[tiffyrose]

My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for almost two and a half years. In the past six months or so, it's been almost impossible for us to have sex without me feeling inferior/belittled. It's nothing he is doing, but for some reason I just can't feel equal with him while having sex. Why is this happening?

[Choux]

Different scenarios can be happening here. Can you give a little more information about your relationship as it is today?

[tiffyrose]

Different scenarios can be happening here. Can you give a little more information about your relationship as it is today?

Well, I'm not sure what it is that you want to know. Outside of the bedroom, we are very happy together. Even in the bedroom we are happy together. We don't argue very often. We spend a lot of our free time together, but it's usually not alone. What else would be helpful to know?

[Choux]

Hm... you said that you feel inferior, belittled... is that how you feel, or is that how he is treating you. Do you understand the difference between those two statements?

If you are feeling inferior, it could be that you have neglected developing your own life in favor of being his closest companion... that often causes a woman to start losing her identity and a firm sense of self in a relationship. As identity goes so does sense of perspective and confidence.

Maybe this could be what you are dealing with?

Or, if he is treating you as inferior and belittling you, that is a different story.

[tiffyrose]

I don't think he is treating me like I am inferior. I just don't feel like I am quite deserving of being in the situation, maybe. I feel like once he has orgasmed, we are done for the night. Afterwards, I usually feel like I only engage in sexual activities to please him, yet I still anticipate and look forward to them.

[Choux]

Oh I see.

I bet this is one of the most common problems women and their partners have; you certainly are not alone on this one.

I think if this relationship is a keeper, you are going to have to find the courage to talk to him about how you want to improve your sexual relationship. Not the easiest thing to do because I think you are a little timid about speaking up for yourself.

I would think he would be willing to be very cooperative with you, though!

When you talk to him, explain what *you* would like to experience in bed. YOu may need some ideas, so why not go to the library and get out a good sensible book about sex, like the"joy of sex" and get some ideas. :D

Now, emotionally, you will have to work on your passion, but first, get started by talking to your boyfriend and educating yourself.


Best wishes, :)