[gracehgraceh]

My uncle got married in early May. My mom was the matron of honor, brother was ringbearer, and father was a groomsman. (It was my mom's brother getting married.) My brother (the rb) was 7. My 2 younger girl cousins were flower girls and they are 5 and 8. Their parents were both in the wedding (dad was best man and wife did a reading). The bride has two younger step siblings who are both 12, which is the same age I am (almost 13, yay!). They were a junior bridesmaid/jr. groomsman.

I have a cousin who was the brother of the 2 flowergirl sisters who is almost 11. He and myself were not included in the wedding- we were deemed as gift taker and program attendant, respectively. I do not see why we weren't included in the wedding- we are a VERY close knit family and both had a good relationship with our new aunt/uncle. Money and size was not an issue. We are both well behaved and mature.

I talked to my mom about it a couple months ago, and the next day I got a call from the bride. She asked me to be a program attendant and, I quote, "go on a special day together to pick out the dress you would wear and go to dinner."

That, of course, never happened.

I am jealous of all my cousins/family, who got to go on trips to get their dresses or tux measurements. The girls in the wedding got manicures, pedicures, a special lunch, all sorts of things. I was not invited to any of those. I feel insecure around my aunt and uncle now. I am afraid I did something that made them mad at me.

At my age, being in a wedding is a big deal. It's special.

I do not see why me and my younger boy cousin weren't in the wedding. I have some suspicions, though.

My and my younger cousin are both in puberty, so we have acne/oily hair/ hanging bodies. The other kids in the wedding are still unblemished and cute.

The bride also is a kindergarten teacher, so maybe she likes younger kids?

I was the flower girl in my uncles 1st wedding, but he got a divorce and no one likes to talk about it. It's like it never happened. I have never seen a picture of myself in my fg dress or anything.


I would just like to know if I am wrong for being jealous. I am really not trying to sound like a brat. I love my family very much and would never tell them I was offended. Thank you.

[davina4822]

I'm surprised no one answered your question. Here's what I think:

It is understandable that you felt left out. Sometimes adults don't think about how much these occasions can mean to a young teen. Frankly, sometimes adults don't think, period. And some brides are more concerned with how the wedding will look than how people will feel, especially a new niece. They forget a wedding is a sacred ceremony and focus more on impressing themselves and their guests. Forget about blaming your uncle; if he's like most grooms he didn't have much to say about it.

BUT, do not let this overshadow your relationship with your uncle and new aunt. Take the high road, be mature. Treat them with respect and consideration (that doesn't mean you have to gush around them, just be polite), just as you should every adult among your family and friends.

The acne and oily skin will go away, and you will be a bridesmaid someday. And there may come a time when you can feel comfortable talking with your aunt about this. But don't dwell on it--look for the good times you have to come.

[jjwoodhull]

I agree with everything Divina said. Also, as for your aunt saying she would have a special day with you -- Brides become overwhelmed when planning a wedding. Her invitation was probably sincere, but then she forgot or ran out of time. Maybe she is embassed to mention it now. I think you should call her and invite her to do something special with you. The wedding was one day, but she will be your aunt forever. It's not too late to form a special relationship.