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cheesseball · May 27, 2008, 09:19 PM

I just turned sixteen and I feel that I've already been in love twice but as I'm reading all these things people say on here like fifteen and sixteen is to young to be in love and to know what it means... and I still have my hole life ahead of me and all that. Why do we have to be to young to be in love I thought that you couldn't put an age on love... I guess my question is is what do you think about us young teens saying we know we've been in love or that we are in love. Do you guys think I'm , or us, however you want to put it are we to young? Is it real... I'm convinced in my heart that it is real but everyone is saying otherwise

rockerchick_682 · May 27, 2008, 09:57 PM

I think that a lot of adults believe that teenagers are run by their hormones, and that it's lust not love. How can anyone say that about someone, that they aren't capable of falling in love? I think it's possible for someone of any age to fall in love, but the depth and commitment of that relationship varies.

I do think the relationships are very different. There's a huge difference between the life of an adult and a teenager. It all depends on the maturity of the person.

I'm torn, because of course I want to go against all the stereotypes on teenagers, but I look at some of my friends and how they go from guy to guy, and wonder how they can toss away someone they "love" and move on.

Personally, as an older teenager, I think I have been in love once.

cheesseball · May 27, 2008, 10:00 PM

I'm torn with this question...
How can you love someone so deeply and dearly and it not be meant to be?

thinkinabouthim · May 27, 2008, 10:18 PM

Originally Posted by cheesseball

im torn with this question...
how can you love someone so deeply and dearly and it not be meant to be?

I'd love to help you, but was just wondering... is this just a question or is it something that you're going through right now?

rockerchick_682 · May 27, 2008, 10:20 PM

That's life.

JBeaucaire · May 27, 2008, 10:48 PM

Here we go again. Your feelings are on the inside and they come on strong with a force all their own. The feelings you have for someone are instinctive. Even YOU can't explain it, can you? You just feel it. No rhyme nor reason.

The other person seldom if ever does anything to earn the feelings, they are just there. You were designed by the universe to love and be loved. It is awesome. But it often makes no sense at all. That's chaos for you.

But you have to live in the world, too. And real success in a relationship has little if anything to do with those random feelings of "deep" love.

You will be a success in a relationship when you master unconditional love and commitment. When even your own uncontrollable heart cannot veer you away from your committed lifemate, then you will be unstoppable.

This kind of relationship, rock solid and unbreakable no matter what happens to you, can occur between two people who barely like each other at all at first.

And the opposite is FAR more common and true... two people who love each other so deeply at the gut level, but haven't the wherewithal to do the work necessary in the real world to actually BE loving and selfless. This forum alone is proof of that.

What you are willing to DO and give up and sacrifice and your ability to honor and respect and admire your mate NO MATTER WHAT... that will keep you together. The "love" is, at best, a wonderful icing on that cake.

JBeaucaire · May 27, 2008, 10:53 PM

Since love is an emotional response you have to another person, there is no age minimum on feeling its effects. It comes when it comes. This is not a good thing, though.

When people say "you're too young to be in love"... what they're trying to say is you're not experienced enough to know what to do with those feelings. You will often follow those feelings blindly and with no attention to common sense.

When you are older, you are more naturally aware of the additional issues at play and can frequently make wiser choices in SPITE of the love feelings. That's all people mean by "you're not ready."

shaunice · May 27, 2008, 11:14 PM

You Know What Teenagers Can Fall In love No Matter What Any One Ses If You Know You In love With The Person And You Believe In It Then You Are In love It Doesn't Matter What Other People Say Its What Your Heart Is Telling You.

strawberryboat · May 28, 2008, 03:18 AM

Time could tell you whether it is meant to be.
Good luck:)

tomterm8 · May 28, 2008, 03:56 AM

Originally Posted by cheesseball

im torn with this question...
how can you love someone so deeply and dearly and it not be meant to be?

Unfortunately, sometimes people simply don't love you back, or "life" gets in the way. Most people love many people through their lives, even if it's not meant to be there will be other loves latter on.

Either way, you simply can't know if it's "meant to be" before the event... take a risk, and find out.

sandra6 · May 28, 2008, 05:05 AM

I think people who are in the twenties and thirties like me go back in their life and see whether the were truly in love. When they realise it was just lust then they try and put the teenagers off. You will always have a first love no matter what age you are. People do get worried when teenagers say they are in love for the fact of sorry to say this but getting pregnant. You know your own mind. When you get older and your still in love and still together with that person then you know you made the right choice.

