[Ash123]

Your girlfriend (or boyfriend) has just said it's not working out. Now what?

You are not too pleased. You had planning on spending a life together - or at least the next 9 months! You had a routine and they were the center of it. You felt like you had one part of your life figured out... Now what?

You don't want to feel like a fool for calling, chasing, pleading, texting, emailing... But then again, your brain needs answers - and your ego is NOT happy! When someone breaks your heart you cannot exactly ever feel like a hero - or act like one, but you can be one to yourself in the long run. Here's how:

1) If you have some real questions, ask them. You may not like the answers but you will learn something in the long run.

2) There is a very good chance this is NOT the person for you. And though it hurts, they are doing you a favor. Do you want the guilt of dumping them? Believe it or not, the guilt can be worse.

3) If you feel like showing up at their house is the only way to get answers - call first. Then wait 3 days. If a neutral place is better - offer that. Say you need to talk and state a time. If they have given you the silent treatment they may have to deal with standing up like an adult.

4) write all the emails and texts you want - just don't send them.

5) When you feel the urge to chase, call a friend or go to your parents. Channel that need for compatibility with people that like and care for you.

6) When you want to yell, call a friend or go to your parents. Channel that need for compatibility with people that like and care for you.

7) When you want to cry. Go ahead. Get it out.

8) Don't linger too long once your questions have been answered. But don't feel guilty for asking them. (Note: the less you say and do - the better**)

9) Don't feel guilty about thinking about them every second. It's natural. It's our brains trying to find a reason... There is NOT one. It's just a random personal decision. So, as your brain sorts it out, stay busy with movies, books and trips and friends. Keep your brain OCCUPIED.

10) Your presence will not make them want you more. It's your lack of presence that will make them pause. So, get moving. In the other direction.
Even if you never reunite, they'll have a lot more to think about your disappearance than you parked in the drive or looking them up... your stock will plummet -
and you are better than that!

Feel free to add your own tales of: chasing too much or mastering the non-chase. None of it's easy. That's why we have a whole forum on relationships!!!

[freeatlast1]

Great advice!

[Lovelee]

I love your post! I agree that you need to give that person space. Lack of communication I've found from previous experience can do wonders.

[Ash123]

An example.

I once was so irked by a girl not communicating for a few days that I decided to go over and leave her things from my place and break up. As I drove to the driveway, she was passing me going the other direction. So, we couldn't talk. And I went home and stewed. Turns out I just missed making a fool of myself.

She had a family crisis and had not charged phone and called later.

Lesson: The universe doesn't want us to force things. Fight "the follow"