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16 pregnant and scared
I'm 16 turning 17 in a few months, I'm 2 weeks late but I knew I might be pregnant. About a month and a half ago I miscarried my first pregnancy 6 weeks in, then everything changed for me. Everyone was so disappointed. I'm a straight A honor roll student moved up two grades graduating in about a month online. Then starting college in August. My mom looked so upset. Everyone wanted to abort last time and I guess I was so stressed I miscarried. This time, I don't kow what I'm going to do. I was so upset last time because I found out 3 weeks in I took care of myself and it kind of grew on me. I mean I make 10.50 an hour I wouldn't choose to keep it if I couldn't support it. But I know this time I might be able to. My boyfriend of almost a year (my first and only sexual partner) wanted this child because he felt it would help us more. He's 19 and I'm turning 17 by the way. Now I am just scared.. some one please help me on what to do... :confused:
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First mistake here is that your boyfriend thinks that having a child could help you both, in what way?
Having a baby for the wrong reasons is not a good idea. If your having relationship problems a baby will not help. You may be scared, but this is the second time of possibly being pregnant. You should have protected yourself so this would not happen again. If it does there are many options but do not let your family force you to do anything you do not want to do. There is adoptions, etc... No need to abort. Miscarriages happen and many times it happens without any explanation. Sometimes there are medical reasons, and yes stress can be a factor but not the main cause in my opinion. First step : Take a test to find out if your pregnant or not. Second Step : Go to your doctor and get blood work done. Third Step : After results if you are pregnant then you need to inform your boyfriend and family. Fourth Step : Decide if you are truly ready to take care of a baby or not. If you are then be prepared. If your not, there are options. Joe |
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We were that's the thing. Protection to me was very important but I know I'm pregnant because that night 3 weeks ago he told me he did it..
I don't feel it will help us either. I have my whole life to live for I'm just scared of what my family will do if they found out... Last time I miscarryed because of them. My life and even my job would be gone. |
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You can not blame your family for you miscarrying. Sorry but that is passing the buck. Stress does not help but like I said it is not the main cause. A doctor would have told you that.
As far as family is concerned. Your almost an adult and even if you were not. The final decision is yours and yours alone. They can not force you to do anything legal when your pregnant. So that is that. There is nothing to be scared of. You decided to act like an adult now it is time to make decisions, but first you need to get the pregnancy test and see your doctor. |
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Get a test. Your two weeks late. You need to get a test.
My wife had a miscarriage and our doctor pretty much gave us a list of things that would NOT cause it and probably something genetic. Meaning that if the baby is not developing properly or is weak in some way that it is natures way of not continuing on. Many of it is just opinions of course and depending on the doctor you would get different answers, plus each situation is different. In my opinion, Stress is a factor but not the complete reason for the miscarriage. So do the test, ASAP. See your doctor. Tell your boyfriend and family if you are. Then you need to make decisions on WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. |
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If you're two weeks late, you can get tested.
Also, I'd hate to bring this up, but if your boyfriend is 19 and you're 17, depending on state laws, he COULD be committing statutory rape. I'm not sure how a child would "help" you two... as I've never heard of a child helping a relationship. I've heard of a child destroying many relationships, however. Best. |
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What all these people said they can't tell you what to really do unless they r 17 n pregnant which is what happened to me!