ScottGem · May 28, 2008, 05:59 AM

First, let me say that no one is denying your feelings. All we are saying is you don't have the experience to process and identify those feelings. Look at what you said; "ive already been in love twice". Real true love is rare. Some people never experience it. So to say you have already experienced it twice indicates you don't truly understand it. We adults who have gone through the same thing you have, but have found a soulmate, know that the attraction we felt growing up was not true love.

Teenagers tend to be more in love with the idea of being in love, partly because of the empahsis they see in movies, TV and other media. So they grab on to a strong emotional attachment and think its love. But you don't fall into and out of true love so quickly.

For those reasons we caution young people to give things time. If the love is true, then it will stand the test of time.

ScottGem · May 28, 2008, 06:24 AM

I've merged two of your threads since the discussion is essentially the same. Please don't start multiple threads like that. I left the other thread separate because there is enough difference but it could easily have been merged into one thread.

cheesseball · May 28, 2008, 08:50 AM

Originally Posted by thinkinabouthim

i'd love to help you, but was just wondering..............is this just a question or is it something that you're going through right now?

Its something I'm going through

cheesseball · May 28, 2008, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

First, let me say that no one is denying your feelings. All we are saying is you don't have the experience to process and identify those feelings. Look at what you said; "ive already been in love twice". Real true love is rare. Some people never experience it. So to say you have already experienced it twice indicates you don't truly understand it. We adults who have gone thru the same thing you have, but have found a soulmate, know that the attraction we felt growing up was not true love.

Teenagers tend to be more in love with the idea of being in love, partly because of the empahsis they see in movies, TV and other media. So they grab on to a strong emotional attachment and think its love. But you don't fall into and out of true love so quickly.

For those reasons we caution young people to give things time. If the love is true, then it will stand the test of time.

It took me 2 and a half years to get over my first love and when I met this second guy after a while I would gradually think about my first less and less I still think about him but when I do I think about how he is doing and now I know the fact that we are better off not together and I just hope he's happy. I think about those things instead of the what if fact and thei miss him so much I can't believe he did that to me and all that

MrsJoseph06 · May 28, 2008, 09:33 AM

Well as person who was "in-love" at a "young" age. I understand "adults" concerns when teens fall in love because some times your feelings get out of hand and you end up doing things you would not have done other wise. On the other hand I think teens should be allowed to experience love and all it has to offer. A lot of adults will say you have nothing to compare it too or you don't have the experience necessary to make a decision. Witch I think is total baloney. Adults discount teens and kids so much it's sad. Yes there are a lot of teens that fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat! But sometimes you really are meant to be. I think you just have to go for the ride and see where it gets you! Also there are many different kinds of love! I dated quite a bit in High school and I can say that in my life I have had 3 great loves but they were all different and all of them taught me a lot about myself. So I think it's good to experience all kinds of love. Good luck and don't let people talk down to you or tell you, you don't feel what you do just because you are a "teen"!

ScottGem · May 28, 2008, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by MrsJoseph06

Well as person who was "in-love" at a "young" age. I understand "adults" concerns when teens fall in love because some times your feelings get out of hand and you end up doing things you would not have done other wise. On the other hand I think teens should be allowed to experience love and all it has to offer. A lot of adults will say you have nothing to compare it too or you don't have the experience necessary to make a decision. Witch I think is total baloney. Adults discount teens and kids so much it's sad. Yes there are a lot of teens that fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat! But sometimes you really are meant to be. I think you just have to go for the ride and see where it gets you! Also there are many different kinds of love!! I dated quite a bit in High school and I can say that in my life I have had 3 great loves but they were all different and all of them taught me a lot about my self. So I think it's good to experience all kinds of love. Good luck and don't let people talk down to you or tell you, you don't feel what you do just because you are a "teen"!

The purpose of a site like this is to provide knowledge, wisdom and advice for people who don't have it. In given advice, especially in situations like this one, we need to err on the side of caution. We should NOT be enabling teens by telling them what they want to hear and encouraging them to behaviour that might not be in their best interests.

No its not "total baloney" that teenagers do not have the experience to truly know if they have found real love or not. What I think is sad is someone encouraging teens to potentially dangerous behaviors because things worked out for them. Not the adults who have much greater experience and who are trying to get cooler heads to prevail.

