[shatteredsoul]

I have thought about this as it seems it is a recurring theme in my life. I try to be positive, helpful, loving (most of the time) I have my faults and I am nowhere near perfect. Yet, basically I feel I treat others with respect and kindness.

WHAT I haven't figured out is why people are threatened by that? Why do some people just like to be mean> OR more importantly, be hurtful to others on purpose?

Does it derive some satisfaction? Is it because positive people are annoying to those that are narcisistic and negative? Is it to attack and bring them down?

Is it just the way they are put together?


I am curious.. what are your thoughts?

[N0help4u]

Some like the power and ego trip.
Enjoy manipulating
Some are miserable with themselves and project it on others
Some never grew up and think it is funny.
Some think they have to be rotten to get anywhere in life saying nice people get walked on.

Where does it come from?
Their upbringing, how they perceive things, how they cope with things, lack of respect/concern for others, what they think they can get away with,

[djbowens]

My mother always told me that misery loves company. She passed away when I was 19, and now that I am 21 I have realized - my mother was always right.

People like to be mean because they are unhappy with themselves. In some twisted minds, it makes people who are unhappy feel better to make others unhappy. Your positive attitude may very well annoy someone who doesn't feel the same way, and in turn they will try to bring you down with them, so that they don't feel as bad about their own life.

Another thing my mother taught me - kill them with kindness.

It works, really.

[startover22]

I wouldn't say kill them with kindness, I say protect them with kindness. The more kind people they meet, the better. So... Shattered, you keep being kind and wonderful like you are and you will be fine. Some days it is hard to be that way when they aren't... but that is the TEST... if you can, then you are doing great! Hugs and love... start

[firmbeliever]

Hi SS,
Here are some interesting articles I have read which you might find useful:).

How To Deal With People Who Put You Down

The Psychology of Anger and Anger Management : Insult, Revenge, and Forgiveness

Elemental Truths: Dealing With Difficult People

[0rphan]

Hi Shattered,

I am like you have tried to do the right thing by everyone all of my life, on many occasion causing trouble and going without for myself.

There are times, like you, when I have thought why should I bother, but being the person that I am I always do,many times the kids have said I'm to soft and I've thought if I could change one thing about myself it would have been... to have been born a harder person, it would have saved me so much pain in my life.

However having said all of that, then I would not have become the person that I am today.

I think people are just plain mean for all the reasons in the previous posts,but I do sincerely believe that some are just born that way, whether it's a specific gene, I don't know, but I think we all have that nasty streak in us but only some of us feel the need to use it... just because they can

[bushg]

I'd like for you to read a poem that has helped me so much in my life. I try my hardest to go by this message and sometimes I fail but tomorrow is a new day for me to start all over. I used to be a push over, a yes girl... but over the years that changed and I can put people in their place if I feel the need to. Pay close to attention to the next 4 lines.


As far as possible without surrender
Be on good terms with all persons.

And

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.



Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
And listen to others,
Even the dull and the ignorant;
They too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
They are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
You may become vain and bitter;
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
Many persons strive for high ideals;
And everywhere life is full of heroism.



Neither be cynical about love;
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
It is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
Be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
No less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
Whatever you conceive Him to be,
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
In the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

[shatteredsoul]

WOW I am touched and truly inspired by what each of you wrote.. I went away on vacation for ten days and my computer at home has a virus so I wasn't able to view what everyone said.. I apologize for not responding to my own post sooner... I really was shocked that people replied so insightfully and earnestly. That really means so much to me. I didn't have any expectations but you all exceeded any I might have had..

First, NOhelp4u, You always have a kind word and something intelligent to bring to the conversation. I appreciate you taking the time to answer me. You are right about everything you said and even though rationally I know these things, it helps to hear it from someone else.

Second, DJbowens, isn't that the truth! MISERY DOES LOVE COMPANY and most times the people that are the worst to me are plain miserable to begin with! I guess when you try and help them to be happy, it makes them worse! They want to be miserable because everything in their life is based on being critical, negative and basically an a$$hole..
I do try to be kind, sometimes it just feels like I am constantly turning the other cheek, YOU know what I mean??

START, my love... YOu and your wise words always get me.. they always have. Simply put to the point, yes I am being tested.. somedays I feel stronger than others. IT is when I feel weak that it hurts the most. I must brush it off and keep my head up like my nose is bleedin! Lol I love you and hope you had a fantastic birthday! Xoxoxo always thinking of you.

Firmy,
The articles you put up were very interesting to read and had lots of great examples of how to respond to specific behaviors and personalities. IT was very helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to look that stuff up. I hope my computer is up and running this weekend... because when I leave work I can't get online =[
I love and miss you and hope you are well.. my prayers are always with you..

