[Piper in FL]

Hi All!

There's a man I've met a few months ago that we had instant sparks. (Both of us are older and divorced.) We talked and laughed for awhile and when I was leaving I shook his hand and told him it had been a pleasure meeting him and I hoped to see him again. He took my hand covered it with both of his and said "Oh we will." We email each other every once in awhile just causal chit chat. He's also friends with another couple I know. They ran into him last week and he told them I'm interested in her but am seeing someone right now then told them that the relationship is so-so. (Whatever that means in man talk) He also asked them to tell me this. He said he was going to but just couldn't do it. He told them he wouldn't see me as long as he's still seeing her as he doesn't cheat. I do admire that statement. He also told them things about me that I have no idea how he found out.(Nice things such as where I work now and what I did before I switched careers) So what should I do. Being out of the dating game for so long I don't know how to play it anymore. I have the opportunity to arrange to spend the day with him in a group so I stay in his mind in case he does stop seeing her. Should I email him something. Or should I just say the hell with it. This is the first man I've met that I've actually been interested in since my divorce and I really hate to say the hell with it.
Thanks for any help!

[bigbird213]

You are asking if you should still try to date a guy who outright said that he won't see you. So I guess the answer is no.

He told you that he doesn't cheat, and you said that you admire that. Why then, would you try to lure him away from his relationship, no matter what state it is in. It is up to him to choose his relationship, or being single and seeing other people.

Short answer, no, don't try.

[talaniman]

I have no idea how he found out.(Nice things such as where I work now and what I did before I switched careers) So what should I do.

You find it nice that he has checked your background out, and knows your work history??

He told them I'm interested in her but am seeing someone right now then told them that the relationship is so-so. (Whatever that means in man talk)

Take it or leave it, as in casual.

He told them he wouldn't see me as long as he's still seeing her as he doesn't cheat.

Come on all the ladies admire that

This is the first man I've met that I've actually been interested in since my divorce and I really hate to say the hell with it.

He is unavailable and doesn't cheat so pursuing him will be frustrating as long as he is in a so-so relationship. Whatever you do don't chase after him, in any form or fashion. I would rather you see others and take your chances than get emotionally invested in this fellow. Don't call him, or send him texts, or emails, not even casually. If your absence doesn't elicit a response from him, then you'll know he was all talk, and playing on your own feelings. To sum it up, don't get carried away by a little attention.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Even if he doesn't cheat, why would he stay in a "so-so relationship" if he is obviously interested in you? Is he lying about the real status and feelings of the relationship to try to get something on the side? If he suddenly breaks it off with the other person, be skeptical. Check it out first.

I find the fact that he did extensive research into your career and hours creepy.

[f104]

Sounds like a recipe for pain.

[damaged]

I would say you should stay away from him because he is seeing someone, it doesn't really matter if it's a so-so relationship... If he wants you enough he'll do something about it.

[liz28]

If he's not happy or have issues with his girlfriend then he should leave before flirting with someone else would you like it if you was in her shoes and this was going on behind back?

Secondly, if he warn you that he was involved you need to back off. Would you like it if you was with a man and another women is chasing him after she was told that he have someone.

Thirdly, if he does leave who is was with for you what make you think he would do it to you with the next women that sparks his interest.

Use your head and found someone who available. How long you been divorce, and have you seen someone since because it would explain a lot.

[Piper in FL]

Thanks all for your help. I'll just skip this guy. I've been divorced 4 years and haven't found anyone interesting enough to date yet. I'll keep looking who knows maybe someday I will meet someone that I click with.

Great answers from everyone! It was what I was thinking but being out of the game so long I just wanted to make sure!

[ChihuahuaMomma]

The best way to find something is to stop looking for it ;)

[talaniman]

The best way to find something is to stop looking for it ;)

Strange how that works, but does seem to be the case.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I know, example... I applied to over 250 jobs in the past few weeks, I finally found the perfect job for me, been here two weeks now. This was the only call-back and interview... well there were others, but they didn't count... NOW I'm getting calls everyday calling for interviews...