While I agree there are many different levels of affection, true love is unique. Yes sometimes it is meant to be. But for every time that happens, there are many more instances where its infatuation or less. So we need to put a damper, but not a dam on these things. A teen reading your advice is going to pick up on the it can happen advice, and they are going to hear that they should be ignoring adult advice. They are not going to here the go slow and be cautious advice.

Please remember that your experience is the exception, not the rule. While its OK to tell teens that it can happen at a young age, the emphasis needs to be on going slow and letting things develop. Anything else is just not being helpful.

MrsJoseph06 · May 28, 2008, 10:45 AM

You know what Scott Gem I'm sick of you picking on me! Yes, I have a bias towards young people in love, because it is hard! It's hard to have people constantly telling you that you are an idiot and don't know anything just because of the year you were born. But then one day you hit this magical age and everything is OK. It makes me so mad! I hate that people are judged based on age! That your life experiences have no baring on how someone views you. "The purpose of a site like this is to provide knowledge, wisdom and advice for people who don't have it." Well this is my knowledge and advice! It's not legal advise it my opinion! I don't want to banter with you Scott Gem but you make it really hard not to! I'm stateing my opinion on the subject! Just because yours is different dose not mean you need to single me out every time I post something!

TomTerm8 said "Either way, you simply can't know if it's "meant to be" before the event... take a risk, and find out." Is he not encouraging this person?

And ShaunIce "You Know What Teenagers Can Fall Inlove No Matter What Any One Ses If You Know You Inlove With The Person And You Belive In It Then You Are Inlove It Doesnt Matter What Other People Say Its What Your Heart Is Telling You."

And strawberryboat "Time could tell you whether it is meant to be.
good luck"

But you picked me to pick on? Yes, things don't work out. But is that not true for everyone? Don't "adults" get married and know they are in love to only find out they are not really in love?

"What I think is sad is someone encouraging teens to potentially dangerous behaviors because things worked out for them. Not the adults who have much greater experience and who are trying to get cooler heads to prevail."

Did I not say "I understand "I understand " concerns when teens fall in love because some times your feelings get out of hand and you end up doing things you would not have done other wise." and I said " concerns when teens fall in love because some times your feelings get out of hand and you end up doing things you would not have done other wise." I did not tell this girl to just go out and jump this guy get married and have lots of babies! I said "Yes there are a lot of teens that fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat!"teen"So I think it's good to experience all kinds of love. Good luck and don't let people talk down to you or tell you, you don't feel what you do just because you are a "

So this makes me a bad person? I don't know this girl I'm just giving her my two cents is that not what this site is for?

ScottGem · May 28, 2008, 11:00 AM

I'm not saying you are a bad person. I think you are a good person who succeeded in life against the odds and you want others to achieve the same happiness you have. But what's happening is that you wind up encouraging young people to take risks they shouldn't. I don't think you realize that.

As to the three you quoted. I believe that two were taken out of context and the third is so obviously another teen that its not worth commenting on.

mimi03 · May 28, 2008, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by cheesseball

i just turned sixteen and i feel that ive already been in love twice but as im reading all these things ppl say on here like fifteen and sixteen is to young to be in love and to know what it means... and i still have my hole life ahead of me and all that. why do we have to be to young to be in love i thought that you couldnt put an age on love... i guess my question is is what do you think about us young teens saying we know weve been in love or that we are in love. do you guys think im , or us, however you want to put it are we to young? is it real... im convinced in my heart that it is real but everyone is saying otherwise

I think Love changes with time and experience so sure a teenager can be in love and no one is too young to love just as no one is immune to Love.
I think people say that young people don't know what love is because love matures as the person matures so love at 16 is different than love at age 40... this isn't to say your love is less than anyone else's love, just youthful.
I think it's important to realize that love will redefine it's self as life goes on and no matter what your age is: Do not allow Love to dictate things. You should use reason and logic in relationships too! Love can be so powerful and blinding and sometimes that Love carries the relationship but a relationship needs much more to sustain it's self! It's like our body, we couldn't live without water but we need food for nourishment and exercise to be and remain at our best... love can't be EVERYTHING in a relationship...

Im 21 and feel that I've found the Love of my Life but you have to keep things in perspective. I was thinking about marriage not too long ago because I believe in myself and partner but in keeping things in perspective I know that the younger you marry the more likely it won't succeed and w/ the divorce rate as high as it is, I'd rather wait for us to have the experience and more mature love it takes for us to be better equip for that step...
Just remember, just like you will mature as time moves forward so will your idea of love so take things easy and keep things in perspective!