Orphan, I am sure your gentle ways and kind heart have brought you much further in life because otherwise you wouldn't be on here giving such good advice. You speak from the heart and I know what you say is so true.. there is not always a rhyme or reason for people who are malicious and intentionally hurtful, I guess that's why it is so confusing. I couldn't imagine being mean, JUST TO BE MEAN or being vengeful JUST TO SPITE SOMEONE! I am not put together that way and yet it seems even though I try I get caught in someone's tangled web and allow myself to be brought down and hurt by them.. I am trying to stay above it and people like you are an inspiration to me..
thank you.

BushG... I haven't heard from you in awhile and gosh I really have missed you..
your poem and few words really struck a chord with me. YOu sound so much like my dad.. it brought tears to my eyes to read what you wrote. It is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH.. my eleven year old daughter told me those same words.. tomorrow is a new day to start all over. What a wonderful outlook to have. I don't see you as a yes person or a push over so you must have come a long way!!

This poem is so eloquent and beautiful, I felt like I was drinking the words and pouring them into my soul to remember forever.. I often pray for those things. NOT to be petty or jealous but to be appreciative and thankful for what I have.. To be aware of my gifts and to not lose sight of my goals or career but to be humble..

My anger and ego are my biggest enemies and that is why mean and malicious people effect me so much... BECAUSE I LET THEM.. often I can let things roll off my back and then others, my selfish pride gets in the way and sometimes I can be very emotional and explosive (kind of like one of those personalities that I read about from Firm) THat is something I really need to work on.. BUT mostly, it seems no one is accountable anymore for their actions, when they hurt for no reason. IT seems like we have turned into such cold people sometimes and I don't know why. Maybe its easier that way so we don't have to feel all the pain?

I look forward to continuing this and hearing what you all have to say...

You are all awesome and I love sharing my thoughts and feelings with you!!

Happy FRIDAY! I am going home in ten minutes and I hope I can log on at home! Lol

[shatteredsoul]

You Are So Right... Many Fears Are Born Out Of Fatigue And Loneliness... I Think That Is When We Allow All Of Our Fears To Surface And Take Over!! My Sister Is A Prime Example Of That And Is Often Immobilized By Her Fears. I Thank You So Much For Sharing This Poem, Every Word Means So Much To Me..


Sorry I Double Posted!!

[Alty]

Hi Shattered,

We're all human, and as such we do make mistakes. I'm guilty, I will be mean to others, if they are mean to me first, but I'm also quick to forgive.

I used to be a pushover, and I let people walk all over me, or just ignored them when they were rude or unkind, I won't anymore, because if I ignore them they just move on to someone else.

I've fought with certain people on this site because their rudeness bothers me, and I can't let it go, believe me, I've tried. I wish I could just walk away, but most times it's not because they've insulted me, but someone else, and I feel the need to step in, most of the time I just step in sh*t.:)

Will I stop, I don't know. I don't go looking for a fight, but I won't back down from one either. If that makes me a bad person, well, so be it. I'm kind when I need to be, mean when I need to be, sympathetic when the situation calls for it, caring when someone needs it, but will I back down? No. :)

I hope that answers your question. You are a sweet person, stay that way, it's a good way to be. :)

[ISneezeFunny]

I agree with most people here... except that misery loves company. I'd hate to admit it, but I sometimes think I'm one of those "malicious and cynical" people. A lot of my friends call me ruthless, especially when it comes to business or whenever money's involved.

Is it my upbringing.. Possibly. I grew up watching people screw our family over left and right for their own benefit, so in a sense, I learned that that's the only way you can get by in life without being screwed over yourself.

It's also a competitive notion, where if I don't take it from someone, someone else will.

Granted, this all has to do with business, money, etc... nothing like bullying or whatnot.. . I don't think I'm a bully... plus, how intimidating could a 5'8" asian kid be?

[HistorianChick]

Shattered,

I think you answered your question in your signature... "True friends stab you in the front." In a way, you can tell who your real friends are by the way that they respond to you. I"m one of those glass-always-half full people... someone once said that I have a perpetual-Barbie-girl-optimism. Sometimes I think I am too naive... and yet, at the same time, I know that everyone isn't beautiful and full of goodwill to men.

Honestly? For me, it doesn't matter how I'm treated, it matters how I respond. When people treat me maliciously I have a choice to be malicious back, or respond with kindness. Granted, sometimes, that "kind" response is simply walking away. Simply being the bigger person.

So, I think that no matter how a person is built, whether cynical and methodically vindictive or perpetually optimistic, it is OUR response that dictates our own happiness....

