[shanek1979]

Hi Skittles,

This thread is quite old and I don't know if you or anyone else is still reading it but I felt so compelled to reply I had to sign up. Im 29 yrs old and in my teens and early twenties I tried a few drugs, pills, coke trips (acid) but I wanted to comment on the cannabis issue. Im not patronizing at all here I'm just going to tell you my story in basic. I still smoke although as ill explain this is changing.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 14 and a few months later I was with one of the top boys at school when he offered me some of his joint. I was already interested in it (as a rumor going round the playground and that) so I took it and to be honest it didn't do a whole lot, it buzzed me out a bit. I only smoked, maybe a few tokes for, maybe a year.

When I was 15 we used to hang out in the park and that, and we would all chip in, say 3 of us, fiver each to get an eighth. Was quite funny because we would need fags and skins an that, and we couldn't all skin up. Lol. But basically in al I was smoking a bit of a few joints, maybe twice a week or something. It really wasn't an issue.

I left school, got an apprentiship, was still smoking but so were friends and it was all good, we would go out for beers and clubbing and that, also sit out late at night having a smoke and talking theology and other stuff (we knew nothing about ;) ) it wasn't too bad.

21-22 ish I had moved in with a girlfriend 90 miles from home. It was OK we were in love and that but we were both working hard. I started doorwork and I was getting through more gear, a 8th maybe a 1/4 a week. But now I was smoking more on my own, after work and stuff. I wasn't aggressive or anything, I was a dam good doorman and I've always been known as a bit of a cooler.

Things got rough for me when I had a bike accident at 23 and was bedridden pretty much for 5 months. I started smoking a lot then. 1/4-1/2 oz a week. OK I'm no scarface, but, and this might answer one of your above questions, when I'm stoned, I have great thoughts, I'm incredibly intelligent, I've just done a degree in psychology, I like physiscs politics sport all sorts. I don't think ( AT THE MOMENT) I have any mental capability issues (excuse the typing and grammar in this, is very late/ early here) but the problem with pot (always skunk by the way, day in day out) is it gives you great thoughts, but sucks away the will to do anything about it.

So, I think, gear is dangerous because it just drives you into a pit. IT HAS caused my depression, I do get angry and frustrated. Im not violent to people really, like I said it isn't my style, but in extreme times I do go off verbal to family and close friends.

I have really struggled, lost girlfriends and jobs. And friends. Im very lucky because I have a close family and my best mate is an absolute ROCK. He will never read this but rich I love you to bits brother. Now.. Well, as I say, I'm not dry, not yet, they say recognition is the first step... believe me I know all the theory, but now I'm determined, I need gear now as a crutch to go to bed at night, its sad but to me its better than also smoking all day. Now I'm just rolling smaller and smaller joints each time. I'm filling my days, even today, I done shed loads of work I'm my mums garden, she has needed it done for ages and I just thought, right, that's ties up some hours. But its REALLY hard. Pot isn't as bad as coke or smack etc but you know what, its dangerous because it's a sneaky fu**er and creeps up on you, by the time you realise what the damage s you just can't be arsed to fix it.

My advice, hey if your going to try it I'm not one to criticise but ill say this, for anything in your life, fill your days! Every single day, get a diary and keep it full. If you do smoke it keep it to a casual one off with mates, don't start keeping it at home of striking up friendships with dealers. I got dealers that think I'm a top bloke, from pikies on caravan sites to blokes in suits. And I know if I stop buying tomorrow ill never hear from them again. Im planing for a fortnight wind down on my gear but I'm not beating myself up, I'm working on it and making progress.

If anyone thinks that's weak I have tried cold turkey and I have also been suicidal on 3 occasions, That's weak but what can you do, except try to be stronger. Good luck to anyone who reads this and knows what I'm talking about, just remember to those that look down on us, we ALL have a weakness. To err is human etc :)

[Fr_Chuck]

Moved to own thread