[zepheta]

I just broke up with the first man I ever loved and who asked me to marry him, he's a cheater, he has a woman who he goes to repeatedly for sex. I have no friends who live near me, I've only lived here for a short time, I don't know anyone, my friends stopped talking to me because I'm so far away. I don't like to go to chat rooms to talk to people like the other lonely people do because every time I do I talk to some weirdo, like the guy who thought he was some supernatural sex being / demon thing, I guess he thought he was an incubus. I have a couple of family members who talk to me but they just want to fight and argue all the time. My neighbors are all older people who also fight and argue all the time. Just last night I heard my next door neighbor and some other woman screaming all kinds of curse words at each other. I'm so lonely. I only have a pet. I don't know what to do.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I would suggest getting involved in activities in the community. Volunteering. Take a class or two at the local community college.

And pets are the best friends!

[Fixer12]

Moving after a break up is hard. But it can be a good thing. I am actually in the same situation you are. I just moved somewhere new 2 weeks ago. I still have stuff going on with my ex, but I finally called it quits.

Moving to a new place can have a lot of new potential! Go out and meet people. Even if you don't think you are ready to do that yet. IT takes times. You will in time. DO you at least have a job? Things will get better. If you need anything hit me up, I have a lot of the same issues you might be going through with being somewhere new.

Make the best of it!

[zepheta]

I know your advise is good, but I'm not exactly normal, I'm terribly afraid of public places. The only friends I had were people I grew up with, so I met them when I was just a normal child. The only reason I was able to get emotionaly close to my ex is because he is not normal either so I guess we bonded through our abnormality. He's different from me though because he's extremely social and can make friends anywhere. The breakup just happened this week. And because he was so social, he was the only reason I would go into public places, it felt safe when he was with me. Now I have no one with me. I feel completely helpless and alone, therapy doesn't help, they always just want to give me anti depressants, but I'm afraid of medications because they can do damage to the liver when taking them over long periods and sometimes they can even make the depression worse. I have violent nightmares every night that I'm sleeping in my bed alone. I'm afraid to be in this house alone but I'm afraid to be outside with other people. I don't know what to do, I feel like I can only sit here and wallow in my sadness.
And yes pets really are the best friends, they're loyal no matter what and your heart is only broken when you have to give them away or they die, I've always had a pet and I love them so much, but I'm so lonely because I don't have people to connect with and to talk to, I was so close to my ex and I loved to talk to him, but I can't talk to people that I'm not comfortable with. I'm only 20 years old, I feel like I should be living my life but I'm too scared. I mask these feelings and put on a fake smile when my family are around, I've shared my feelings with them before, but my mother would just say something like boo hoo your sad and my sibling is not the comforting type either.

[Fixer12]

Well I don't know too much on what to say. I could sit here and tell you "get out and try new things!" but like you said its hard for you, so I'm not going to try and say you are wrong. You know yourself better then anyone else.

When you would go out with him in public, how would it make you feel? Did you feel better? Realize that yes he did bring out the best in you, but maybe you only felt that way cause you constantly had " a reason" to be there.

Try and go out and even if you don't talk to people, just go for a walk. Just give off a smile to someone. Usually they won't say much, but everyone likes being smiled too. They will never blow you off. And when they smile back, it can make you feel so much better.

AS for the other things going on such as the nightmares, I am really sorry to hear that, I don't know the full story there.

I am also 20 years old. You can get out and live your life still. Just because your not doing something EVERY night of the week doesn't make you a looser or not "living your life to the fullest" if you ask me most people who are busy, almost all the time they want to sit down and do something relaxing. Be happy for who you are. Look at yourself in the mirror and find something good about yourself and compliment it. People will meet you when you want to meet them. Get a job if you don't have one. Best way.

[Clough]

I'm a little confused here... Are you you living by yourself? If so, are you employed somewhere? Thanks!