(I am not by any means saying that it doesn't hurt like Hades when someone DOES treat you vindictively, and yes, sometimes it stings for years, but if we look at a situation/person with a positive attitude... even one of "Nasty little fellows like you always get their come-uppance. Have a nice day! "... aye, there is the rub... and therein lies the secret for a perpetual-Barbie-girl-optimism... that and kickboxing... ;) )

[shatteredsoul]

Yes I do know what you mean ALTENWEG.. really I do.. I am quick to anger but quick to forgive. I don't like to harbor hartred in my heart. It takes far too much energy.
I am a pushover in some ways, but not at all in other ways!
I have felt the rudeness that you describe on this site as well, but the positive people, far outweigh the negative. I think some people feed off getting a rise out of others.
Sometimes its better to just move on.
YOU and I are very similar because I don't go looking for fights either but I am not one to back down AT ALL.
Thank you for being so nice yourself.. I have to tell you it's a real gift to have people who reach out, rather than be ignored. I find that is hard to deal with also.
Mostly, I realize it is completely about letting go, YOU are right about that.. I have to learn to let go of caring about how others treat me because I cannot change the way they act.
Historianchick.. you really summed it up with a few choice words. The truth of the matter is, I have absolutely all the power within me to respond in a way that completely deflates the pain that people try to inflict. I walk away from a lot of things, especially this year. I have let go of people who constantly hurt or disappoint me, rather than argue with them and try to hold onto what I wish they were.
THIS insatiable need for acceptance and approval is something that gets in the way, as well as, caring what other people think and do and say. I can keep it in check, sometimes... but there are times when people are so cruel and rutheless, it just hurts to the core.

I can handle people making mistakes, hurting me and realizing it was wrong. I can deal with certain failures within friendships and selfish decisions that hurt me, when someone is honest and accountable.

HOWEVER, what truly feels like a knife in my chest is that most people are dishonest and take no accountability for the pain they inflict upon others, whether intentional or not.
I may not mean to hurt someone's feelings, but if I know they are hurt, I will acknowledge their feelings and validate them by apologizing for the way they feel they were treated. I may not even agree with their opinion, but I know that my perception is not the only valid or correct one.


I have a real problem with people who are narrow minded, bull headed and incapable of hearing other people's perceptions. I know that I will not always understand how other people think, nor will I ever be like them, but listening and learning from it will benefit my personal growth.
PEOPLE who are malicious, spiteful and ignorant are stunted in their growth, intellectually and emotionally, as well as, spiritually. IT isn't something I desire to be AT all, but yet my responses are not always warranted or mature either. I recognize my failings and I try to learn from each mistake.

I don't expect people to be perfect, just intentionally cruel and unaware of the effects it has on others. Sometimes the mature response doesn't reach them either. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??

[HistorianChick]

I do know what you mean. Personally, I cannot fathom being vindictive and out to hurt people just because you can. That is inconceivable to me.

But on the other hand, as a historian, I recognize that sometimes people are simply evil. There have been countless evil people throughout the history of the world, people that have accomplished unthinkable terrors upon their fellow man, mutilated hearts and minds of children, while thinking that they were doing the world a favor. I cannot understand that.

Being a sweet-hearted, honest person opens you up for terrible wrenchings of your heart and soul... from careless, unaware, unknowing people... from those who see your innocence and want to pluck it away from you... from those that don't know any better... from those that are hurting inside and want to inflict some amount of pain on someone else so it alleviates their own. Tragically, those that are without guile tend to be the ones that are severely and ruthlessly attacked.

Shattered, the only way you can respond to this type of cruelty is strengthening your inner resolve to not become bitter. Its hard, believe me. Its hard when you are hurt by those that you thought were your friends, those that held your heart in their hands, those that meant the world to you... and even those that casually shot an arrow in the dark, that just happened to pierce your very soul.

It is in the moments of weakness that our true character is revealed. Its those small acts of unnecessary kindness that we see the depth of our true self... and sometimes... those little acts of kindness are overlooking a wound...

Live in those moments. The moments of weakness... for it is in them, that you are the strongest.

[shatteredsoul]

Gaining resolve and strength is imperative for the soul to stay at peace.. that is most definitely accurate! I believe your words ring true for everyone, NOT to become bitter... it is easy to give in to negative feelings of narcissim and self defeat, but not impossible to overcome. I look at my life as riding the wave.. Sometimes I am riding high and feeling on top of the world and then others, I am crashing and burning with my face in the sand. I know there is nothing certain in this life except there will always be a battle of good and evil, MOST often that battle occurs within.

Finding peace with who we are and the tenacity to move forward through the struggles we face, is part of the reason for our existence. THINGS aren't supposed to be easy and when they are, LOOK OUT.. that means a tidal wave might be coming up the rear. The calm before the storm is something I am aware of. My life is filled with many blessings and I have much to be thankful for. The malicious intent of those around me doesn't mean much, unless I let it.

