[codelle1]

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a yr now and no matter what I can never ever ever have an orgasm. I've heard that riding can make you... anyone know why and how I can try to get off!

[Choux]

A year is a long time.

Instead of thinking how you "can get off", perhaps you want to find another mindset that is less like work and business?

I think I would recommend getting in touch with your very individualistic passion! What really turns you on, like electricity to your clitoris. :D

If you need help getting started, read erotica... NO porn. Get to know yourself... what passions you.


Best wishes,

[hollylovesbrandon]

I think Choux gave excellent advice, as usual. You need to get in touch with yourself and what makes you feel good, excited and all. Touch your body and find out what turns you on. Maybe buy a vibrator and see if that works. If so, then you at least know it's possible.

[kp2171]

Have you ever had an orgasm. With another? With self stimulation? With oral? How old are you. Previous partners? Are you using birth control? Sexual history helps. etc...

Different people can respond differently to some positions... woman on top can let you control pressure and angles more to your liking than on bottom. My partner favors this to missionary... other positions can let you self stimulate while he is in you.

Being mentally in the moment, as already mentioned, is crucial in many cases... and this doesn't mean really wanting an orgasm... in the mood and in the moment aren't the same. In the mood means you are excited about the prospect of sex and what it can bring. In the moment means you are able to fully experience it by releasing all barriers, physical and mental. My partner can desire an orgasm but if she cannot release herself to the moment, it is much more difficult, if not impossible, to get her there.

Foreplay, in my mind, is commonly tied to things that aren't necessarily productive toward getting a woman properly prepared for sex. For ex... kissing and necking and breast play are all fine... but, as I've said here over and over, if I want my partner to have an orgasm I need to spend 20 or so minutes on her before I ever kiss her deeply. Rub her body down head to toe and give her time to relax, give her body time to release the chemicals that causes her skin to sensitize, blood to flow to areas of "interest", it makes an incredible difference in how long it takes to get her to orgasm.

Seriously, there's been times when 20 minutes of sensual touch and tension building preceded a mere few minutes of sex before she hit orgasm. Meaning her body and mind were already amped strongly before sex started.

If I go after her neck too soon, the body gets used to it and even if it still feels good, it isn't as amped. Saving that sensation to scale you over a plateau is sometimes better. I'm not saying drop all the things you love about foreplay and hold back.. I am saying maybe hold back a few things... and introduce more sensual touch and tension into your foreplay.

And then there are all the other mental issues that can get in the way. Stress. Frustration. Even not having an orgasm can make it harder to have one. What a rotten cycle that is.

So... again... can you have an orgasm ever? With a different lover? By self stim? Helps to know.

Your mind is simply your biggest errogenous zone. As others mentioned, perhaps you aren't using it as you need to be using it. Getting lost in the moment where you can shut out the world and feel all that is happening to you in bed is often the best way to get closer to the big O.

And then there's different techniques, things to try, etc.

A lot of things can come into play here. Don't be too frustrated. Maybe you've just been doing the same things the same way and getting the same results. Likewise, if he doesn't get any direction, he might not be able to help you much. Every lover I had was different, wanting different things, even if there were some overlap... sometimes what pushed one woman over the top made the next one tell me "stop doing that!"

So... start with yourself and answer the questions I asked.

[MOWERMAN2468]

Hmm, quit trying so hard. It will happen sooner or later. Try additional stimulation during intercourse.

[codelle1]

We've been dating for a yr don't get me wrong the sex is great I just never... ill try your suggestions though

[SingingNun]

This is going to sound weird, but the male supplaments (some of them) for sex problems also work for women. What they do is increase blood flow to that area of the body which helps aid in sensation, climax etc. (This is extremely simplistic explaination)

I had troubles all my life having orgasims as a woman. Then I met my fiancée (now ex) who was determined to help me while not letting me keep think I was failing as a woman and as a lover. I did take Yohimbe, and it did start helping after about a week for me - all people are different, so it may take more or less for you. He actually set aside times that were just for me (we had times that were just for him also) where he would help me and we would see what was working and kick out what wasn't.

After three weeks I had my first one then it got easier from there, to the point were it was possible during love making also.

Up to this point I had significant diffculties during my life with this issue. Even with patient partners I had problems and rarely had them.

I also had sexual tramua in my life that may have lead to my difficulties. If this is true for you then you need to find a way to work through them. In the end I didn't need to see a sex counselor but this maybe something that you need to do.

Don't ever be embarrassed by it - keep working with your boyfriend and giving him feedback and make sure that there are times set aside just for him so he doesn't feel like sex is all work. It shouldn't be - it should be fun work. :)

[Synnen]

Please do not use chat speak in the Adult Sexuality forums.

Any further chat speak will be deleted.