[zepheta]

When I would go out with him in public I was okay with it because I was always okay with things when I was with him. But he was the one talking to people, I was just the girl by his side holding hands with him and receiving a kiss and compliment every now and then and he was okay with that, he said it was cute that I was shy and liked the fact that I wasn't when it was just me and him.
I have to walk to stores sometimes and I do pass people who smile and say hey and I do the same back, but I really hate when guys beep their horns and the cat calls make me feel insulted, though I know their just guys and its just something they do for fun.
I could blame the nightmares on the horror movies I used to love to watch, but I don't really know why I have them. Last night I dreamed that two people locked me and my sibling into a room and I had to kill one of them with a pair of sissors to escape and after I escaped I went into a public restroom where a really ugly lesbian woman was at my door while I was hiding in a stall and when I came out she was coming on to me, so I killed her with the sissors that I still had from the other time.
I have low self esteem, but I don't know why. I've had so many compliments on my looks, people always use the word beautiful and my mother has said that I would still look good dressed up in a brown sack, my ex was always complimenting me on my face and body type every single day and my sister will say things like, I hate you why can't I get my hair to do that. And there are a lot of things about my looks that I love. I guess my low self esteem comes from my personality.

And I am kind of living by myself in an apartment, my mom or sibling stays over every now and then, and my factory job wasn't a social place, it was a depressing place. I'm planning on college, but of course I'm scared and won't talk to people there either

[Fixer12]

Well then charish those things! People are jealous of you! If guys are honking at you.. that is them saying, "wow i want a piece of that" lol yes none the less it is degrading. But use it as something to pick your spirits up. It takes time to meet people. I'm sure if you were talking to someone who just moved somewhere and they were lonely... that's because they just moved somewhere.

If people say you are good looking, then awesome! You may not believe it yourself, but others do... so be OK with that.

For your dreams I'm not to sure, the only thing I could suggest is putting on some soothing music before you go to sleep. Even if you end up not falling asleep for like an HOUR with the music playing... so what... it will get your mind off bad thoughts.

Whenever you get nervous in public, just try and take a deep breath and realize... what's the worst that could happen? Who cares what other people think? I mean really? If they think something is wrong with you then they are probably not worth your time, you know people who find you beautiful so blow them off and turn the cheek!

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I have to agree with Fixer12, be proud of what you got. And it's spelt CHERISH! Just thought I'd throw that out there!

[talaniman]

Hi Zephata, Sorry your in such an unhappy place. I can see your overwhelmed and confused by your situation. Understandable it seems like a lot to deal with. You showed a lot of courage dumping your cheating boyfriend and freeing yourself from his humiliation, even though now all you can think of was his good points. Your really need to call on that courage again, and get yourself out of that apartment, and into the real world of people, and opportunity. It maybe hard and awkward and even terrifying at first, but it will get better . So you can wallow in your own misery and fears, and reject all help with excuses and I cant's, but sooner or later you must take that first step, and keep moving forward. Just curious, how long have you been broken up from this fellow and how long have you been off those meds? It takes time to learn to cope with your loss, and meds don't have to be permanent. Seems the choice is yours, and I hope you choose to be happy. Your in the right place with the right people, who want you to be what you want to be and love yourself, and do good things for yourself. You can do this. Good Luck.

[ajhastings88]

Hey ZEp, I'm here.

[Romefalls19]

I never thought I would actually recommend this to anyone, instead of chat rooms filled with creepy guys you can try and get a myspace. It's a great social site for meeting new people and can help you with your socialization problem. You can start slow, meet new girls in your area. Send messages back and forth, slowly graduate to an Instant Messenger screen name and then if everything checks out, give out those digits girl! It's hard putting yourself out there, but you can take it one step at a time, if you ever feel it is too much, simply don't sign back onto myspace until you are ready again.

[starlite1]

Hi Zepheta,

Me too :-)

[Fixer12]

I totally agree with everyone. Things do get brighter. Its just a matter of when. This can come tomorrow if you really want it to. You just need to realize that GOOD things do happen. Even though it seems like they don't recently. A great quote that helped me in times of need came from the TV show Scrubs. I don't know if you are familiar with it, but the character JD said to himself,

"Yes change is scary, but it's also inevitable. It's up to you to make the best of it. It's no like opportunity is just going to fall into your lap."

That quote has helped me very much into getting up and changing things. Take it all one step at a time. Sadly nothing can change right now but your attitude. Even if it is for just a couple of minutes a day, slowly it will become familiar to you, and you will grow and the pain will start to reduce. Good luck, if you need anything else. Just send me an e-mail.

[liz28]

If you want go to meetup.com, can meet cool people that get together as a group and do things together. It for any city, state, town. You might get sick of the computer and need to go out and have fun.

I a member that with a grou called single mom that want to have fun, and we do all sorts of activities together with and without the kids. I meet a great set of people from all etnics groups and walks of life that I never thought I'ld know. All 17 of us is going to Hawaii together next month for a week. Try it and let me know how it works.