[Toluca_86]

So this situation I asked some questions about a few months ago. But things have changed, slightly, and I'm fishing for some fresh opinions. It's a little hard to follow, but hopefully I've made it clear enough.

I was in a city in the fall for a few months. I met a guy early on and we met up for drinks first, as just like a "let's hangout thing". We hit it off, personality-wise, and he acted like he wanted to hookup at the end of the first get together. I didn't go for it, and we hung out a few more times casually. I perpetuated the casual nature of what we were doing as much or more than him. I felt comfortable with him. He was complimentary, sweet, we seemed to have stuff in common, he introduced me to his friends (not as a date -except to his 2 best friends). I initiated a couple of hookups -we made out and some oral (I guess you could say he was generous in bed). All this happened over about -2 months, with a long- meetup once every week or two.

Right after the oral he texted me about looking forward to meeting up again. Not more than two days later, I was reading his blog (which he didn't know I knew of at that point) and him gushing about his first two dates with another woman, who he called "D" in the blog. I asked him about it, and he said he'd enjoyed dating someone he was "comfortable" with (referring to me) without "trying to build it up into anything" but now he'd met someone he "really liked" and he wasn't comfortable "being physical with more than one person at a time". So that kind of sucked, but I just figured I'd wanted the physical stuff with him and never asked him what he thought about me or what he wanted overall, so I wasn't too mad. Then he asked if we could be friends who met up occasionally, and I said "yeah". Then we went out to drinks with another friend of his and probably had as much fun together that evening as we'd ever had. He started IMing me weekly.

Fast forward a month or two. I went to a party he was at. He was there with a woman named "N" who he was making out with. I felt sh1tty, but figured "eh, what did I expect" so I still didn't feel too mad. I read his blog and he was talking about how he hoped he could see "D" again soon. So at that point, I figured either "D" had to be some code name for "N" or else he'd lied to me about the not wanting to be physical with two people at once part.

Well, I left to go to school, and we had this exchange where he said he hoped we could stay in touch, and I was like: I didn't really expect you to ask that, I find you entertaining but I don't think we know each other all that well. And he was like: I'm glad to know you and I hope we can get to know each other better.

And we continued to have some flirty-ish IMs where he was complementing me and occasionally fishing for complements. Once he IMed me just to ask me if I was ever told I reminded people of a certain model/actress.

Fast-forward 6 months. I was looking at some online photos "N" had posted, and realized that this guy and "N" had been hanging out at least as friends, since at least 7 months before I met this guy. So now I figure he /has/ to have lied about something. (Either "N" and "D" /were/ different people and he lied about not wanting to date multiple people at once /or/ "N" and "D" /were/ the same person and he lied to me about saying he'd "met someone" because actually he'd known her far longer than he'd known me, and for all I know he'd just been waiting to get up the courage to ask her out or something.) Also, there is now a very artistic picture of a naked woman on his online profile (one he doesn't know I know of), and while it is hard to tell from the angle, it looks a lot like "N". Yet, both "N" and this guy currently list themselves as "single" in their online profiles.

Another detail is that, although he's complimentary, I feel like he may have been out of my league physically, and I worry that was a factor, and that he's just BSing me when he compliments me.

I'm back in the city now, where he is, but I haven't told him I'm here, as I'd once upon a time planned to, because of many of the above reasons. I feel like this whole situation is such a mind-fck. He was always great fun to hang out with, but I definitely don't want to be friends with a frequent liar, especially if they do it for self-serving purposes. I could just ignore him and do my best to get on with my life, I know that. But what about confronting him to try getting the truth straight from him? What would you say were you in my position?

[JBeaucaire]

I think the choices are:

Ignore all this silliness, move on and get back to a mature life without him,
---or
Confront him, then move on and get back to a mature life without him.

They both end the same way, so I'd opt to pass on the additional drama of confronting. Just move on, don't look back except to reference what you did and don't want to repeat.

[N0help4u]

Sounds like he is not interested in being with any girl in a serious relationship. If he is it is not with you.
Remind yourself friends only or forget it. If you let him be in a physical relationship he is going to feel he has the best of all worlds and never look at you in any serious type relationship so you have to remind yourself friends only with no benefits or move on without him.

[plonak]

Ok so why are you putting so much effort into snooping on his life? I know that blogs are available for everyone on the internet to read, but still.. why such a need to snoop.. you guys had no commitment to each other.. I just find it kind of odd that you're even snooping on "N"'s website too.. would you like it if he looked on here reading all the stuff you're posting? Probably not

Just forget the guy, I know you think you had a connection with him, but he clearly doesn't want a serious relationship now.. and stop putting yourself through torture by reading all that on line crap..

You seem to have a low self esteem, you should work on that.. move on.. don't waste anymore of your time on this guy.

[Toluca_86]

"Ok so why are you putting so much effort into snooping on his life?? I know that blogs are available for everyone on the internet to read, but still.. why such a need to snoop.. you guys had no commitment to each other.. i just find it kind of odd that you're even snooping on "N"'s website too.. would you like it if he looked on here reading all the stuff you're posting?? probably not"

I wouldn't like it if he read this stuff, but I could live with it. It's not like I was unfair to him or anything, or lied to him about anything. If anything I was /nicer/ than I needed to be. And if I hadn't "snooped" I wouldn't know that he lied to me. And I'm glad I know, frankly. I think if you're going to be friends with someone you deserve to know something about them, and to be able to trust them. So do you think I am more screwed up for "snooping" than he is screwed up for lying? (And not to mention, it wasn't as though I had to crack some code or was looking at something he meant to keep private. It was all public access stuff. I think whether it truly constitutes "snooping" is debatable. The internet opens up all sorts of new possibilities. I think these days you're almost dumb /not/ to do online searches for the person you're dating)

"he clearly doesn't want a serious relationship now"

I /never/ wanted a serious relationship. What I /wanted/ was respect, straightforwardness, honesty, and fun. If he hadn't said he wanted to get to know me better after he started dating the other person, I wouldn't have really pursued a friendship either, and all this would have stopped mattering much months ago...