[bigbird213]

Hello All,

I just wanted to start a thread and get people's opinions about making assumptions and jumping to conclusions about their ex's. We all know that the purpose of NC is to keep away from information about our exs, but it is unavoidable at some point that we might hear the slightest bit of info about them...

How do you handle it? I know personally I have a terrible time trying to stop my mind from creating scenarios that haven't happened. These scenarios then play in my head over and over again really delaying my healing process...

Any other people feel this?

[wantu]

Yeah I feel the same way you feel but there's a solution for this.let me tell you that involve in different activities that you like/or you feel interesting.Interact with different people,take interest in things that you don't like.I hope you will get away from this situetion soon.I have been facing similer problems but now I have overcomed.

[Distantlove]

Of course you will unintentionally find out something about your ex during NC, but you can't help it. That's why you need ways to deal with it. Join a club, partake in activities, go to the gym etc, this will reduce the amount of times you find something out about your ex because you are preoccupied. If you do end up thinking about your ex, think about why you broke up. Think about why it didn't work, and that you are honestly better without. Meet new people, don't miss out on the opportunity to really find 'the one.' you will soon look back at your ex and know that it wasn't meant to be. All you can do is keep yourself busy! Goodluck :)

[bigbird213]

Yep,

Keeping busy is the key. Sometimes an active mind isn't so great lol

[Kitty1978]

Well, for me, I have cancled all my contacts to our common friends, deleted his name from my Yahoo and Facebook and everywhere, even asked my sister to do so, so that I wouldn't know what he is doing, with whom he is and his new girlfriend... I know if I have access to his profile I would go and check, but I did that so I can not check from that way... but I can not close people mouth, fortunately I don't need to meet people who we both knew...

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Isn't the human mind a wonderful thing.. haha I almost see it as a design flaw that we can be so effected by a breakup. We know its over and that we have to and want to move on and yet we keep hurting ourselves by thinking this way, and really we don't even have control over it. I'd really like to read a study on why we think about lost love for such a long time and why it affects us the way it does.

Love is such a powerful emotion... Such an amazing and euphoric one when it touches you, and such a horribly depressing and saddening one when it scorns you.

But like everyone said, keeping busy is the best way, don't really know any other way. I find sometimes though that keeping too busy doesn't help either, sometimes you just got to feel it on your own. (thats just me though)

I was talking to my friends mom about this (shes a psychiatrist) and she said that you are not truly going to be over her until you develop those romantic feelings for another... Makes sense... :S Going to have to be one hell of a girl this time around!

[simoneaugie]

Wow, this has not touched my life, and I'm grateful. My ex's are all either still my friends, lost to the world or so sad and silly that they don't cause any pain.

We do not own, or have rights to any one, ever. If they pass through our lives, it is a good (maybe wonderful) and interesting thing. When they leave our side, it does not reflect on our own worth. Love your ex, let him be.

[confused1145]

I have struggled with the same issue and still do at timees. I have NC with my first love of8 years who just happens to be the father of my son and I'm always hearing something about him. I don't let it get to me as much anymore, but it does have an effect on me at times. I try to keep my mind on the ones I love now and other important things to me. Laughing it off tends to help in some situations. I agree with the others, try to surround yourself around new people and try to find something to keep your mind occupied.

[talaniman]

As you grow, and learn about yourself, and how to cope with your feelings, you will recognize what to do to stay happy, and balanced, and separate facts from fiction. We all can get down, and have a bad day, but knowing what to do about it will get you through most anything, especially when you know for a fact that a situation is only temporary, or you feel you know where the feelings come from.

[CAgirl21]

I know exactly what you mean- I had a similar moment of Facebook induced paranoia tonight and even my most sympathetic friend thought the conclusions I drew were absolutely crazy. Allow me to share a story from my last last break up (which was mutual and mostly friendly) where I was in month 2 of NC and saw something a girl said on my ex's profile about a date. Needless to say, I freaked out and after a futile attempt at reasoning out of it, I emailed him a short and very curt question about the comment. Also needless to say, he was pissed that I broke NC in that way and I was completely and utterly embarrassed at how crazy and accusatory I must have sounded.

So I try to remember this moment when I jump to conclusions and think about acting impulsively on them. As for the act of jumping to conclusions itself... I haven't quite figured it out except that it simply takes time to stop caring whether the worst case scenario you can possibly come up with is true (he finds "the one" or goes on a few dates or makes a new friend or just sleeps with anyone who's willing). Oh and all that deleting of accounts and stuff helps too. :)

[bigbird213]

I found recently that when I stop and think about my friends that I have and the separate life I worked to maintain I feel better about myself as well.

Some of the pain, no doubt, is from the hit your ego and yourself esteem takes from the breakup. Needless to say, thinking about what you still have in your life makes you feel a little more worthy of happiness..