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rodene83 · May 31, 2008, 07:13 AM

My oldest daughter is 3 yrs and7 months. my youngest daughter is 7 months. I believe the little one has something to do with the older ones attitude and behavior. I tell my 3yr old not to do something (like stand on hangers) and she does it anyway. I ask her " why did you just stand on those hangers?" she says "stand?" "hangers?" "me?" "huh?" like she doesn't understand my question. So I rephase my question a few more times and she still repeats me. After 6 times of repeating myself and only getting the repeat game I put her in time out. It aggrivates me that she won't answer my question. So why does she play the repeat game?

George_1950 · May 31, 2008, 07:45 AM

Welcome to AMHD. Your older daughter may not be able to explain 'why' she does something, so perhaps it is best not to ask; also, your question utilizes the power position (parent/child) when it may not be needed. Is there something else you could say or suggest, rather than 'why'?

froggy7 · May 31, 2008, 07:58 AM

I have been told that young children do not process negatives well. For example, if you tell your daughter "Do not stand on the hangers", she processes it as "stand on the hangers, then do the opposite of that." And that last part takes a while to kick in. The solution is tell your daughter what she should be doing, not what she shouldn't. "Stay in the yard" vs "Don't go in the street."

I've got no clue about the repeating, except that it is something that she finds fun and you are willing to do with her. After all, do you really care why she was standing on the hangers?

J_9 · May 31, 2008, 12:51 PM

It's all developmentally normal. This is the way children learn. It has nothing to do with attitude and behavior being caused by the 7 month old, but rather the 3 year old learning and processing, as well as trying to see how much she can manipulate.

You should tell her that "we stand on the floor, not on hangers." Then remove the hangers from the floor, what are they doing on the floor anyway? All children tend to stand on things that they are not supposed to, I don't know why, but all 4 of mine did. It's a tactile thing I suppose. The feel of the hangers on the feet versus the feel of the carpet on the feet.

So, in the end, if you don't want her to stand on things, make sure those things are not on the floor. LOL

Fr_Chuck · May 31, 2008, 01:28 PM

Well I would not stand there and play the word game, I would have just said, I told you no, and send them to time out without all the discussion.
She has or is is learning how to push your buttoms

AGS1975 · Jun 2, 2008, 12:13 AM

Your 3 year old is going through normal childhood development. Repeat anything is common at this time. The baby may have some influence, as your 3 year old may be compeating for attention. Next time you see undesirable behavior in your toddler, tell her one time that it is wrong, then stear her towards something that is right. I hope this helps. I'll check back later and see if you've stated otherwise.