[almostgrownup]

I have two daughters 6 and 7 years old. Their mom is deaf, they are hearing. I am hearing. I come from an abusive household so things like family time and being part of their lives are the most important things to me. The kids tell me she comes home once a week, she goes to school in D.C. But really she is out playing college kid at 31 years old. My girlfriend of 3 years has become a large part of our lives, and her frustration with the way their mom is is actually eatng her and I up as well. We are moving at the end of this month, but we don't have a place yet. My full time job is up at the end of this month so I have to find a new one. I work as a bouncer a few nights a week part time, and I staff pools while I am doing the other two jobs. As well as have to manage the girls lives and communicate with a completely irrational deaf woman who is neglecting my/our children. And the girls are not hellians, they're aawesome. Truly awesome. My girlfriend and I have all but stopped having sex, nurturing each other, taking time for ourselves. All of this almost came to ahead the other day when the girls' mom came to pick them up. And my girlfriend almost went after her. Welll not almost... did, but I stopped her. Emotionally, physicall, I am worn out. Physically I get so run down I sometime sit there staring blankly into my computer reminding myself to just breathe. Add the emotional stress of my family, my girlfriend, the kids, three jobs, people constantly wanting more and more from me. I often will have a drink to try to go to sleep, to stop worrying, I don't like that. I have put on weight, my relationship with my girlfriend is crap. And today on the metro I honestly got worried I was going to die right there. What is that? I'm attacking myself? I was literally forcing air in and out of my lungs. I felt like the guy next to me was stealing my air. I was never like that before, what is happening to me? And what do I do about all of this? Someone, Anyone please help me, what is wrong with me, and what do I do now?

[N0help4u]

You say the kids tell you she comes home once a week because she is going to school.
Are her parents, or who, watching them while she is at school?
You say they are really awesome kids.
What is the problem that is upsetting you so much then?
You can only do what you can do and if it isn't enough you need to figure out some things to remedy the situation. Like if you feel they are being neglected can you go to court and try for full custody once your own situation settles?
Sounds like you might be having anxiety attacks as well as stress.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, first if she is not raising the cihldren why are they not with you ? Why have you not gone to court to get at least temp or 1/2 custody of them.

Next you are divorced or separated or what ever, but what she does, should not be one concern of yours and not sure where her being deaf has anything to do with it.

But you schedule your time with the kids, and don't care what their mom is doing as long as the person raising them is watching them.

Next you take time for your currect relationship, neglecting your current partner is the best way to have another ex.

[Choux]

This has got to stop before you fall apart.

First of all, your girlfriend is a problem here... she has to back off all this emotionality; the children are your responsibility, *not hers*. She should be an emotional support *to you*, helping you handle the situation, unemotionally, not looking for a fight and lots of drama like a high school girl having her period.

I think the problem is so serious that you and your girlfriend need to talk this over(her over-emotionality) and have a trial separation for a couple of months.

Remember, you can't change other people... namely their deaf mother... you can only manage your life. YOu have to take it all down a notch so you can think rationally.

Have that girlfriend go live somewhere else for a couple of months.

Best wishes,