I was 16 and found out I was pregnant my boyfriend was 19 like yours We are truly in love and married in April of 07 we have been married a year and if your ready to take care of a baby then do it just make sure your ready!! My baby is 6months now and the best thing that ever happened to me and she DID NOT DESTROY OUR RELATIONSHIP SHE BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER AS A FAMILY! So no matter what others say a baby is a blessing! NO matter how young you are people can't say you can't be a good parent!! If your ready to be a mother then you are! Our baby is in the best health and so are we so if you want to keep him/her make sure you are ready finacially,mentally,and physically! |
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 Originally Posted by riahlink
So I think you need to back off and stop implying what you think people said and let this girl make her decisions in life on her own without making other people look like the bad guys when everybody else here that is posting is just trying to help her out. You need to --------------. EDIT :::::::: Children have added lots of stress and lots more problems to relationships. This is a fact. Does not make them not a blessing. Just some people are not ready for children or have children for the wrong reasons. There is a big difference. |
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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
I did say I am pregnant I do know this even without a test... obvisously there not the only ones who need to reread the answers... I didn't ask for judgement I only asked for guidance. I don't know how to tell my mom or anyone for that matter. My boyfriend and I aren't working out and lied to him saying I wasn't pregnant because he's so convinced this will help us. We been together so long we don't even say the things we use to. We were on the verge of a break up so he tried without my knowledge to get me pregnant. I know I will keep it. Yes I do make enough to support myself and a baby I have a couple thousand dollars saved from my last 2 paychecks when he told me what happened that night. I make 10.50 an hour and work at least 75 hrs a week. I finished high school a couple months early and did my own thing, just finished the online part a little while ago. I'm just trying to be a good person but not for me but for this kid. I never had anyone to look up to growing up or even now and I don't want the same for the her/him. Who knows if I can even have the baby I mean I could miscarry like he said miscarriages happen often and I already had one before. But its not like I wasn't careful I mean I never had sex before in my life or even thought about it. We were dating about 5 months before I finally thought it was the right time. He was so experienced it made me nervous and scared but when I met him he was one of those always there guys now I have no clue what happened. He quit his job, dropped most of his school and I just want the overachiever back... not the underachiever I just wish I could figure this out |
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I'm not saying this to judge you or criticize you... but simply to give you another perspective. If this sounds like an attack, then I apologize ahead of time.
You ever hear the phrase, "You don't know because you're too young to know what's what?" You're 17. Your boyfriend's 19. Even if you two are the most mature teenagers in the world, that's just that... you guys are STILL teenagers. There's a slim to none chance that you two are "physically, socially, and financially" able to take care of a child. You have some money saved up and you make 10.50 an hour... with baby food, doctor visits, diapers, clothes alone... you'll be barely living paycheck to paycheck. Don't forget those emergencies you might have to pay for. Granted you don't pay rent... so that's a plus. You have a high school degree... now what? You'll go back to school later? Where's the money coming from for that? You two were dating for "so long"... what is "so long"? Is that 2 years? 3? That's not that long, and if you two are having problems now, imagine the problems you two will face 5 - 6 years down the road. He quit his job and dropped out of school for his own personal reasons... I'm just not sure that a baby will make him return to his "achieving" ways. How will he support you? Will you two live together? Will he pay half the costs? I'd hate to grill you like this, but it's so ridiculously impossible for me to even imagine supporting myself AND a child... to even think that a 17 year old can do this. I'm not saying it's impossible, and perhaps riahlink up there is one of the few exceptions. I suggest you and your mother sit down, and have a serious discussion. Tell her what you've said here. Ask her for advice and for help. Don't yell, don't scream, don't get defensive. Really, try to have an adult conversation with her. Will she get mad/upset/disappointed? Possibly. But eventually, this is one of those things that have already happened and there's no going back on this. This process will be a lot easier with your mother there to guide you and support you. I wish you and your baby the best. |
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Originally Posted by riahlink
