[blueflowers123]

My boyfriend has a rule that two nights a week he goes out and drinks with his mates, It did cause problems but I am beginning to accept it. The thing that annoys me is alcohol makes him really horny, so after not seeing him for a day or two, the first thing he really talks about is being horny and sex. Is this normal after drinking? It is just them days after I always feel our sex is for another reason and I feel a bit used. Am I overreacting, or am I right to feel this way? Should I just get on and accept that alcohol makes him horny, he won't change so I may as well get over it and just enjoy it, instead of feeling used? I am a bit unsure as he sort of just expects it now and it's the first thing he mentions.

[excon]

he won't change so I may as well get over it and just enjoy it, instead of feeling used?

Hello blue:

Yup.

excon

[Chameleon]

Well, I might suggest maybe telling him it makes you feel used.

[Choux]

He's drunk... never have sex with a drunk man! Or, a person who has had more than one beer. Drunken sex is all about impersonal sex and being used.

Just lock him out of the apartment on those nights... he can go sleep with his drunken mates.

INSIST that you two have sex when no one has been drinking. If the sex is terrible, you have just learned a valuable lesson, girl.

Best wishes going forward,

[excon]

Hello again:

I don't know. If you look around here, you'll find lots of girls whose guys don't screw 'em at all. I think I'd take what I could get.

excon

[Synnen]

He's drunk...never have sex with a drunk man! Or, a person who has had more than one beer. Drunken sex is all about impersonal sex and being used.

Just lock him out of the apartment on those nights...he can go sleep with his drunken mates.

INSIST that you two have sex when no one has been drinking. If the sex is terrible, you have just learned a valuable lesson, girl.

Best wishes going forward,

I LIKE sex when one or both of us has been drinking. It usually gets a little... wilder... than usual. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, even those in bed. Maybe especially those in bed.

Believe me, it's not impersonal just because someone has had a drink or two. As if we could lose sight of the fact that we're in bed with the person we loved just because alcohol is involved.

And telling someone to lock their significant other out is asking them to cause more problems than it's worth.


How about just trying to TALK with him about it, first? Maybe bring up the fact that you feel like you're being left out until he gets horny enough to come home to you--and what's making him that horny anyway? How about some good old fashioned communication before accusing him of using you and locking him out of the apartment.

[Fr_Chuck]

First I see all sorts of issues with the relationship, first he is going out two nights a week with the mates and you have to just accept it, why is he not taking you or doing things with you? Also going out drinking is the start of almost every major problem we normally get posted here. So first you have him going out two nights a week and you are not happy.

Next of course being out with the guys and most likely talking sex and girls all the time makes him horny and unless you are having sex because you want to, you are being used, and that is never right.

[smoothy]

If he thinks he has to go get drunk a few times a week he has a problem with alcohol. Having a beer or a glass of wine is fine, but getting toasted several times a week on a regular basis is a problem even if you or him won't admit it.

Just tell him no sex when he's been drinking. See what's more important to him, you or the booze?

[Xrayman]

I'd agree that the amount of drinking is borderline alcoholism. Yes you are being used. As Fr Chuck said, I think the issue is his not wanting to take YOU out two nights a week, and his insistence that he is drunk when he returns-ALARM BELLS are ringing.
Time to find another man who will do the exact opposite of what he is doing (If he refuses YOUR requests for decency)