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Dezigna08 · Jun 1, 2008, 02:46 PM

There's this guy I been talking to on and off for about a few months, we met over the internet he lives about an hour away. Before we met, our talking was real iffy there were good convo's but the sexual element entered our convo's too early, we made plans to meet soon after we started taling but I hinted that I just want to take it slow and get to know him and he found some reason to back out of the meeting. He claimed he was having some issues to deal with so he backed off. I didn't chase him or anything but for the next few months he would make small talk that led to nothing. To make a long story short, we recently started talking again and he made it clear he's only looking for a sexual relationship so I told him I understand but he said since its costs him a lot of money to come down to where I live he doesn't want to waste his time if nothings going to happen.. he said if I didn't want to do anything I would have to come to where he lives and we could just hang out, so I agreed. At this point I didn't know what I was going to do a part of me wanted to keep it sexual but another part liked him and didn't want to give in to fast. So I went there I decided to sleep with him because I just wanted to have fun and now I totally regret it. Not that he didn't want to continue he made plans to come see me the following but it never happened- reason for that was he disrespected me and asked if I would have a 3way with him and his friend.. I told him I didn't want to that and he tried to cut me off just because I said no. I told him I was hurt and insulted by that and he apologized but I ignored him for a few days.
I'm not asking for advice on how to "get him back" because clearly I blew it when I slept with him. But right now I feel really bad I'm filled with regret because at that time I was at his house I was afraid if I didn't sleep with him he would get mad because he made it clear him meeting me was based on that even though he gave me the option not to. I still did it regardless and now I feel stupid because that gave him the green light to disprespect me and now I know he won't think of dating me.
I don't know why I make these poor decisions with guys, I've been single for a while and I do want a boyfriend but I all I get is guys who don't want to get to know me they just want to go to bed and when I state I want to take it slow they stop talking to me.
I guess I attract the wrong guys or just don't know how to handle them and direct the situation to my advantage. So now I just feel like sh*t... im really a nice girl but I make stupid choices. Any advice on how to be a better woman and have more control of my interactions with men?

danielnoahsmommy · Jun 1, 2008, 02:48 PM

He never was there to get. He told you what he wanted and made it very clear. Move on. (sorry to sound so harsh)

bigbird213 · Jun 1, 2008, 04:02 PM

The minute he said all he wanted was a sexual relationship you should have taken off. He got what he wanted, and you let him have it. You knew what you were getting into.

JBeaucaire · Jun 1, 2008, 04:52 PM

Time to stop trolling for a boyfriend and dive head first into your good and accomplished life. Set some goals, make some travel plans, get involved in some local activities, join some age-relevant church groups, ANYTHING that gets you around people who are focusing on doing things for other people.

As you develop full confidence in yourself, fill your weekly calendar with useful and meaningful people doing for the good of others, you find yourself in a completely different place. The quality of people you are interacting with is better, more serious, less selfish and needy.

As your life progresses on its own in the fashion, the single men you encounter will also be of higher caliber.

If you want Prime Rib & Lobster, you have to stop eating at McDonald's.

liz28 · Jun 1, 2008, 04:56 PM

You need to make a list of things that you want in man, after its completed you review it and use it as your guide. Your 1st mistake was going to see this guy after he expressed what he wanted and your wants was different, but you know it was wrong so I not going bash you on that.

For now on if a guy don't want what you w simply leave them alone. We all have done things that we regret and wish there was a time machine to go back and redo our mistakes, but we cant, we only learn with them and it makes us stronger. In the futuere don't ever do something that you will regret or out of loniness, let a guy want everything you want and treat you right, otherwise say "bye" and don't talk to them anymore, because even if a guy don't want you he wants what between your legs.

Food for thought: When your not looking for something it will come to you.

bigbird213 · Jun 1, 2008, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

If you want Prime Rib & Lobster, you have to stop eating at McDonald's.

Some McDonald's in upper New England have lobster rolls :eek::eek:

liz28 · Jun 1, 2008, 05:22 PM

[QUOTE=bigbird213]Some McDonald's in upper New England have lobster rolls

There's a Mcdonald in New York that has a pianist and waitresses that comes and serve you at the table, just like an upscale restruant. I always heard about it and when I actually went there I was taken back and steped out to make sure it was Mcdonald's.

JBeaucaire · Jun 1, 2008, 10:19 PM

Let's not hijack this thread with talk about how you DIDN'T get my metaphor when you know you did. Hehe.

bigbird213 · Jun 2, 2008, 05:10 AM

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Let's not hijack this thread with talk about how you DIDN'T get my metaphor when you know you did. Hehe.

Okay, okay, okay... let me try again.

You are concerned with the type of guys you are meeting, or at least how you are handling them.

I think that you need to spend some time looking within yourself, perhaps finding faults within yourself which you want to work on. It seems to be a pattern to me that people who have issues with themselves (such as lacking self-esteem) wind up in relationships which are far from perfect as they feel they aren't capable of finding anything else/better.

Maybe if you can realize that your worth more than the crap these guys put you through, that you don't deserve that sort of treatment, it will be easier for you to understand what type of guy you want to be in a relationship with - and go find them :)

talaniman · Jun 2, 2008, 06:55 AM

any advice on how to be a better woman and have more control of my interactions with men?

Stop trolling for men and start listening to the warning bells that MUST be going off as soon as they talk. Stop settling and love yourself enough to focus on you and your wants and put them before those of others. Get a life that you enjoy with people you enjoy, and leave the guys alone until you are happy with yourself.
Men should be chasing you, not the other way around.

Dezigna08 · Jun 2, 2008, 02:54 PM

Thanks a lot for the advice, it all makes sense.. everything said is true..
LOL @ lobster rolls at new england mcdonalds...

Chery · Jun 2, 2008, 03:22 PM

As was stated before, we all have made our share of mistakes until we realized that we don't like what we went through. ''Forgive and forget'' does not just apply to others. We must first be able to practice this on ourselves.

So, so far, have your regrets been more prominent than your happy moments? If so, you need to change your outlook on yourself and your life.

Do as JB suggests, change your environment of people and places. And, if possible, stay away from chatrooms that have goodness knows what kind of creeps lurking for victims just like you. STOP being a victim and regain your self-respect.

Honest dear, it is NEVER too late to change your outlook. You've seen and experienced some of the negative aspects, so now it is time to look for the positive side of life.

Make yourself a list of things that you'd like to do, new things you'd like to learn, and experience and then look for them near where you reside so that it will not cost you much financially or mentally. And, as Tal said, don't do the chasing - you are worth a lot more than that, even though you might feel a bit of shame right now - but you are only human and it's OK to see our mistakes and admit them, then go on from there. You took the first step, now the rest will be easy.

If you need some ideas, get back with us and we will help you as best as we can.

Dezigna08 · Jun 4, 2008, 08:55 AM

I thank and appreciate all the advice given.

He started talking to me again, which is fine because I still like him. Hes cool to talk to but I would like to keep him at a distance for now while I go on and do my own thing. If he wants to see me, he can come down to where I stay -if he doesn't like it and prefers I go up there... not happening. I don't want a guy who thinks coming to see me is too much trouble.