MY weakest moments, I am most vulnerable to be hurt and yet you see a strength that must lie underneath. I guess I never looked at it that way. THose moments are when I must self reflect and muster up my shield of armor to protect myself from harm.

You express your vision of the world and of history in a way that is very inspiring and insightful. I can tell that you put every ounce of energy into learning about people, culture, books and how history more often than not, repeats itself.. Thank you for sharing that.

The only way to truly inspire and change the world, is to begin with ourselves. IT looks as if you are doing an amazing job.. Thanks for reaching out to me.. your awareness of my feelings was not expected but truly appreciated..

ISNEEZEFUNNY, sorry I didn't respond to your post sooner, I didn't see it the last time. I think you have grown up with a thick skin and an understanding of how to protect yourself from greedy and selfish people. I do not think you are of malicious character. Maybe you have become cynnical and rutheless in providing a life for yourself and becoming successful, but you don't strike me as someone who is cold hearted, but rather, guarded in who you let close to you.
YOU are correct, in the business world, only the shrewd survive. You must be calculated and determined, as well as a little callous to make BIG money. IT comes with a sacrifice. That being, your personal relationships are not as important as your business practices. That is not a bad thing, it is more of a personal choice. I have never cared too much about making big money, rather my personal relationships have taken top priority. That being said, I suffer the consequences of putting too much focus on that OVER my own financial well being.
So, all in all we are all struggling to find balance in our lives and within our souls. For some, money makes the world go round and for others, its LOVE..

Throughout history and time, both have always had a price and we will continue to pay for it.. for eternity.

GOOD vs EVIL...

The battle continues..

BUT HOW DOES "GOOD" REALLY EVER WIN?

[HistorianChick]

As I said before on one of my Questions...

I wonder...

"Is it possible to bubble over with happiness and contentment, while still wrestling with the pangs of loneliness and heartache? Is it possible to be completely secure and desperately lost? Is it too far out of the realm of reason to wish upon oneself joy and sorrow? Is it necessary to understand the mysteries of the heart and believe in the possibility of redemption? I think not. For within my heart is joy and sorrow, happiness and irrevocable despair, contentment and desire. Within my soul is peace and contentment, but living in my heart is pain and loss. Did I simply define humanity? Is balance the great secret? If so, let balance reign in my heart, let it live in my soul, let it influence my emotions, let it rule my mind. For to be balanced is to be alive. I choose to be alive."

~ A HistorianChick original ~

It's a choice. It all boils down to that. Keep making the choice to overcome. You're doing a great job.


:)

[shatteredsoul]

Yes yes yes... YOU GOT IT.. STOP MAKING ME CRY ALREADY YOUR KILLING ME WITH YOUR POETIC WORDS.. AND MAKING ME A LITTLE JEALOUS.. LMAO.. My mom is an english professor and my sister is in incredible writer... you remind me of both of them.. I am sooo not gifted with words like you. BTW your picture is beautiful.. keep the hat and love the lipstick..

I feel every one of the emotions you just described and sometimes all at the same time. The depth and complexity that I feel within the angst of my soul sometimes overwhelms and scares me, I take a few breaths and try to keep moving.. sometimes I can't move at all. Then someone like you comes along and gives me the motivation to believe in ME. Thanks

[HistorianChick]

You're welcome, dear heart.

You've seen 300, right? Just remember that the best way to fight a battle is with others standing next to you. When you put your shields together they are impenetrable.

You don't need to be an army of one... just put your shield up and hide underneath it for a while... we'll take the watch.

Seriously, when you feel like you can't go on fighting, crawl under that shield and let the rest of us wage the war. :)

[shatteredsoul]

Well thank you because I am actually crawling under it now.. so I hope no one minds. I also want to be a source of strength for others because I don't want to be a burden for anyone.. EVER. I do believe when people are connected, nothing is impossible. I haven't seen that movie but the analogy is great and I want to go home and watch it now.

I want this post to be about others, their struggles, their ways of dealing with evil, malicious and hurtful people. How do they perceive it, handle it and respond to it? How has it affected their lives and I want to learn from all different kinds of walks of life. WHAT IS THEIR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH IT?

This post should not be just about me... IT is about everyone struggling and we can share and learn and grow stronger from each other. I want to help others, like you are for me.

Please share, continue and feel free to say whatever you wish. I am not here to judge only to listen and learn.

Your words are wise beyond your years..

[shatteredsoul]

I have this strange and wonderful feeling that no matter what happens, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAYYYYY...

I can't explain why...