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Libbyis15 · Jul 3, 2008, 05:02 AM

I'm 15 and I want to move in with my 15 year old boyfriend. His parents want me to and we aren't sexually active so there are no health risks. I want to move out because for as long as I can remember, my Mum ha told me that she doesn't want me. Up until last year she used to always be really violent (fists), but now it is only occasionally. Although we have been arguing for weeks now and she keeps threatening to give me away. She says I can tell who I want because she doesn't car if Social Services take me away. She says I'm causing all of the rows between her and her partner and that I'm making her not want to be here anymore. Apparently they can't cope with my illness... my OCD and the fact that I have a voice in my head, but God forbid me bring it up or things get worse and worse. She makes fun of my illness and then tells me she can't deal with it. She screams in my face words beginning with B, F, C and more. I can't deal with this. I want to move out… how can I do it?

N0help4u · Jul 3, 2008, 05:14 AM

The only way you can move out is through child social services. Stress to them about your illness and how she is making it worse instead of getting the help you need.
Your bf's parents can back you up with what is going on that you need to leave if they actually know. They can offer to social services that they want to take you in but ultimately the Judge would decide if you can go with them.

smokedetector · Jul 3, 2008, 05:16 AM

If you move in with your boyfriend and she doesn't like it, she can call the cops on his mom and get her arrested. Same thing happened to my mom when she moved in with her b/f at 17. I would call CPS if you are being emotionally and physically abused like that. Good luck.

N0help4u · Jul 3, 2008, 05:19 AM

OR your mother can call and tell the police that you ran away and his parents can get charged with harboring a minor any time she wants to create a problem.
That is why the only way you can do anything is through the child soc service.

JBeaucaire · Jul 3, 2008, 07:40 AM

Just do it. Make sure everything is OK with your BFs family, and move in. Your mom doesn't care, she won't stop it. Don't even discuss it with her.

In fact, don't make a big deal of it yourself. Tell her your spending the night at friends houses if she ever cares enough to ask. Give her your report cards, let her know about stuff you're supposed to, but stop interacting with her as a parent. Think of her as more of a parole officer you have to check in with periodically.

When you check in, NEVER ask for anything. Don't complain, don't interfere, don't have an opinion, offer to help if something needs doing, stay out of conversations, just check in and then go to "a friend's house."

If your mom REALLY doesn't care, then she will appreciate the freedom and won't give you crap.

There is always the possibility your mom is sick and will actually pursue you to make you miserable outside the home, too. If that turns out to be the case, you WILL need to involve Social Services and your BFs parents. If that becomes necessary, don't hesitate to do it. But only if it is necessary.

ScottGem · Jul 3, 2008, 07:44 AM

I have to disagree with JB here. If you just move and your mother wants to make trouble then she can. Maybe she will be glad to see you go, but I wouldn't risk the trouble your bf's family can get into.

I agree you need to go to children's services and try to get yoyur bf's mother appointed as guardian.

N0help4u · Jul 3, 2008, 07:47 AM

I agree moms like that WILL make trouble for no reason
Protect yourself and his family so she has no recourse for creating problems.

ch00ch00 · Jul 7, 2008, 12:10 AM

Well I went throw the same problem between 13 and 18 your old enough to choose where you would like to live but if you do move out you mite have to stay in a ffoster home or a group home like I did until you boyfriend mom can prove she's a she's a sutible parent and that she could provide and take care of you.

ScottGem · Jul 7, 2008, 05:47 AM

The laws vary from state to state, but in no US state can a minor (someone under 18) make the decision about where they want to live, especially if they want to live with a non relative. Some states do codify guidelines for family court judges about how much weight to put on the minor's preference, but the ultimate decision is in the hands of a family court judge.

ch00ch00 · Jul 7, 2008, 06:50 PM

Wel scoot gem when I was in the system I was aloud to chose where I wanted to live as long as I was provided for and taken care of proborly!

ScottGem · Jul 7, 2008, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by ch00ch00

wel scoot gem when i was in the system i was aloud to chose where i wanted to live as long as i was provided for and taken care of proborly!!

