[brokenalone]

This is going to be long and anyone that responds will be greatly appreciated.

I would like to start by saying I think my girlfriend has an emotional disability. Everyone I know from girls to guys has agreed with me on this one. I believe she might be bi-polar. She goes from ecstatically happy to infuriated to depressed and back in the span of a few hours. Now I don't know if this is causing it and I'm not sure what to say to her to get her to go to the doctor. Any way on to my real issues...

This probably sounds lame but this is my first girlfriend, I met her at 16 and am now 18, we've been dating for 2 years and everything was amazing... of course we have our little nit-picks and pointless arguments but who doesn't?

Now all of a sudden she brings up that she wants to "experiment" with other people. Yes, we were both virgins and yes we are not anymore. We were both our "firsts". She said its not exactly that she wants to have sex with other people but that she needs her "space". I completely understand the need of space and respect the fact she needs it. But is screwing around with other people considered space? I also understand the "curiosity" factor. Example: I see girls at work that I fantasize about but I keep it to myself. Its my thing and bringing it up to her would make things worse. Her on the other hand has NEVER kept anything from me and I say this with the most confidence. She says she feels guilty about fantasizing while she's with me. I personally think its bull****, but what do I know?

I personally believe this idea of hers could prove good and help our relationship, but at the same time it could destroy it. I also feel I don't need anyone but her to make me happy... She says she loves me to death, would do anything for me, and all that, but how do I know if she's telling the truth? I don't believe her to be the kind of girl who could do this to me. She's way to sweet, innocent, and kind. She's been there for me through EVERYTHING! I personally have had a very rough life the past 2 years and was very luck to have stumbled upon her. She's bailed me out of hard times and has been there for me to fall on when I needed someone the most. I cannot see her doing this to me.

Yes our relationship has grown extremely fast and this is dangerous in some ways. It was kind of forced to grow this fast. When I say my life has been rough it HAS been. I've had deaths of family and friends, been kicked out multiple times, jobless for a good span of time, lost 2 cars, come close to doing time, and just plain being stupid. But no matter what I've done she's always been there. In return of course I can't get her many nice things because I'm broke, but I KNOW how to give my love and I do it. I don't think she actually realizes how much she means to me and how much I've given/lost for her.

I can NOT lose this girl. She is my everything, she's what's keeping me going. I've never met anyone like her and can honestly say I might not ever again. I know you older people might laugh at this and say there's a million fish in the sea, but this is the catch you only get once...

Is there a way to save our relationship by slowing it down? Is this a phase? Is she serious? Is she testing me to see if I'll actually go through with it and bang some other chick? I have no idea and need serious help. Any answers are welcome. If clarity is needed I will be more than happy to emphasize.

[ajhastings88]

OK you lost me at bang some other chick? But anyway.. give her her space, she asked for it give exactly what she asked for. That means Go NC ( no Contact ) RIGHT NOW. Silence is the loudest thing ever heard to man. IF she comes back she was your to begin with, if she doesn't that means there is something better on its way. It takes time. My girlfriend was just like your girl.. just leave, let her know that you can live your life just fine without her. And when I say no contact I mean NO CONTACT. You will see what happens. Trust me she will try to make you feel bad as hell, but she asked for space, give it to her. Remember stay strong..

[brokenalone]

Well she's confusing me, I believe in the NC thing and am really going to try it. Its just we've never been more than a day w/o seeing each other (we work together now) so that's going to make it harder for me. She's also my ride to work (have no car and no other way :( ) I also have to go pick her up from work in a few hours, so I think I'll start the NC thing ASAP but how am I going to do that when I work with her and she's my ride? I figured that would be the answer and any others will be appreciated.

[Chery]

I think you need to get a little distance for yourself. You've told me that she has done a lot for you and you probably feel you can't do anything right without her. Guess what - that's an awful burden to place upon her. Maybe she needs you to show her that you can stand on your own and feel confident instead of clingy. Girls don't like clingy and needy guys - it gets tired after a while when she feels she is the one who holds the partnership together. So take up some responsibility of your own, regain some independence and show her that you can be there for her too if and when she finally needs someone.

A partnership is BOTH of you being able to be strong for each other, not a one-way street at all.

Obviously you can't go total NC because you work together and share transportation, but let her know that the world will not end if you have to provide other transportation for yourself sometimes and that you can stand on your own two feet if necessary.

Give her as much space as you can and let her get to know other people without you always being there because if you are constantly around how can she reflect on how much she feels for you and finds time to miss you. Missing someone is also part of growing in a relationship - you need to give her that chance.

Good luck.



We all go though our harships.. it depends on how we accept and cope with them that counts... show her that you can be strong and on your own for a while... be a man.