I agree no matter what a child is a blessing. And I also agree children don't destroy relationships. However, I dissagree that they bring you together. YOu see, we are responsible for three major things in life, they are: our thoughts (which seem to have a major effect on our feelings, and actions) , our feelings/ emotions (which can have a major effect on our thoughts, if we let them, thus our actions.), and our actions (which have a major effect on the enviroment/people around us.) You see, even though it may seem like a good thing that you say, it is like placing blame on others. What if your guy one day decides it was a bad idea to have a child, and leaves (yes I'm glad you are happy, and I know it's a very horrible thought, but the future is not set. No one and I mean no one know the future.) Because he "can't" handle the kid thing? What does that mean? That it was the child's fault?? The it is no longer a blessing? No surely not, what that means is "HE" is blaming outhers for his life, and the way he lives it. We always have a choice, and we make choices based on thoughts, feelings/ emotions, and actions (mostly by others, but some times we do things with out realizing it, and why.) So Disargee if you must, but try to keep an open mind and an open heart. (for it may hurt, though you are not wrong.) We are responsible, for no more then ourselves, should we choose to take responsibility for another, is entirely up to us as individuals. I also disagree with the whole "NO matter how young u are ppl can't say u can't be a good parent!!!!" statement, for people can say what ever they want. That dosen't make it true, or fauls, for it is just what they think. So how do you know you are a good parent, because "you" simply "are". Like Yoda says, "Do or do not, there is no try." But just so you know that young people are not emotionally stable and mentaly meture enough, for example, an 8-11 year old, would not be ready, or at vary least would find it rather difficult. But I do understand that if you are mature and in better knowledge of yourself (emotions and what not.) you could make a very good mother. How ever, if you have a child to make some one else happy, or to be closer to them, remember, even if everything is all fine and good, and life seems perfect, beware. For your loved one may just up and die, for what ever reason. (maybe a car accident {jsut because they are a good driver don't mean that others are.}, or maybe a sickness.) Be ever so mindful of that which you do not see. For we are only truly ready when we can be independent, and take responsibility for ourselves. With that I say to you, please do not take offence, for I'm not saying you are wrong. Just that you may want to be aware of many other things. Life is never about, one thing, or another, it's about all things, and nothing, and something's. For we are all each individuals (you), yet we are connected as one (the human race, and even bigger, aliving organisim). Peace be with you my friend. |
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Originally Posted by scaredconfused2
By the way, I do wish you the best and if you are pregnant it sounds like your keeping the baby. I wish the best for your future baby as well. Joe |
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Originally Posted by scaredconfused2
Originally Posted by scaredconfused2
To tell your mother or anyone for that matter is up to you. This is your child, and it is your choice, no one can make it for you, not even your BF, because it's not his decision, unless you let him in to it. (see you could run away, and just get rid of the baby, so really it's your choice.) So for get him, and focuse on you, are you ready, do you want this, can you support it (alone? {you don't know if he'll be there, alive or not.}), how will it affect your life, can you accept that, and so on, the questions are endless really. But the important thing is it is yours to make, for you and the child! (for it is aprat of you until it is old enough to face life on it's own.) Are you ready to face life alone?? Once you make your decision, yes I know you said you won't give it up, but please bare with me here, you asked for advice here it is. Any way... After you make a solid choice, then go talk to the person you most trust, and then hopefully they will stand by you, I highly sugessst not the BF (for he seems, wreckless, and irresponsible. On account that he "tried without my knowledge to get me pregnant." - as you put it.) I"m not passing judgement, just clearifying why not to tell him jsut yet, he seems to want to take advantage of you, if he didnt' really mean to get you pregnant, then ok we could place a little more faith in him, but keeping you out of the loop of something like this, well that jsut seems dangerous. Any way i'm rambling, sorry. SO tell some one you trust, and have known for a long time, your closest friend, that you've known for at least like 4 years or so. The longer the better. To break it to your mother, either bring your friend, or not, up to you, but be understanding that she still feels, and sees you to be the little girl she had years ago, try to forgive her for her fears, she must love you a lot to be