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baseballwidow · Jun 20, 2008, 03:43 PM

I love my husband, but I feel so alone all the time. Everything is about him. He moved us over 1300 miles to a place I had never even been (although he went twice to the new area, once with his mother and once with his friend) to where there is no family and then spent five years without working while I worked 1 or 2 jobs the entire time. I feel as though everyone comes before me. He only spends time with me until a better offer comes along. Also, we haven't had marital relations in over 6 months because he has no interest in me. I want to alleviate the problem but we have four kids and don't know if I want to put them through a divorce. My question is: has anyone else dealt with this type of marital problem and how did they eradicate it?

George_1950 · Jun 20, 2008, 03:49 PM

Welcome to AMHD. Sounds like lots of trouble; maybe marital counseling for you would be beneficial, with a local mental health clinic or a trained pastor. You must ultimately decide whether to fish or cut bait, so why wouldn't you want to put them through a divorce or separation? A trial separation is what comes to mind: he leaves and you stay home with the kids. You didn't describe the baseball widow issue.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 20, 2008, 03:51 PM

Why is he not working, and why did you move if he did not have a job to go there. But is he staying at home with the kids as a full time stay at home dad ? But the term, get a job or get out comes to mind to me.

baseballwidow · Jun 20, 2008, 04:01 PM

Chuck,

He finally got a job about six months ago, but looks to be in danger of losing that job because he takes too much time off to be involved in his favorite activity: baseball (whether it be little league, college or mlb). Prior to our move he worked for 17 years as a quality inspector for an aerospace company and was laid off after a sell out of his division. Rather than moving to a place where he could get the same type of work he moved us to a remote town in Montana. Yes, he did stay at home with the kids but slept while the small children went unsupervised. Actually the police were once at the house because while he had our children (4 of them who were 5 and under) plus two of their friends he went to sleep and they trashed the house (which they thought was an emergency) so they called 911 to get help to clean the house.

At this time, I am staying home with the kids (by the way, his excuse for not working was that he couldn't trust me to stay home with the kids. That's what he told other people. But when he wanted to go somewhere or do something he had no problem leaving the kids with me.

That is part of the problem. Financially, I can't see any way of being able to get out and honestly it's gotten so bad I'm not sure I trust myself anymore to do the right thing.

N0help4u · Jun 20, 2008, 06:45 PM

With my ex, I was about #9 on his priority list. We had moved from Pa. to Texas and lived there for about 6 years. He bought a Suburban in July. Labor day weekend he took off for the weekend with his buddies. I packed up the kids and drove back to Pa. He didn't even realize I had left until over a week later.
In the 8 years we were together he would only treat me right for three months --ONLY AFTER the four times I left him. But he ALWAYS went right back to everything else comes first.
He would lay on the couch grouching at the kids and being all miserable. Then one of his friends would knock on the door and he would jump up all cheerfully laughing and take off out the door.