[poppysue]

Hi I am new to this but I need despartley some advise.
I have had a loving relationship with my Lesbian partner for 18 years, but ever since the kids have left home my partner has acted as if our relationship is not enough anymore. Suddenly she is accusing me of al sorts, that I am boring, dreary, and never want to do anything and that I am always miserable. Yes these things are true to a certain extend and when I had a horrible day at work or something else happened then yes who would not be miserabel. All of the 18 years my partner did thing and visited places never once have I stopped her no matter what it was. Art foundation course followed by a fine art degree, networking with arty people. When trouble arose from where she works than I stood by her no matter what. Isn't that what you do when you love someone?? A lot of time I went with her too. But sometimes I thought of given her the space that she needed- was that wrong??
She says she loves me but she does not want to continue this relationship BUT also does not want to break up. She is killing me inside with all that confusion. What does she want?? I have asked but all I get is - I don't want to break up but I don't want this relationship anymore, I love you but I want to do thingh when and how I see fit. What I do is not your concern anymore. Help please to make me understand her

[talaniman]

What does she want??

She wants you to change. Often couples go through the empty nest thing, and feel its time to enjoy life after children, but you don't seem to be going along with the program.
She is ready for more, and your not looking for anything else. Looks as if your both going to have to compromise, and balance each others needs, and wants out, so you both can be happy.

What's stopping you from sharing what she finds enjoyable?

[poppysue]

She does stop me from sharing what she has (wants).
She does not want to come near me not a kiss a cuddle and certainley not intimacy.
I miss her and I want so desperatlye to hold her but she does not want me near her.
I don't know how to change if she won't let me. I have made small changes like not watching telly anymore being less frustrated when I get in from work (like having a smile on my face all the time) suggesting we visit places or just going for a walk allong the beach. All to no avail she does not think it will change for the long term.

[talaniman]

She didn't get this attitude over night, and won't change it overnight.

For your part, recognize your own changes, and be patient as possible, as it does take you both to compromise this issue, and work together. You each should have a very good idea of the others expectations, and that takes talking and listening. I don't think it fair that all the changes be on you though, as she has a part to play also.