so conserned with your life. Or maybe she is just conserned with "the Family" image, in which case i honestly wouldn't really worry what she says, cause you can do this on your own. YOu are ready to be an adult, take responsibility, work and look after a baby. But if you mother loves you, try to tell her with a sure of self way, but with love and kindness. Now I'd like to go back a bit to, "my boyfriend and I aren't working out and lied to him saying I wasn't pregnant because he's so convinced this will help us." This I"m not sure but sounds like you are not sure you want to be with him... (the baby is not relevant in this choice, for it's about you and him.) "Hes so convinced this will help us." He sounds like he is looking for a means to an end. In onther words, he thinks that things will get better magically if you get something new, or do something new. But really you can't get better with out realizing it's not good, and that you have to sit down talk things out, and take responsibility for yourself, thus allowing you two to open up, and grow with one another, rather then keep looking for a quick fix, or miricle. I will say yes, it is possible that you both have a child and stay together and are happily ever after. But beware the unforseen. If you can't be happy now, why not??? what is preventing the joy of love??? Please, help me understand your situation better so I can truly advise you, or ignore me, that is fine too, it's your choice. Now back at it... "he told me what happened that night." What did he do, just out of curiousity?? "i finished highschool a couple months early and did my own thing, just finished the online part a little while ago." Good for you, it's not easy to finnish high school, I know like 10 people who didn't, and I strugled with it myself, though college is a little bit easier, no, its more interesting, still hard but I like it more, cause it's more interestin. I love psychology, philosophy, and so much more. But really thats' really cool that you finnished school. "im just trying to be a good person but not for me but for this kid." Trying, no my friend, YOU ARE a good person. YOU ARE smart, and no matter what you choose to do, you always will be. It may seem like a good idea to do things for some one else, but beware, for if you try to live your life to please some one else you may end up resenting them for it. Acctually my mum (not really resents me, but herself.) says thing like, "I gave up so much for you kids to make sure you were happy! " No offence but doeing something for some one else is a very dangerous thing. I"m not saying you can't do things to help others, or "make" them happy (entirly up to them to decide to be happy or not, even if they have depression, take pills that help, talk to a doc, a counseler, and such, make yourself happy.) Do things because that's who you are, and take responsibility for your actions. YOu want to be a good person for you child, what happens if they end up disliking you and you two hardly talk, yeah it's hard, but that is their choice, how would you feel if that happened? The things we like about other people we like about our self, the things we dislike about them, are the things we dislike about ourself. Don't blame the child for your bringing it into this world, don't blame yourself, or anyone, just take responsibility for having it, and be yourself, because that is all you can be, and all that you are. "who knows if i can even have the baby i mean i could miscarry like he said miscarriages happen often and i already had one before." That was then this is now, Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift — that is why it is called the present. Try not to worry, because if you do, then every thing that would have bin enjoyable will become distorted, and you will miss out on the joy of the moment. LIke you may be thinking about what to do, when you baby starts kicking and you'll miss it. To help you with stress go talk to a counseler, I highly advise you (if you don't want to see your BF behind bars.) to omit his age, mind you maybe he needs that, who knows. (sorry that was rude, but I'm trying to lighten the mood a bit.) "when i met him he was one of those always there guys now i have no clue what happened. he quit his job, dropped most of his school and i just want the overachiever back....not the underachiever i just wish i could figure this out" Ok, so, he "was" a great guy now he is just a bum? What do you mean by this statement? I mean, he either is a good guy, or he isn't. Right? What ever he was in the past is not relevant, I mean if he was a great guy and made you happy, would you stay with him if he Beat you?? Or killed some one? What a person did in the past, does not grant them amnesty, mind you the same goes for some one who committed a crime..? Yes, it's true there was a time he may have bin a great guy, he probably still is, but something has changed him and now that is lost. Be careful if you stay with him. I sense a lot of confustion not from you but from him. He sounds dangerous, and unstable. May peace be with you. "Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” |
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WEll yah I know a 8 or 11 year old is not ready!!