[SmartNsexa]

I think you both are too young for until death do us part, that you should get to know other people and maybe tinking a 30 day "break" would facilitate that, however the silent treatment will only hurt her feelings. And probably make you miss your best friend.

Why can't you both go out with your friends separately and see where the night leads? You may meet other people and find a healthier relationship looms ahead (in your 30's!) Until then, always wear a raincoat when playing in the rain.

[brokenalone]

Well it turned out one of my friends came over and I ended up dropping the car off at work. I went in, found her and gave her the keys. I said 'here you go, do what you got to do' and left. She seemed a little mad when I just left w/o saying anything. I said bye of course.
After that we went back to my house (my friend and I). We called some people up and decided to go bowling. Around 1020 she walked in the door... I was NOT expecting that. I was hoping to be out of there before she got there cause I knew she was going to have to come to get some of her stuff. Anyway, my friends felt the awkwardness and left to wait in the car... at this point I was my mind was running wild for something to say. I ended up saying something like 'we are going bowling... ' I had no idea to say lol. She looked really upset and at that point my heart was about to crack. I said 'well I'm going to go, if you show up I'm not going to tell you to leave". Was this the wrong thing to say?

Well, I left and of course shed a few tears in the backseat of the car w/o anyone knowing (I can't help it... I'm a sensitive guy :( ) When we finally got there I must admit I did have fun for about an hour. After that though I noticed that every song reminded me of us... The fun ended there. Then on top of it her best friend (which also happens to be a close friend of mine) texts me. I told her what happened and she agreed with me that I did the right thing by not inviting her. Is this true? Could she have really faked the whole almost crying thing? I believe its possible for any other girl to do so, but not this one... I feel like half of the things I did were right but the other half were wrong...

Well I ended up going home and caved... I called her. Please don't flame me. The thing is I don't know if it was good or bad... We ended up talking for about 20 minutes and the things said both clarified and confused me more. She said she still wants me to call her and text her like I normally would. Test? I told her my door is always open and my phone is always on. Was I wrong to say this? And she still ends the call by saying I Love You...

God Help me, because I know I need it...

Edit: Time is 1:52 and she sends me a text... probably going to respond...

I need help :( lol

[ajhastings88]

Don't DO IT. If your going to be in her life you wint be second, and you won't be her little puppet. Stick with NC, I am not going to flame you because I did the same thing too. You are onna mess up. Anyway, Stop contacting her, at all cost. When you need to see her make it short and sweet. You're a free man!! You can do what ever you want. I dare you to go to the club either Friday or Saturday night, and DO NOT Invite her. DO Not TEXT,CALL, EMAIL, Smoke Signle, nothing. Just work on yourself. I am a sensitive guy too but your going to have to stand up man. If she sees that you can live life without her and have fun, and see you making yourself better, while MAnning up. She will start to create that line of contact. You are not her dorrmat, or her little dog. Don't answer to her becon call. Don't text or call her like you used to, let her initiate contact, and you keep it short. And when she says I love you, just say, "there is a diffrence between being in love, and loving me. So if your not in love with me, cancel the statement, beacuse i already know you love me".

[JBeaucaire]

You're right. She's one of a kind. You'll never catch another fish like her at all. I certainly hope that is exactly true because your future is FULL of yummier, sexier, funner, surprising, refreshingly mature, non-needy, ambitious, tasty fish like you have no idea.

Stop fiddlin' around with this and let it rest awhile. Check out the supermarket and see what other fresh fish is available. You're not going to believe how good it is.

[ka1111]

This sh!t is so common,I think there's like ONE woman on the planet cloned 2.5 billion times.. Jeez..

Dude,whenever a woman asks something from you,do it,but do it ten fold,like, "I want some ice cream",get her ten ice creams,or "I want sex" ,do her 10 times (well OK... ).

She wants space?F-ing Disappear.Give her so much f-ing space she gets agoraphobic.

And grow a pair by the way.

[talaniman]

Don't stretch this out to some soap opera, she wants space so give it to her and find other things to do, like buying a car.

Its one thing to break up with someone, its another to keep torturing someone who has feelings.

Stop the contact as much as you can, being your co workers, but be friendly and polite at work. Texting and talking to her friend will only bring drama and more chaos so stay away from all of it.

[brokenalone]

I just want to start by saying I've posted here before and it's a very helpful site. Its nice to know your not the only one going through these kinds of things and nice to have complete strangers help you out, so thank you in advance.

