Called the progression of life. Start being selfish ( a bit) and think about yourself and how YOU can progress.
    laurakeryn's Avatar
    laurakeryn Posts: 5, Reputation: 0
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    #17

    Oct 20, 2008, 03:03 PM
    She thinks about you every day NIGHT. MORNING because it's the same story with my boyfriend. I got back with him after four months and we had been together for 1 yr and a half. I was heart broken when we broke up but the best thing to do is... if she has go bebo, phone which ever text her or leave her a private comment saying how much you love her and you want to get back with her. I bet you she will because she is thinking the same as you. FACT xx
    drdradle's Avatar
    drdradle Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #18

    Oct 20, 2008, 07:05 PM

    Thank you Dazt, you're the first one to put an answer that I can actually understand, yes, I know the consequences of going back out with her, and I have come to the conclusion that if it doesn't work out than I will be done with it, I just am one that believes in second chances and like I said earlier, we didn't really break up because there was anything wrong with our relationship, it was more of something completely different.
    drdradle's Avatar
    drdradle Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #19

    Oct 20, 2008, 07:10 PM

    o, and for everyone who has been saying all this stuff about how it would be so hard to get back together because we would have to work out problems, if you would just read, please, I have said that we didn't break up because of how we felt towards each other, it was something completely different altogether.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,318, Reputation: 10854
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    #20

    Oct 20, 2008, 09:46 PM
    You won't get too much support for trying to revive a relationship that forces other than you, broke up. Good luck with that.

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