I don't accept that. You may have been given choices to select from and the system may have accepted your choices, but you didn't have the final decision.

rowan1 · Jul 7, 2008, 07:19 PM

Oh dear... I've been there. Not easy... more like hell. I'd like to say that whatever "illness" you think you have may be just that. I've had abusive parents that have spent my entire life reminding me of how much "supervision" I needed because of my "emotional" problems. When I comes down to it, and you already know this, parents are people too. Unfortunately. It sounds like your mother may, I repeat may be the one with the "illness" you can't beat your kid and be so emotionally abusive unless there's something seriously wrong with you. You are obviously in a better place and a better person because you know the situation is screwed up and know it should be different. So don't worry about turning into her... you already aren't. As to being 15.. that age bites. If you move in with your boyfriend it will turn sexual. I'm talking from experience. It's not that he's only into that or that you will be, it's just a matter of biology... hormones bite. I know it's a tired old answer, but it's true. Just look at half of the romance movies and shakespeare's romeo and juliet. Those hormones kick in and BLAM your intellect goes right out the window, while your emotions go nuts. If you were confused and concerned before, dang.. it'll only make it worse.
I know you want OUT! And it may very well be that it would be the best thing for you. But you need to take hold of your life now, don't be stupid like me and wait until you're in your thirties. So much time wasted... so, find out the resources in your state. There should be some outside of child protective services. The other post was right, the laws and resources of each state differ. If you have a diagnosis (whether it's accurate or not) you could qualify for certain programs. At least an advocate. There are answers.. and not just these (on this site). You can do whatever you put your mind to. Just protect yourself. Your mom isn't the only one that can hurt you. I know that this is no answer, and that I don't understand all of the nuances. None of us can. But know that you aren't alone. More of us have lived through the hell of abuse, mental illness, and teen years than you may realize. Good luck, I'll be concerned, and rooting for you

ch00ch00 · Jul 9, 2008, 12:21 AM

Scotgem I have absoultly no reason to make up lies or give false information! That would be a waist off my time. Now I was given two chocies to live with either my god mother or dad, at this time no one else was sutibale to provide and take care of me I chose my dad and the court game me what I asked for

smokedetector · Jul 9, 2008, 05:28 AM

Uh... ch00ch00... sorry but I think that's exactly what Scott said. "I don't accept that. You may have been given choices to select from and the system may have accepted your choices, but you didn't have the final decision."

You pretty much just said that the court gave you a choice of your god mother or dad and you chose your dad and they accepted your choice. Which is what Scott said. I'm sure he wasn't actually calling you a liar, but just clarifying your presentation of the facts.

Anyway, just though I'd point that out.

ScottGem · Jul 9, 2008, 05:53 AM

Originally Posted by ch00ch00

scotgem i have absoultly no reason to make up lies or give false information!! that would be a waist off my time. now i was given two chocies to live with either my god mother or dad, at this time no one else was sutibale to provide and take care of me i chose my dad and the court game me what i asked for

Please don't misunderstand me. I am sure that you were not lying, Nor do I believe you deliberately intended to give false information. But the fact is that you did give misleading information. As your response above shows, you did NOT make the final decision. You were given specific choices and you expressed your preference. Then the COURT agreed and made the final decision. That agrees with what I said probably happened. But the way you originally posted it, would lead someone to believe you just decided on your own where you want to live and that just doesn't happen.

milagros6670 · Jul 9, 2008, 12:21 PM

The best thing for every one is that u do it through soc services I know some body who was in the same situation and she just moved in and now her ex boyfriends parents are sitting in jail so make sure u do the right thing...

JBeaucaire · Jul 9, 2008, 03:33 PM

I don't think so...

Fr_Chuck · Jul 9, 2008, 05:16 PM

The last thing you should do is move in with the boyfriend parents, one he sexual thing while not happening now, he is 15, then 16 and so on, and really is not the best thing, Also what happens in 4 months when the two of your break up and he is dating someone else, hard to change to a sister like arrangement.

But things at home is not right either, social services, child protective services need to be invovled and you need to be placed in a safe home, perhaps even a foster home not related to family