Well to start things out my girlfriend broke up with me last month and I just couldn't take it, she was my first love and that's always the hardest. Well in order to try and cope with the pain I decided to enlist in the marines. The second I enlisted it started to help. I was getting over her and we were still great friends. She decided to try her luck with someone and he really hurt her. Then about 2 weeks ago she came to me pouring her heart out to me saying she was sorry for everything and she loved me. I was strong, I told her I was NOT going to get back into things with her unless she was ready to commit. By that I mean standing by my side and being able to wait for me while I was away. She swore up and down saying I'm sorry, I love you and I promise. I even told her to take a few days, she refused. She said she was ready now and needed me... I believed her, of course I did because I love her. I took her back.

Everything was going great, we had sex like rabbits and loved it. We hung out and were happy... for a week... One day she told me she wanted to break up because she "has feelings for someone else" and because she "wants to know shes with me for the right reasons".. What the hell does that mean? I freaked out... I said a lot of I wish I didn't, called her names and was just an . I've never done that to her and it hurt a lot, I apologized but I think I messed things up for good... I need help :(

[chuff]

One day she told me she wanted to break up because she "has feelings for someone else" and because she "wants to know shes with me for the right reasons".. What the hell does that mean?

That is a low down, dirty, bottom feeding, garbage dump, vultures way of saying, I've tested you and I know you will be taking me back if I dump you so I'm going to keep you on the back burner while I try my hand at this new guy and when he dumps me I'll run back to you and tell you, you were the one for me all along.

I freaked out... i said alot of i wish i didn't, called her names and was just an . I've never done that to her and it hurt alot, i apologized but i think i messed things up for good... i need help :(

First, let me say, she did deserved it. She deserved to know that you are not her emotional whipping boy. I know I'm not supposed to say that but it's true. Second, you did not in any way owe her anything and certainly not an apology. Screw her. All she is doing is using you as her permanet back up plan and when she gets used by somebody else she has you there to catch her from her emotional fall. The entire time she doesn't give a damn about you.

[brokenalone]

I see your point, thing is I'm worried about myself for once lol. I know boot camp is going to distract me from this whole thing but at night when all I have is the engulfing darkness of the barracks I'm going to think of her. I hear you though. My mom said what months tof you guys said, NC all the way. Its hard though you know? She also said just concentrate o the Marines for now, getting in shape, running, working out. That's what I'm trying to do and I hope it works. The tiest part is that I was getting over her and she pulled me back in :(

[chuff]

Dude, I think your going to be so worn out at the end of the day you won't have time to think about her. In fact during my last break up I spent hours at the gym trying to get myself tired. Okay that's me at the gym, you are a Marine, your going to be ten times more worn out.

It almost sounds like your worried about the worry. By that I mean you get yourself worked up about how this is going to happen and if you keep it up your brain will follow. Think of all the good things this will bring you, and since girls love men in uniform, I'm pretty sure new women are one those new things coming in your life.

[Romefalls19]

Trust me, my cousin is over in Iraq serving our country. He doesn't have time to even think about taking a pee let alone what his fiancée is doing. And that's not even boot camp, you will be too tired to worry

[brokenalone]

Hell yea, that's actually one of the things I was looking forward to when we first broke up, the women lol. Especially since she was my first and only lol. And as bad as it sounds I am curious and I know she is too.

I keep trying to tell myself these things to try and help me out. Another thing I just remembered is I'm having 2 going away parties. One is for the family, one for my friends. My mom said she wants to invite her because she feels she's part of the family. I obviously have no objection because I want to see her but how should I treat her when I see her? Or how should I act? Also, should I even invite her to the one for my friends? She knows when it is and where so she could possibly just show up because she was originally invited... so confused lol

[Fredj88]

You're a Hall of fame quarterback don't play backup.

[brokenalone]

your a Hall of fame quarterback don't play backup.

? Kind of condfused about this one lol. Explain?

[brokenalone]

Never mind I got the point

[brokenalone]

Damn... I'm so lost, I feel OK for like an hour then ill see or hear something that reminds me of her and then ill think of all the good things we shared, then ill think of the guy she's hangin out with... how can someone fall for someone overnight? Its ridiculous, one minute she's saying she loves me to death and the next she's saying she wants to break up cause of some guy she just met...

I think I forgot to mention that 2days ago I fooled around with another girl, we were broken up already for a week by the way, but she found out and freaked out on me. I told her she's the one who's the whore, she's been with 5 guys since me, granted we were broken up in that time but she cheated on me once. Why do I still have feelings for her? All signs point that I shouldn't but I love her so damn much... according to her I shouldn't have done anything with this girl because I said I loved her and that she was my world. I did say this but she's messing around with some guy too. She said its OK for her because she told me she had feelings for him... how does that make sense?

God I wish there was a way to just make everything better, its only been 1 day since the big fight but I miss her to death and can't stop thinking about what she's doing and what she's doing with this guy. Its killing me :(