But she's not 8 or 11 I understand all that you are sayn but we are tryn to help her NOT ME I know all about what you just said and I agree! I was just telling her my story and how a baby did bring me and my husband together I mean yeah it mite not work for her but iw as just giving her my opinion Not a damn science lecture!! And damn I know about what if he died I ve have many people close to me die so don't get me started there!! |
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Originally Posted by riahlink
Just to keep things clear I"m not talking science, i'm talking Philosophy, and moreals. What do you believe...??? As for your many losses, I'm sorry. (I know this is from star wars, and it's not real, but some of the philosophies of the JEDI are rather intelegent, so it may not be for you, but for me, it hits home. Especialy since i to have lost loved ones. "Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is.” - Yoda. But I would like to ask how did your child bring you together?? If you don't mind my asking... Peace be with you my friend. |
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Counseling for a situation like this might be helpful. Sometimes its nice to have an outside professional opinion. I wouldn't omit anything, though. Counseling does no good if you aren't completely honest. They can't help you if you don't tell them all of it. I would listen to Jesushelper though, before you tell everyone and start making decisions I would take a test. A couple months ago I was sure I was pregnant cause I'm never late and I was 3 weeks late but I was wrong. It happens. Without taking a test and seeing a doctor you can't be sure. If you are pregnant don't abort it if you don't want to. No one has the right to tell you to do something like that! You're young, but you sound you have a good head on your shoulders. If you are pregnant and you decide to keep the baby, will your family support you? Will they let you live at home? Most parents are going to be disappointed and upset to find out that their 16 year old is pregnant, but when you've made the decision to keep it or adopt it out they're likely to be more supportive than you think. They're human too, I'm sure they just want what's best for their little girl. And I bet deep down they will be excited to have a grandbaby. It might takes sometime but they'll probably come around. God knew what he was doing when he made it so you're pregnant for 9 months. It takes that much time sometimes for everyone involved to wrap their heads around the idea and to get prepared.
I must ask though what do you mean by "he tried without my knowledge to get me pregnant"? Someone that doesn't respect you and your wishes and would pull something like that doesn't really love you. Did he put a hole in a condom? Not pull out(doing the pull out method)? If it's the later, hate to break it to you but pull out method doesn't work and is not a real form of birth control. I wish the best of luck to you and your baby! |
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Originally Posted by riahlink
That you made a success of your experience is good for you. But the fact is that most teen pregnancies don't have happy endings. So encouraging them, as you did, is not giving out the best advice. |
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Dear Pregnant girl, I am a mom of 4 kids and I am young, I had my first child at 18.. and the dad turned out to be a looser... anyway.. I know how hard it can be to raise a child and I think of all the opertunities I missed because I had a child... I am 30 yrs old... my oldest is 11 and my youngest(unplanned) is 2... I am still in college... seems like I will never finish. I had to recently quit (yet again) because of child care situation. I don't know about how supportive your family is, but I do not have any family at all... and it takes a village to raise a child... at this time I am going to stay home till my kids are all in school... My husband of 10 yrs just got a big promotion so we can afford for me to stay home... I actually considered abortion with my youngest... She was actually a child of rape... so you can see why I thought this. I am really glad I kept her and couldn't imagine my life without her... However, had I not had any kids at all I would be very successful and rich. Because I would have finished school and all. College is very important... so don't quit. You are a very smart girl and you have a good head on your shoulders... you will know what is best thing. If all else fails, I would always welcome a new baby in my home.
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I was 16 when I got pregnant with my son & 17 when I had him. I was still in high school & working at mcdonalds for like 6 bucks an hr. I had no money saved & didn't even drive at this point. I was scared less. Thank god my mom & boyfriend were there to help me. You have to calm down with the stressing. Things will be OK. I moved in with my boyfrined who I had then been with for 2 1/2 yrs & he was my only sex partner. We are now married & my son is three. I am currently pregnant again with a little girl & I my kids mean the world to me. In some cases I think its good to have your kids when your younger. Some won't agree but I think if your mature enough then it actual works out better when they are older. I hope I helped!
good luck =] |
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